Intimacy: Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with...

By chumman - 06/05/2014 13:55 - United States - New York

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

agreeclassic 58 185

vote type 1 20 932

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Similar FMLs

Milking it

By mperrotta913 - 21/05/2010 15:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job, which was great, until she started saying, "Milk the penis… Miiiiilk the penis…" FML

agreeclassic 52 179

vote type 1 14 900

Milkmaid

By Heifer - 16/05/2009 21:41 - United States

Today, when done feeding my newborn, I stated to my husband that I'm a cow. He said, in a sincere tone, "Oh, baby, you'll lose the weight soon." I meant cow because I'm producing so much milk. FML

agreeclassic 52 972

vote type 1 21 353

By zzarzzur - 22/05/2015 06:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend of a week showed me her talent: shooting milk out of her vagina across the room. Goodbye dairy products. FML

agreeclassic 33 981

vote type 1 4 333

It's all too much

By toomuchlove - 02/08/2010 23:32 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I like it when he moans while we're having sex. Unfortunately, he interpreted that as "milk it". The sound is so obnoxious, it's starting to ruin the sex. FML

agreeclassic 15 732

vote type 1 27 278

By humiliated - 26/02/2010 10:21 - United States

Today, I was finally hooking up with a girl I was after for a long time. Things got really hot and heavy but she stopped and looked at me weird. She said, "I can't do it, you're really wet. It looks like chicken fat." FML

agreeclassic 22 925

vote type 1 4 050

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 00:31 - United States

Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML

agreeclassic 39 453

vote type 1 4 175

By showerpower - 21/01/2010 00:23 - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

agreeclassic 16 523

vote type 1 34 912

By Scott - 15/09/2011 07:34 - United States

Today, I caught my pregnant wife trying to suck milk from her breasts. FML

agreeclassic 37 308

vote type 1 6 428

Exploding milk ****

By not that kinda squirting - 30/04/2019 14:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex for the first time since I had our son. As I was riding him in a heated passion, he grabbed my breasts. Milk literally shot out onto his face. Mood totally ruined. FML

agreeclassic 3 905

vote type 1 603

By moo... - 18/05/2013 02:59

Today, I was on a date with this guy I just met and we went to a fancy restaurant. Halfway through the meal, there was an awkward silence, and he decided to end it by saying "You know, you chew like a cow." FML

agreeclassic 45 521

vote type 1 13 219

kirbydumas 10

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:22

Well thanks OP. Now none of us can drink milk without thinking about that too.

mpkpm 19

Tuesday 6 May 2014 19:23

Seems like you were a bit too thirsty..

Comments

ratherblunt 6

Thursday 8 May 2014 7:26

I call bullsh1t.

SheepShoop_fml 20

Thursday 8 May 2014 8:39

YDI for apparently having a taste for incredibly bland sex. It was a silly thing that she said, it was worth a laugh and a good tit squeezin'. Sex is better when it's fun, try it sometime, you might find that focusing on something other than your dick is a worthwhile experience. Get over it and broaden your horizons.