Intimacy: Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with...

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 147

You deserved it 20 917

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Same thing different taste

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 138

You deserved it 14 881

Milkmaid

By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 936

You deserved it 21 331

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 940

You deserved it 4 322

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 703

You deserved it 27 245

By humiliated - 26/02/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 880

You deserved it 4 035

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 425

You deserved it 4 163

By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 506

You deserved it 34 877

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 281

You deserved it 6 412

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 841

You deserved it 559

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 489

You deserved it 13 203

kirbydumas 10

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:22

Well thanks OP. Now none of us can drink milk without thinking about that too.

mpkpm 19

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:23

Seems like you were a bit too thirsty..

Comments

elcee1987 18

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:37

I don't understand. What did she want you to do?? Her breasts aren't that accessible if you were doing it doggy style. Milk WHAT??

RedPillSucks 31

Tuesday 6 May 2014 20:02

Unless she was really big, her breasts are definitely accessible during doggy style. Just gotta reach around.

littlekellilee 45

Tuesday 6 May 2014 22:42

They're also accessible if you're really short.

chrismrwilson 4

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:43

i heard of whale hunting but cow tipping isnt for the bedroom

garebear61 14

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:45

I am oddly curious as to why the girl would think that would be a turn on??

amisenho 11

Monday 12 May 2014 15:40

Maybe it sounded better in her mind (as in, she thought about it over and over in her head until she figured, "Eh, I'll go for it," and hoped it would sound just as sexy).

Baucis 10

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:47

"Milk me like one of your French cows, Jack"

chychy16 6

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:53

Best comment so far xD

joleevnbvn 7

Tuesday 6 May 2014 23:32

Favorite comment. Made my day!

Mike_Sweatpants 9

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:47

Hahaha

Chazzzor 10

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:56

Am I the only one who feels sorry for a woman who has been called a "Cow" long enough that she internalizes it to the point that she thinks "Milk me like a cow" is a sexy thing to say?

Pleonasm 35

Tuesday 6 May 2014 20:06

And how do you know to an absolute certainty that she has been called that by so many others, instead of this being a weird fetish or something she chose to call herself? I know that I get picked on for my height all the time, yet I've never had the urge to say "**** me like a Hobbit! I'm a filthy dwarf, make me stand on my tip-toes!"

tnf0920 9

Tuesday 6 May 2014 22:01

How do you know she's been called a cow her entire life? You're just making assumptions.

brivielle 15

Wednesday 7 May 2014 8:10

u sure u haven't said that before? Does't sound like your first time

Chibi_Kitten 24

Thursday 15 May 2014 1:37

I'll remember not to say that either..is short people have to stick together you know ;) though I think for me.. I would never say " Yeah f**** me like the pedophile you are"...(apparently short people make tall people look old)