Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow...

By meegs - 17/10/2010 00:31 - Canada

Today, my sister asked me if she could go into my closet to borrow my favourite dress for a party she was going to tonight. When I asked her where she was going, she said to a Halloween costume party. My sister is going as a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11976

You deserved it

31675

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

Trip Advisor says no

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 15/6/2016 15:07 - United States

Today, my bratty sister shoved me overboard during a boat ride. Not ten seconds after being pulled back on board, I got an earful of abuse from my parents. My sister is the family favorite and they refuse to believe that I didn't "provoke" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15549

You deserved it

845

Favorite

By chee - 11/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I told my mom, "I love you". She responded with, "What? I never told you I loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46695

You deserved it

2902

Favorite

By Avomitmous - 9/2/2014 21:18 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41639

You deserved it

5301

Favorite

By NonBelieber - 18/9/2013 04:22 - United States - Bessemer

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40736

You deserved it

3062

Favorite

By - 4/1/2020 18:00

The best method!

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2579

You deserved it

780

Favorite

By Ali - 5/3/2017 22:30 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, my father cut my hair for the first time. Now, I always have to wear a cap when I go outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5419

You deserved it

850

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/4/2013 23:08 - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks

54648

You deserved it

4855

Favorite

By Irobot - 15/3/2017 22:00

Today, working at a fast food restaurant, I was berated by a customer for a good two minutes. It's okay though because she ended with, "Sorry, I forget you all are real people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

5341

You deserved it

305

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/8/2019 06:00 - United States - New Rochelle

Today, I went fishing. Not only did I lose the fish, I lost the entire rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1267

You deserved it

365

Favorite

By Adan - 4/12/2012 21:34 - United States - Monroe

Today, my boss was telling everyone that he knew a guy who went to a college at which multiple people were shot and killed recently. Being extremely socially awkward and uncomfortable, I blurted, "That's awesome." Now everyone in the office is terrified of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13625

You deserved it

25079

Favorite

By highlandgirl10 - 21/7/2010 20:31 - Canada

Today, I brought my boyfriend of a year and a half to meet my parents. Turns out he dated my mom. This should be a fun dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52963

You deserved it

6198

Favorite

By sucked_in - 23/7/2015 02:32 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10724

You deserved it

37721

Favorite

By Ob3nie - 14/7/2014 17:45 - United States - San Francisco

Today, me and my boyfriend decided to have some fun in my room before my parents got home. My phone started vibrating half-way through, and when I saw my mom's picture, I reflexively answered. It wasn't a phone call. It was a face time. Busted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34595

You deserved it

53857

Favorite

By yamaha_313 - 11/8/2015 04:20 - United States - Wartburg

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25550

You deserved it

2195

Favorite

By childdreamkiller - 8/12/2011 17:41 - Canada

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32211

You deserved it

5162

Favorite

By I hate games - 18/8/2015 20:17 - United States - Belton

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through charades. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23958

You deserved it

5162

Favorite

By ColdFoot - 3/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41039

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/3/2014 10:42 - United States - Richmond

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54310

You deserved it

6121

Favorite

By justin - 13/12/2013 03:08 - United States - Waco

Today, my boss found out that my girlfriend dumped me. He asked if that meant she would no longer bring her delicious homemade cookies to the office. When I said yes, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52629

You deserved it

3390

Favorite

By Stolemylady - 4/6/2012 07:05 - Australia

Today, while at my ex-girlfriend's wedding, I had to hear her explain how she met the love of her life. This happened in the four years we were dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32201

You deserved it

6756

Favorite

By in_hardik - 11/6/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24955

You deserved it

1806

Favorite

By Proposal Fail - 1/1/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45491

You deserved it

3727

Favorite

By Dkim620 - 7/1/2013 03:16 - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26405

You deserved it

4340

Favorite

By anonymous - 17/5/2016 00:29 - United States - Ashland

Today, at the laundromat. I loaded a huge load into the top dryer, put all the quarters in, and started the bottom one. I realized my mistake when I came to check on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10088

You deserved it

3767

Favorite

By olyswimmer - 3/2/2010 05:11 - United States

Today, my car got a wheel lock because I had 5 tickets. Three of those tickets dated back to 2006. I got my car and license in 2008. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34264

You deserved it

3631

Favorite

By All Dressed Up With No Place To Go - 11/9/2015 05:57 - United States - Ashland

Today, I finally lost enough weight to fit into the beautiful dress that I ordered for my senior prom. I graduated from high school in 2010. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24374

You deserved it

4864

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2019 04:00

Today, I made eye-contact with a cute guy in a store. Too bad he saw me buying anti-diarrhea medicine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1693

