Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really...

By "baow" - 17/03/2019 14:00

Today, I met this girl on a party and things were going really well. We ended up getting it on in my room and I was about to do my thing after confidently have had bragging the whole night that I was the inspiration of the 50 shades of Grey series. Well guess who got a whiskey dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 3 666

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 09/11/2015 00:18 - Netherlands

Today, after months of Tinder-ing, first dates and being rejected, I finally was able to hook up with a girl. We met, we kissed, we danced and I took her back to my place. She then promptly tried to make out with my roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 224

You deserved it 3 166

By Anonymous - 02/05/2015 02:22 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 002

You deserved it 4 133

By allennn - 14/03/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 923

You deserved it 38 531

By ThisIsWhyIStayAtHome - 24/05/2014 00:09 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a nightclub when some dick squeezed the ass of the girl beside me. She whirled around and started yelling and slapping me across the face. I was dragged out by the bouncers, to cheers from the people around us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 315

You deserved it 3 401

Party hard

By vcarder - 04/10/2013 20:25 - United States - Newton

Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 977

You deserved it 43 171

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 845

You deserved it 3 655

By dlova - 27/01/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I was at a party and spent the whole night bragging to my friends about how I thought this girl was totally into me. As we were leaving, we saw the same girl making out with my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 205

You deserved it 24 718

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 00:13 - United States

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 658

You deserved it 7 416

By milkybear - 15/06/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I went to a party where I met an amazing guy. After having great conversation all night and what I thought was a serious connection, I leaned in to kiss him. He screamed, forcefully pushed my face away with his hand, and said he was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 846

You deserved it 15 882

By jibberish - 22/11/2009 00:15 - United States

Today, I woke up after drunkenly hooking up with a girl who was really into Twilight. I felt bruises on the lower end of my neck and so I went to the mirror and checked it out. She bit me, 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 690

You deserved it 38 983

LennyComa 39

Sunday 17 March 2019 16:03

So in conclusion don't get shitface drunk at a party and then make claims that even a sober dicked you couldn't fulfill.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 17 March 2019 15:25

Your should have tied her up and whipped her ass with your flaccid dick.

Comments

ajh1800 25

Sunday 17 March 2019 15:18

Ok, first of all, you met her AT a party, not ON one, secondly, if you hooked up in your room, it was YOUR party, not A party (implying it was someone elses party), and thirdly, you completely deserve it. Sit down, be humble.

RichardPencil 30

Sunday 17 March 2019 15:25

Your should have tied her up and whipped her ass with your flaccid dick.

LennyComa 39

Sunday 17 March 2019 16:03

So in conclusion don't get shitface drunk at a party and then make claims that even a sober dicked you couldn't fulfill.

bluejasmine 15

Sunday 17 March 2019 20:09

That’s when your hands and mouth come into play

iceberg 10

Monday 18 March 2019 15:11

Yeah hes just awful at sex and tries to blame alcohol

mekiswrite 21

Sunday 17 March 2019 20:35

You're aware that the inspiration for 50 Shades is Twilight, right?

jbuckets_404 38

Sunday 17 March 2019 22:06

Um, even the most ignorant of dumb-f*ks in the WORLD (DF) knows that alcohol is a depressant that kills Mr. Happy almost instantly and also makes you & it uncoordinated.... You've NEVER tried to "do the needful" to yourself at home after bar closing while fantasizing about the most beautiful, sexy woman in the state/ province who deigned to patronize your favorite bar and favor you with her presence, but gave you "The Look of Silent Disdain" when all that you only did was to respectively & cheerfully say "Hello" as you walked by only for you to furthermore sadly learn that Mr. Happy gets drunk very, very, VERY qwikly, easily, and "falls down" limply? (And no, it's NEVER happened to me - limply or disdained - because I'm a "very well-read, intelligent, & careful about my own health" dude who can well correctly discuss any topic in the word with grace, gentlemanly respect, and proper, but hilarious humor.) AND YES, you DID know what the slang term "Whiskey Dick" literally referred to beforehand.... YOU'RE the biggest DF in the country! You've never even heard about a thing called the internet that you can use to VERY easily research various topics BEFORE leaving home for said bar? Tsk! Tsk! Tsk! (Sorry, but I have to honestly & correctly call them like I see them - even if I've been 1000% blind since birth....) Shalom!

Sebastian Strange 4

Monday 18 March 2019 2:36

this was such a long unnecessary read, shut up dude

Christy Lingo 3

Monday 18 March 2019 8:38

*tips fedora* I’m assuming that as such a well-read, highly esteemed member of society, this has never happened to you. Let’s both play devils advocate here. In this case I would have gone down town. If this had happened to you (assuming you actually have a chance at contact with a female) what would you have done?

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

Monday 18 March 2019 3:57

getting cocky is what led to that

ojosRojos 28

Monday 18 March 2019 8:58

OGSteveJobs he only deserves it because he was talking himself up all night and making up lies. He was trying way too hard and karma humbled him. Men who do stuff like that are annoying, but I don’t hate them, or any other men, for that matter. ;)