By Anonymous - 27/06/2014 23:50 - United States - Parker

Spicy
Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML
I agree, your life sucks 59 851
You deserved it 7 658

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Top comments

His priorities are straight.

jad0016 12

Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good

Comments

His priorities are straight.

His sexuality probably isn't.

This should be Doritos Ad.

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Just because he's married doesn't mean he's straight..

My dad is a perfect example of that.

binaryplatypus 4

I'd say his priorities weren't exactly straight. What is the sexual preference for chips?

There's not one they're just really good.

incoherentrmblr 21

#118, the preference might have been cool ranch.

jad0016 12

Haha well Doritos are pretty damn good

Especially cool ranch :o

rachangie 19

Nacho all the way! Gotta love the classics! As good as they are though I don't know if I would choose them over sex...mostly because you can always just eat them after sex and everything tastes better after!:)

or best of both worlds, eat them WHILE having sex ^^

And both types of chips too. like a combo-ception of some sexually delicious sort.

#46 I agree, but then why does my girlfriend get mad everytime I do?

#76 - because most of us men don't know how to multitask. So your performance in bed is not as good while eating Doritos. A plot twist to #46's idea would be suggesting to have sex WITH Doritos. Trust me i know. I am a random Internet user.

My thoughts exactly! Why compromise?

alice_18 16

Apparently men appreciate food more than sex

Or maybe he meant no way as in how good his day has turned out...

#23 I don't think it'd be an FML if that's how he meant it.

#39 actually there is an ad for Doritos with the same concept, only in the ad it helps the person get laid it's on YouTube and name is banned Doritos commercial

#53 That's the one where the woman is in bed wearing only Doritos, right?

...why does this make me want to try dressing up as food to test this out?

Doritos always win ._.

One simply does not try to come in between a man and his Doritos.

This FML should really be a Doritos commercial.

Life_is_FML 22

I feel like if you filmed this fml, and added the Doritos' slogan at the end, it could be a commercial

How does it feel to have gotten cock-blocked by a bag of chips?

The guy must feel pretty damn good

The Doritos told OP, "He's nacho man tonight. He's mine."

cock blocked? more like clam blocked

The way to a man's heart is through his... stomach...

Yes...through his stomach and out his chest.

Make lingerie out of Doritos

You do that, and a couple things might get eaten tonight.

I can only imagine Austin Powers saying, "ahhhh thank you" after reading that comment.

He likes the living room so much, let him sleep there tonight.

wtf? how does him not wanting to have sex right then and there dignify a punishment?

It's not the refusal of sex that got him in the dog house it's the way he did it. Rather than making a point of basically saying junk food is more important than your needs he could have just said "you know babe I'm not really in mood" or something. If he's going to act like a dick he kinda deserves to spend a night on the couch.

Punishment like that isn't productive. It's not like her husband is an infant child who needs negative reinforcement.

IKickPuppiesHard 16

I'll be damned if someone told me to sleep on the couch in a house I'm paying for.

(Insert I hope you mean ex comment here)

How does "I don't wanna have sex" warrant a divorce...

He's not actually saying they should divorce #34, just that on 99% of FML's involving couples, that comment will come up.

Normally I would suggest combining food with sex (e.g., have him eat it off your body), but I'm not sure how well that would work with Doritos... Better luck next time OP.

There would be so many crumbs...

Crumbs in every er... nook and cranny.

Or crumbs in every nook and fanny?

Just lick the crumbs off. Gain more arousal points. ;)