Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from....

By anonymus - 18/8/2009 16:33 - United States

Today, I asked a woman where her beautiful accent was from. The woman stared at me for a while. Then her daughter told me that the reason her mother talked like that was because she had a stroke a few months ago. FML

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Miscellaneous

Rock, hard place

Toxic parents

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 8/10/2015 01:47 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

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By Bellend - 21/2/2012 07:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed a flash car badly parking itself in a handicapped space. I hate the asshats who do this, so I went up to berate the driver. After an opening salvo of coarse language, a glint of light on his wheelchair in the back caught my eye. I then had to apologise for being a shitehawk. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/11/2010 14:49 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. He didn't realize there are two separate holes. He's 28. FML

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By larry_richard - 4/4/2018 18:00 - United States

April Fool

Today, I was told an assignment that was supposed to be due in a week and a half is due today. I crammed all night and ended up getting 3 hours of sleep. Turns out it was an April Fool's prank. FML

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By TheIrony - 19/7/2016 21:50 - United States

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

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By amayasoma - 12/8/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

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By brotheritachi - 13/6/2017 16:00

Today, it was my first driving lesson. I was so bad, the police stopped me and accused me of being drunk, because I almost crashed into the pole in front of them. FML

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By some things never change - 28/11/2012 23:04 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after almost four years of having avoided her due to her hatred of my husband, my mother invited us both to a family dinner. My husband wanted to give her another chance, so we went. Less than an hour after arriving, I caught her hocking a loogie and spitting it into our food. FML

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By Doy - 19/12/2011 06:31 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't know what I was going to do over the Christmas holidays since he was going to be out of the country. He suggested that I work out and do some sit-ups. FML

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By comfort_ - 27/3/2015 03:28 - United States - Dalton

Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2016 15:44 - United States - Ridley Park

Today, I overheard a coworker talking about going to what sounded like a dentist's appointment. As she left later, I jokingly said "Remember to open wide!" Turned out her appointment was with her OB/GYN, not a dentist. FML

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By BoBandy - 15/8/2018 14:30

Today, I finally went to the hospital for a week-long migraine. A few Saturdays ago I went to the park to play frisbee with my friends and coworkers. While climbing a fence, I fell and hit my head twice. Turns out I have a severe concussion and a swollen brain. FML

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By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

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By Username - 8/7/2011 06:12 - United States

Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his friends about how great the sex was last night, and how he loves to "make a bitch bend over". We've been dating for 3 years, and haven't made love in several weeks. FML

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By FBI1236 - 7/7/2019 20:00 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up for myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school, as my father told me to do. The kid and I were called to the principal's office, along with our parents. Inside my father's smirk faded when he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. FML

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By maggie - 30/11/2011 19:25 - United States

Today, I got a round brush stuck in my hair so badly that I couldn't get it out for 45 minutes, and had a panic attack. I had to drive through town with a brush dangling from my head, to the hair salon, and listen to them laugh while they got it out. FML

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By smellslikeroses - 30/12/2020 05:00 - United States - Oxnard

Good smell

Today, while going to the bathroom, I noticed a smell lingering. It smelled good so I kept sniffing the air. And then it hit me. My poop! My poop smelled good and I'd been sniffing and enjoying it. FML

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By Jeathrow - 16/2/2012 15:01 - United States

Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML

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By lkvetched - 30/8/2016 17:23 - United States - Palestine

Today, I got food poisoning in the middle of the wilderness while hiking in a state park with my husband. I had to tend to nature several times before we reached our car. The only supplies I had was a bottle of water and a laminated trail map. It was part of an anniversary trip. How romantic. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2012 05:22 - United States - Tucson

Today, I bought some beef jerky. As I put the first piece in my mouth, I thought to myself, "Wow, this is tough enough to break a tooth." It was. FML

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By - 9/4/2019 12:00

Today, I found out that the threatening and insulting messages I received from my boyfriend's "stalker ex" were actually sent by him. Why? Because he cheated and he didn't want to admit it. I'm dating a psycho. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2014 11:35 - United States - Imperial

Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML

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By jensoulstealer - 16/3/2020 20:17

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2009 11:12 - Germany

Today, some friends and I went to Cosmic Bowling where they have a blacklight. Everyone's teeth were glowing. Mine weren't. FML

