Jailbird

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

Whatcha do when they come for you?

Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML

Today, while celebrating my birthday, my friends hired a few escorts to make the party more interesting. This was a really bad way to learn that my sister is a prostitute. FML

Work name

Today, I found out the girl my husband's been calling "Sister" isn't actually his sister, but instead a hooker whose work name is "Sister". FML

Today, I was driving back home after hanging out with some friends. I drove pass a woman standing next to a broken down car. I felt bad, so went back and offered her a ride home. Turns out it wasn't her car and she was a hooker. FML

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

Today, my girlfriend ran off with my sister. FML

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML