Just ignore it, OP. They'll stop being touchy when they see that you can love them AND at least know your birth mother.

as long as you got what you needed from meeting her then just let them bark like annoying chihuahuas they'll shut up and calm down eventually.

Don't ignore it, talk to them about it. They can only see their side right now and need reassurances from you that you love them and are happy they are your parents. I'm guessing you didn't fully discuss this with them ahead of time, which may be adding to why they're upset. Good luck to you and I hope you got what you needed so you can move forward and have a happy life.

She's 21, it's her life and her decision. She shouldn't have to talk to then about every little thing. Especially wanting to meet her birth mom.

58, although I agree with the general idea of your comment, I highly doubt that meeting one's birth-mother for the very first time counts as a "little thing".

Agreed. This is such a touchy topic and it's different for each family and adopted person. Talking about it is definitely the best answer.

#58 although it's her life and she can do what she wants, showing respect by opening up a discussion could have been beneficial. I never said for her to not meet her birth mother, everyone has that right, but going with your attitude would cause more problems. There's nothing wrong with speaking with her parents, expressing her desire and reasons, and showing them that she values them by coming to them first so they won't be as upset. Communication within families is important. That doesn't mean she can't see her birth mother.

#91, Why did she had to open the discussion? My opinion (and by looking at the comments, a lot of people agree) is that it is perfectly normal to want to meet your birth parents. This is an aspect that should have been talked about in the adoption-process, the parents should have been prepared. The parents are the one's that feel unreasonable insecure, they should re-open the communication. They know of the visit, so they had one conversation at least. That convo probably didn't went well... Did they freak out emediatly and closed off any other open debate? How could she have guessed that they would react in this way? If the father decides to play mute, then he should re-start the debate when he feels like talking, the same for the mother when she calms down. OP doesn't have to keep trying and trying until they are calmed down, they are the one's freaking out. Why are the family-members calling her a bitch? That's an adult response to a very normal desire to meet your birth-parents (mother). SHE doesn't get shown any respect. They are emotionally blackmailing her into dropping the normal desire and when that fails, they are calling her names. This is regardless of her being 21 and it being her life. How does she have an attitude? The family has an attitude!

good for you. you should have that right. screw what everyone else thinks

They are being very immature and probably feel insecure, just let them know you love them.

Yeah, just make sure they know that you don't love them any less, you just want to know where you come from.

It makes me so upset that family members can be so insensitive and selfish sometimes. It's not that hard to support someone...

Perhaps there is a very, very good reason op's birth mother was cut from her life? They may be at least partially justified, depending on her relationship with them.

77. Op never said she wants a relationship with her birth mother, she just said she wanted to meet the woman who gave birth to her. Uh duh, most people don't just give up their kids for no good reason.

I think what 77 means is that maybe something really bad happened, and that's why she was given up for adoption, maybe her parents are trying to protect her from something.

And she doesn't have a right to know that possible bad thing?

y'all are reading way too into this, like 77 said, she just wanted to meet the lady, end of story

107, I never said that.

They should of kept the secret to themselves if they're going to be so immature about it

I don't recall any secrets being mentioned in the FML, but keeping a secret is hardly a sign of maturity; as we have probably all experienced, the pain of the truth is trivial compared to the hurt and distrust bred from lies. OP can clarify the situation now, but imagine how her family might react had they discovered her hiding this enormous encounter.

I think they mean, they should kept Op's adoption a secret if they could not handle her wanting to meet her bio mom.

That's actually kind of a good point. If they feared her leaving them because of her biological mom, perhaps they should have questioned whether they wanted to tell her and whether it would really make a difference. Unless of course, if OP was old enough to remember, then it's out of their hands.

I would think, if she were old enough to remember being adopted she would have already met her birth mother in a way that was significant. I know several people who waited until the kid was an adult to tell them they were adopted. One of my mom's friends did not know until she was 56, by then everyone was either dead or hard to find. You just have to make sure you can handle the anger when the person finds out they are adopted and gets pissed off you "lied" to them.

Wow. Your birth certainly sounds unpleasant. My mother just found me in the cabbage patch.

She must have picked you when you were unripe. I guess that explains your bitterness.

I remember when I was 3, I unwrapped a head of cabbage expecting to find a cabbage patch face in the center growing. I was disappointed. This was in the 80s when cabbage patch dolls were the "must have" doll for little kids. My mom wasn't too happy to find the fridge drawer stuffed full with 700 cabbage leaves.

I thought babies came from the stork. That's how my mom got me.

My mom found me under a rock...

I was found under a bush. I now understand what my mom meant.... Disturbing

My mommy and daddy found me in a mud puddle in Cambodia!

That's the running joke with my older sister. I was dropped off by the stork, and my younger sister was home grown. :-D

I had a cabbage patch doll, she was one of my favorite dolls!

I was raised by wolves :)

Further details are necessary. Why didn't they want you to meet her?

78 - Exactly. That's why this one is so hard to judge.

I take it you're adopted? Trust me, I get how you must be feeling and your family will come to terms with it. Maybe explain to them how you feel and that you're not replacing them. You probably didn't post this for advice, but there's some anyway. I hope everything goes okay with your family and went okay with meeting your birth mother :]

I'm sorry, but OF COURSE OP IS ADOPTED. That was quite clear in the FML, making the first sentence in your response really stupid.

Not necessarily. Perhaps op's mom ditched her when she was a baby (it happens) and then her father remarried.

Even if it was clear she was adopted, I fail to get the point of calling 7 stupid. He/she was showing support. 48 was just being an asshole.

48, it is not obvious that op was adopted. I read it as she still has her real father but her real mother is just not in her life. Read and comprehend the fml before being a judgemental ass.

Your whole message is stupid - and just because they don't know with their biological mother doesn't mean they're automatically adopted. Foster care...father could have remarried...could have been anything! Just trying to show support people never gave me so shut it you Fotze.

Well op at least you met them and saw that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. I wish you the best.

I had the same thing happen to me.. because my birth mother found me on facebook.. I had to cut my 7 older siblings out of my life, as well as my parents, because of their lies.

Ahh Facebook.Bringing happiness to everyone who touches it.

Was cutting all of them out *really* necessary? Sure, they should've told you, and I'm sure that was an awfully emotionally straining thing to find out in so matter-of-fact a way, but your adopted family cared enough to raise you, so that reaction seems a bit harsh, if you're saying that you cut *all* ties with them forever.

It seems a little harsh to me too, but it's easy to say without knowing the situation. Family is everything to me, and it's hard to picture a scenario where I'd cut them out of my life. It'd have to be pretty terrible :-

56--Facebook is the devil. I met my husband on it. We are divorcing.

Family doesn't end in blood. Remember that.

You have every right to meet your birth parents. Just make sure you also show your adoptive parents that you appreciate the effort and time they put into raising you. I find it a bit cute that they get so competitive over your attention!

calling the OP names and guilt-tripping her is "cute?" i think it's nasty and mean. why wouldn't her family support her? from her post, it doesn't seem like she's looking for a "replacement" mom--she just wants to know who brought her into the world. unless there's something else going on, which is entirely possible, i think their reaction is childish and unwarranted. jmo.