Keep fit!

By anonymous - 13/04/2020 02:00

Spicy
Today, my girlfriend and I were on the phone. She heard I was out of breath and asked me, "Are you okay?" I didn't have the heart to tell her that she'd caught me masturbating, and I'm so out of shape it sounded like I'd ran a marathon. FML
I agree, your life sucks 1 241
You deserved it 1 359

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Tell her you have coronavirus and she'll feel sorry for you, and you'll get 14 days to masturbate in peace.

I don’t think the problem isn’t that he was masturbating. As I understand it, he feels bad/guilty for being so out of shape and doesn’t want his girlfriend to know.

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Tell her you have coronavirus and she'll feel sorry for you, and you'll get 14 days to masturbate in peace.

so? if you masturbate you masturbate, who cares?

Girlfriends and wives sometimes care. They feel they have first dibs on your baby batter. You can't just shoot it into a sock without giving them a chance.

I don’t think the problem isn’t that he was masturbating. As I understand it, he feels bad/guilty for being so out of shape and doesn’t want his girlfriend to know.

Tell her you tried to jog into your apartment. She will congratulate you for starting to get back in shape for bikini season.

At least she didn’t accuse you of boning someone else while on the phone with her

You get out of breath just from masturbation? I’m so sorry.

That's still better than your crush calling right as you are about to finish.