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/8/2015 05:06 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I happily announced to my parents that I'm pregnant. My dad later handed me a printout containing a list of nearby abortion clinics. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28108

You deserved it

2544

Favorite

By thehaystackerine - 24/6/2020 14:02

Bad boy

Today, my family and I are spending the weekend with my in-laws, and their disrespectful, disobedient asshole of a dog. He does whatever he wants, and if I scold him, my mother-in-law in turn scolds me, then tells me how something one of us did is to blame for the dog's behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1287

You deserved it

186

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/9/2020 13:01 - United Kingdom

Shorty

Today, on my first day as a community support officer, a 7-foot meathead in the middle of a domestic argument told me to “piss off shorty”, and when I asked him not to swear at me, he picked me up one-handed and threw me in a builder's skip full of mud and wet cement. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1359

You deserved it

224

Favorite

By vw - 20/2/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27378

You deserved it

6468

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, everyone commented on how realistic my "fat suit" was. I didn't dress up for Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33069

You deserved it

8192

Favorite

By resurrected - 4/9/2013 15:59 - United Kingdom - Worthing

Today, I collected my new timetable at college only to find I've been dropped from all my classes. I've been listed as deceased. I'm definitely not dead and have no idea how I supposedly died. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53978

You deserved it

2968

Favorite

By Anonymous - 4/3/2016 08:49 - United States - Crestview

Today, we were running a special at work that I had previously been told was an online-only special. After the general manager corrected me, I used the joke excuse of, "It's my first day". The customer replied, "I can tell". I've worked there two years and I'm the assistant manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18284

You deserved it

5159

Favorite

By failout - 5/3/2009 21:36 - United States

Today, there was a story called "Looking Good" about fashion in school that ran in the local newspaper. On the front page of that section it featured a picture of my class. I was photoshopped out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70919

You deserved it

4989

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2014 16:19 - United States - Naperville

Today, my towel was stolen at the swimming pool. I quickly found the culprit, and to avoid a conflict, I just swiped it back when he wasn't looking. I felt pretty good about everything, until I got back home and realized it wasn't actually my towel after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28101

You deserved it

42571

Favorite

By shitless88 - 20/8/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32734

You deserved it

4236

Favorite

By CM112 - 27/10/2019 06:00 - South Africa

OK, now that's gross

Today, I found a piece of a popcorn kernel stuck in my teeth. I haven't eaten popcorn in over a week and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

855

You deserved it

1151

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2012 22:36 - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29652

You deserved it

2614

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31107

You deserved it

3104

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By solecism | 0

#1560061 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:21

well if the dress fits..

By mintcar | 9

#1560069 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:22

Wow, says a lot about you, huh?

COMMENTS

By solecism | 0

#1560061 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:21

well if the dress fits..

mintcar | 9

#1560236 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:05

You're trying a little too hard "Jamal."

xFalzz | 0

#1560239 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:06

Very wise advice there, Jamal.

ImaginaryFoe | 0

#1561012 - Sunday 17 October 2010 15:26

I've said the same thing about "Jamal". I don't think he's really a "black guy". He's just trying too hard to fill a stereotype.

xBangOut | 4

#1561490 - Sunday 17 October 2010 17:36

He is an obvious troll, can't believe you are still discussing it. Don't feed the troll, dumb asses

FantasticFin | 0

#1565366 - Monday 18 October 2010 14:31

your picture gives me nightmares:s

By yosho123 | 0

#1560065 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:22

Your a prostitue x0 !! how much was last night ;]

danab_fml | 0

#1560858 - Sunday 17 October 2010 14:35

ur parents deserve it for letting ur sis dress as a prostitute. Ydi for having a prostitute dress.

beastmcbeastly | 0

#1560981 - Sunday 17 October 2010 15:16

wats rong wit prostitute costumes?

x_HELLo_tHERE_x | 0

#1561542 - Sunday 17 October 2010 18:55

They are a bit overused nowadays.

By mintcar | 9

#1560069 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:22

Wow, says a lot about you, huh?

metal8214 | 0

#1560145 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:45

why are you covered in pubes???

mintcar | 9

#1560160 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:47

I'm not even going to bother myself with this one. ^

metal8214 | 0

#1560170 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:49

lol

IAreStarfeesh | 0

#1560652 - Sunday 17 October 2010 13:06

Because pubes are the 'thing' nowadays. All the cooo kids want pubes all over :D. I myself don't think she looks like she has pubes on her head.

FantasticFin | 0

#1565376 - Monday 18 October 2010 14:33

number 25, why are you so ugly?

