Miscellaneous: Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from....

By anonymus - 18/08/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 800

You deserved it 10 264

Miscellaneous

Good kid

Values

Time to bail

Running gag

By TheJoker - 12/05/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I was jogging in my neighborhood when I saw a kid's ball roll over to where I was jogging. I stopped, grabbed the ball for the kid and went to hand it to him. He then yelled, "Stranger danger!" and his parents came sprinting out. I had to explain the story to the police for 30 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 684

You deserved it 3 191

By grounded - 18/12/2011 09:59 - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 237

You deserved it 47 440

Too much of a good thing

By Anonymous - 14/09/2020 17:02

Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 757

You deserved it 617

By angry - 28/06/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 991

You deserved it 8 670

Leave Me Alone

By gordogs 25 - 04/04/2012 10:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I woke up for the third time in a row from a wet dream about my ex-girlfriend. I'm currently on my honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 010

You deserved it 12 994

By mainche - 20/01/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 112

You deserved it 6 784

By JakeHolmes - 17/11/2009 06:48 - United States

Today, I was in my hot tub with my brand new phone. I set it down and when I grabbed my towel I knocked it into the water. I quickly snatched it up and dried it off with the towel and suprisingly only one button stopped working. It was the unlock button, a perfectly good phone that I can't use. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 868

You deserved it 47 813

Better safe

By stretchy - 06/05/2013 19:58 - United States - Bethesda

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 533

You deserved it 9 312

By Anonymous - 03/07/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for dating a co-worker. There's no policy forbidding it; he just thought it was unfair that I could get with the "hottest girl who works here" but he can't. I live in an at-will employment state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 578

You deserved it 3 257

Gross night out

By missunlucky - 18/02/2010 00:24 - Czech Republic

Today, I was at a club with my friends and my friend got really drunk. Later on he came up to me and said he really needed to pee, but he was too drunk to work the zipper, and asked if I could help. When I finally unzipped him, he was so desperate to go he pissed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 991

You deserved it 9 915

By Anonymous - 11/04/2017 22:00

Today, I got so angry at losing in FIFA, I punched a hole in my wall and strained my back and neck doing it. Now I have to lie down on my back because it's too painful to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 717

You deserved it 8 935

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 08/05/2020 17:00

Today, I found out that most of the people I work with secretly refer to me as the "designated bottom" because they assumed from my slight stature and soft spoken personality that I was a submissive homosexual. My wife thinks it’s hilarious and keeps grabbing my ass to make me jump in shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 882

You deserved it 232

By C BOMB - 14/09/2015 23:58 - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 848

You deserved it 19 271

Keep some things to yourself

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 17:01

Today, a colleague was talking about how she'd made some tomato sauce from scratch for her dad, but then he died before she could give it to him. I said she should have put it in the casket with him so the cremation would've been a real barbeque. My filter is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 223

You deserved it 3 317

He did not care

By Nachos4lifs - 08/11/2019 01:00

Today, after years of pretty much no sex from my long term partner, I admitted I was having dreams about sex with other people. I hoped to get a reaction from him. However, he didn't react at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 361

By FUCK GOD - 03/02/2013 23:04 - Argentina - Salta

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 042

You deserved it 4 829

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 639

You deserved it 6 010

By TalkedTo - 14/11/2018 03:00

Today, at 16 years old, I got "the talk" from Dad. He began with "I don’t really need to give you the talk do I? It would just be awkward for us both." I agreed with him, and we drove home in silence. Thanks for avoiding the awkwardness, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 205

You deserved it 353

By singleladynow - 20/01/2011 05:04 - United States

Today, I bought something special at Victoria's Secret, then sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for 2 hours to get to my boyfriend's house. When I got there, he broke up with me. We're 37 years old and he actually gave me the "it's not you, it's me" speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 294

You deserved it 3 389

By Anonymous - 01/12/2012 00:31 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 160

You deserved it 21 517

The friendzone doesn't exist

By AloneAtPerkins - 28/07/2021 04:01

Today, I got friendzoned by my coworker. He'll constantly remind me that he's there for me if I ever need anything or someone to talk to, he's sexy as hell, and he pulls me in for close hugs. This is gonna be a long-ass summer. Oh, did I mention it's a communal living situation in the middle of the mountains? FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 293

It's all too much

By Ken Solo - 16/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had a coworker shout profanities at me and say he was going to punch me in the face. HR tells me they have a no tolerance policy, and I needed to stop being passive aggressive. He's the active aggressor with anger problems, but who isn't being reprimand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 90

By joy - 07/02/2012 17:49 - United States

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 384

You deserved it 5 000

By Stevie - 16/08/2011 06:52 - Canada

Today, my mom was convinced that the lawn gnomes we bought from Wal-Mart were secretly conspiring to kill us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 722

You deserved it 3 851

By chiktikka - 14/01/2014 22:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad asked me to lend him some money to buy his medication, since he's all but broke right now. He returned with nothing but a bottle of tequila. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 029

You deserved it 8 388

By ChaoticGamer - 23/12/2015 15:15 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up to a horrible smell only to realize that my dog had peed all over my leg cast during the night. I can't get another one because the closest doctors are all on Christmas vacation. Guess this is an early Christmas present from my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 745

You deserved it 1 883

By Jessica - 21/08/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 3 469

It's a cult

By Anonymous - 25/01/2021 08:01 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I found out via Facebook that my once-favourite aunt has fully bought into the QAnon bullshit about the "stolen" US election, bible quotes and all. We live in the UK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 155

