Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 1 359

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 13 April 2020 2:25

Tell her you have coronavirus and she'll feel sorry for you, and you'll get 14 days to masturbate in peace.

LauraLaik 15

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Monday 13 April 2020 15:56

I don’t think the problem isn’t that he was masturbating. As I understand it, he feels bad/guilty for being so out of shape and doesn’t want his girlfriend to know.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 13 April 2020 2:25

Tell her you have coronavirus and she'll feel sorry for you, and you'll get 14 days to masturbate in peace.

Lennie Mcfish 18

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Monday 13 April 2020 3:01

so? if you masturbate you masturbate, who cares?

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 13 April 2020 3:22

Girlfriends and wives sometimes care. They feel they have first dibs on your baby batter. You can't just shoot it into a sock without giving them a chance.

LauraLaik 15

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Monday 13 April 2020 15:56

I don’t think the problem isn’t that he was masturbating. As I understand it, he feels bad/guilty for being so out of shape and doesn’t want his girlfriend to know.