SadinSherman | 16

#1577353 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 15:57

Number 120,Why are you so rude?

lgs25 | 0

#1585556 - Friday 22 October 2010 11:22

I don't think she's ugly

nhlnba2 | 6

#2988738 - Thursday 28 July 2011 20:37

Number 120, stop being a bitch.

MustacheChildren | 0

#4240175 - Saturday 31 March 2012 7:14

Number 120, why are you such a dip shit?

By FFML_314 | 11

#1560071 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:23

Good news is, she can use her earnings to buy a more conservative wardrobe and you can borrow her clothes. ;)

By Hollisss | 0

#1560073 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:23

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

brennboo | 3

#1560106 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:36

it wasn't a prostitute costume- it was OP's favorite dress which makes it an FML

Hollisss | 0

#1560108 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:39

If it can be mistaken for a prostitute outfit it's close enough.

metal8214 | 0

#1560157 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:47

anything can, like looking like #4 (without offense)

Hollisss | 0

#1560181 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:51

You're gonna get spanked for that.

By pyro119 | 0

#1560077 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:25

That's not even that FML worthy, you just dress like a slut apparently.

surefirewinners | 0

#1560118 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:42

I co-sign.

If it affects you that much OP, change your wardrobe.

msj723 | 0

#2404517 - Monday 25 April 2011 21:57

poopy

By knibbsy | 4

#1560080 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:28

Good job, OP, you've officially earned my respect. Dressing like a whore and not realizing it - that's my kind of woman. You're probably dumb enough to get in my candy van as well. At least I hope. I LOVE HOOKERS.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560090 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:31

I knew it!

knibbsy | 4

#1560100 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:34

You got that right.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560150 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:46

How much do you love hookers?

TookiMyCooki | 0

#1560163 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:48

as much as my monkey does, right?

knibbsy | 4

#1560175 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:51

Enough to not care about the herpes. I love tying them up.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560194 - Sunday 17 October 2010 9:56

I'm afraid to go any further with this conversation.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560227 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:04

I don't want it to stop! This is some funny shit!(:

knibbsy | 4

#1560255 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:13

It's just a schizophrenic talking to herself. I've been had. HAD. I enjoyed it though.

TookiMyCooki | 0

#1560263 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:15

my uncle is a skitzo.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560294 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:27

WTF is a skitzo?

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560306 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:30

Sounds like a type of candy.

EvilDoll | 7

#1560318 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:37

if I say it's a type of candy will you get into my van?
you know, for... candy

knibbsy | 4

#1560342 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:47

Screw off, 44, I'm the only one allowed to advertise the van around here. I've got dibs.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560352 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:51

You got "Dibs"? So now you're an ice cream van too!

FFML_314 | 11

#1560357 - Sunday 17 October 2010 10:56

HAHA! Q, that was seriously hilarious.
I will only get into knibbsy's van and that's because he has pretty hair.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560360 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:01

All depends on the flavor he has. Not in the mood for anything salty or with nuts.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560369 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:13

*Puts buster bar in purse*

Well, how about a klondike bar!

FFML_314 | 11

#1560378 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:16

Pineapple is the key to my heart.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560383 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:19

So you have a van as well?

Pineapple?
*smirking

FFML_314 | 11

#1560389 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:24

I just keep picturing Adam Sandler shoving a pineapple up Hitlers ass.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560394 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:26

I was wondering who 'he is' at first, now I get it. Haha

FFML_314 | 11

#1560400 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:29

HAHAHA! I love you, Q! You make me smile.

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560403 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:32

Anna! Believe me, I feel the same way!

FFML_314 | 11

#1560412 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:35

Yes!

FFML_314 | 11

#1560416 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:39

Do you have shrimp?

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560422 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:41

Sounds like you've been to a swinger's club with that type of talk. lol

knibbsy | 4

#1560429 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:46

I need to fetch my rape shoes. I like where this is going.

FFML_314 | 11

#1560439 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:53

BUT, do you have ice skates?

sourgirl101 | 28

#1560445 - Sunday 17 October 2010 11:56

Pendatik is there a hidden story about you and shrimp?

InDenial | 6

#1560451 - Sunday 17 October 2010 12:02

Cooki stole my picture bitch. :D

IAreStarfeesh | 0

#1560670 - Sunday 17 October 2010 13:10

Guy 1"You spent our rent on philipeno hookers!?" Guy 2"They're not hookers! They're massage therapists!" Guy 3 " Yeah they'll massage your cock for five bucks. There's a word for that. I think it's hooker." Guy 1"YOU'RE A HOOKER"