By Yupppp. - 11/02/2015 06:25 - United States - Flushing

Today, my new boyfriend with whom I'm completely smitten called me and told me he had an early Valentine's Day gift for me. Gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 211

You deserved it 5 267

Mysterious

By Wifewithquestions - 26/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I found male enhancers hidden in the back of the car, which I'm assuming are my husband's, but we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 597

You deserved it 338

By Delicious - 06/12/2009 07:28 - New Zealand

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 387

You deserved it 31 801

By nancie - 02/08/2018 20:30

Today, while I was at work, my husband threw out 50 out of my 70 T-shirts, all of my tank tops, and all but one of my sweaters. I'm not getting them back because they're burning in a bonfire in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 694

By accidentalslut - 07/08/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, I met a hot guy at a club and we really hit it off. We went back to his place and we got down to business. After, I noticed he had an iPod Touch on his nightstand. I complimented him on it and he responded with, "Yeah, my girlfriend gave it to me as an anniversary present." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 055

You deserved it 56 112

Slam the brakes

By wrecked - 23/01/2012 01:52 - United States

Today, I totaled my car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road for a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue for "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test my mental stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 712

You deserved it 6 593

Good boy

By Anonymous - 17/02/2013 06:01 - United States - New Bloomfield

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 379

You deserved it 21 010

By badluckbrian - 12/06/2019 04:15

Today, I lost my job. This was a surprise, as my performance hasn’t ever been an issue. My boss couldn’t look me in the eye while it happened, and the HR representative cut me off when I tried to ask why, informing me that they would only answer benefit-related questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 286

You deserved it 121

By titkip - 02/04/2016 00:30 - Kenya - Nairobi

Today, I got a text from a call girl. She asked me to delete her number because I am too demanding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 699

You deserved it 9 486

By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 892

You deserved it 2 861

Busted!

By angela - 09/04/2020 23:00

Today, I went to a party. Although I wasn't drinking, I was still afraid the cops would bust me. Halfway through the party, the cops showed up. I tried to hop a fence, ripping my pants and cutting my leg in the meantime. It wasn't until was on the ground that I found out there was a gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 973

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 17:30

Today, it's been weeks since I made a Facebook page to arrange something for my birthday as no one was able to attend last year on short notice. Everyone was game but now everyone is flaking. One friend even said, "I'll see who RSVPs and then decide." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 894

You deserved it 214

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Top comments

curryndricegirll 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

at least you didn't make fun of it. if anything, i hope she would feel better since you called her speech beautiful. i mean i know it's still awful, but it's a little better

AndelleRae 9

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

That does suck, but the way this is worded implies that the woman is a stranger. How were you to know she had a stroke? I don't think it's an FML or a YDI. Just kind of embarrassing.

paperfox_fml 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:09

FIRST AGAIN!

DoomJeff91 2

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:48

That's great son. We were all wishing you the best of luck. Mom and Aunt Caroline made you a cake with a big #1 for our big #1. Lots of love from the family. Good luck with tomorrow!

suaveneanderthal 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:05

haha how mad can you get at someone for not knowing? he wasn't bashing her he was complimenting her! that sucks for the op FYL indeed

neonokku 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:37

not that bad

KiSsKiZzy 0

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Thursday 20 August 2009 6:36

Haha bitches I'm #32!!!! I'd like to thank all the baby dicks in the world!! (Not that I am 1)

KiSsKiZzy 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:14

Did you get her#?

GhostDuck 30

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Thursday 12 January 2012 22:01

NO ONE CARES!

GhostDuck 30

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Thursday 12 January 2012 22:02

... you're number 63...

americayay 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

Well, at least she found someone who thinks her disability is sexy. Even if he is a bit creepy.

arsewipe92 0

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Sunday 23 August 2009 7:52

Lol, my sentiments exactly!

curryndricegirll 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

at least you didn't make fun of it. if anything, i hope she would feel better since you called her speech beautiful. i mean i know it's still awful, but it's a little better

were_giraffe 2

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:14

that's what i was thinking. at least you saw her trait as beautiful sometimes people need to remember beauty is in everyone

ashleyb104 0

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Tuesday 26 April 2011 23:33

I thought the same thing

ronzi 15

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Saturday 21 February 2015 4:39

#3 very well said ??

AndelleRae 9

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

That does suck, but the way this is worded implies that the woman is a stranger. How were you to know she had a stroke? I don't think it's an FML or a YDI. Just kind of embarrassing.

SupKev 0

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Friday 10 December 2010 9:42

are you a guy or a girl? -_-

ermkrmr 0

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Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:42

she's obviously a girl...

chlorinegreen 27

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Sunday 19 June 2011 5:21

that was just rude and uncalled for. of course she's a girl. how would you feel if someone questioned your gender? that's rude.

intothecrypt 3

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Wednesday 23 November 2011 0:09

No need to be a dick to either. I'm a guy with long hair and get mistaken for a girl a lot, but in this case it is not obvious.

ShadowNine 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:13

Damn FYI (:

volleyballgirl16 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:14

embarrasing but it was a compliment so.... her disability is beautiful whats wrong with that

tick_tock 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:17

Don't kick yourself about it too much, you didn't know. Hey, at least you said it was beautiful!

CryingHowls 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:19

you may have called her accent beautiful which might make her feel better but more likely than not, she took it sarcastically. making it worse =p

curryndricegirll 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 5:52

wow. i never thought of it like that. it makes more sense now, that she got offended

crazy_cat_lady24 0

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Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:24

Oof that must have been awkward. Don't be too hard on yourself, there was no way for you to know, you were just trying to be nice. The lady will probably understand later on.