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By nilssonfan - 17/11/2010 08:08 - United States

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

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By Apparently not a writer - 20/2/2013 16:36 - United States - Hockessin

Today, I uploaded the first chapter of my best writing yet to a popular writing website. After ten minutes, I was thrilled to already see one review and five comments. Each comment was telling me to immediately delete the story because of how horrible it was. The rating was half a star. FML

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By Hipnog - 7/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

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By fmll - 17/12/2011 13:17 - Norway

Today, my boyfriend texted me and said I had forgotten my blue bra. I don't have any blue bras. FML

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By dwellswithin - 20/7/2009 22:00 - United States

Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend in town. We broke up a year ago because he "moved" to Florida. FML

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By Ohfknhell - 16/5/2018 05:00

It's a sign...

Today, I received a package from Amazon that was supposed to contain the book I needed for my open book final exam tonight. They must have mixed up my order, because the box contained a large pink dildo. I think the universe just told me to get fucked. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 01:50 - United States - Schenectady

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

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By CockroachCluster - 2/6/2018 01:30

Today, I turned on my A/C for the first time in a couple of months. A family of ginormous cockroaches climbed out of the air vent and a few clumps of dead cockroaches fell to the ground. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 14:37 - United States

Today, when I got home from work, my fiancé was finishing up with the plumber who had just installed new fixtures for our shower. I decided that I was going to be the first to break it in. I went to the bathroom, got undressed and went to start the water. The OTHER plumber was still in there. FML

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By Bree - 15/8/2012 15:15 - United States

Today, my father tried to secretly follow me all day, because he doesn't believe that I have any "real" errands to run or friends to meet with. He's actually convinced that I'm living some secret double life with another family. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 14:00

So selfish

Today, my family yelled at me for being a "selfish disappointment." My crime? Not being able to help my sister's boyfriend do his homework while I'm working on my class finals. FML

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By fml1977 - 4/3/2010 06:43 - United States

Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML

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By Stephen - 24/3/2012 21:07 - Sweden

Today, I was peppered with questions about my swollen eye and if I'd gotten into a fight. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I'd been brutally beaten into submission by a doorknob. FML

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By 181999 - 14/9/2013 20:47 - United States - Essex Junction

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML

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By Fmylife - 6/7/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

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By Kyle - 9/11/2012 06:57 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

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Top comments

By curryndricegirll | 0

#497437 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

at least you didn't make fun of it. if anything, i hope she would feel better since you called her speech beautiful. i mean i know it's still awful, but it's a little better

By AndelleRae | 9

#497439 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

That does suck, but the way this is worded implies that the woman is a stranger. How were you to know she had a stroke?

I don't think it's an FML or a YDI. Just kind of embarrassing.

COMMENTS

By paperfox_fml | 0

#497432 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:09

FIRST AGAIN!

DoomJeff91 | 2

#497549 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:48

That's great son. We were all wishing you the best of luck. Mom and Aunt Caroline made you a cake with a big #1 for our big #1. Lots of love from the family. Good luck with tomorrow!

suaveneanderthal | 0

#497583 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:05

haha how mad can you get at someone for not knowing? he wasn't bashing her he was complimenting her! that sucks for the op FYL indeed

neonokku | 0

#497819 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 2:37

not that bad

KiSsKiZzy | 0

#500989 - Thursday 20 August 2009 6:36

Haha bitches I'm #32!!!! I'd like to thank all the baby dicks in the world!! (Not that I am 1)

KiSsKiZzy | 0

#525923 - Sunday 30 August 2009 7:14

Did you get her#?

GhostDuck | 30

#3873765 - Thursday 12 January 2012 22:01

NO ONE CARES!

GhostDuck | 30

#3873770 - Thursday 12 January 2012 22:02

... you're number 63...

By americayay | 0

#497436 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

Well, at least she found someone who thinks her disability is sexy. Even if he is a bit creepy.

arsewipe92 | 0

#508943 - Sunday 23 August 2009 7:52

Lol, my sentiments exactly!

By curryndricegirll | 0

#497437 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

at least you didn't make fun of it. if anything, i hope she would feel better since you called her speech beautiful. i mean i know it's still awful, but it's a little better

were_giraffe | 2

#497599 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 1:14

that's what i was thinking.
at least you saw her trait as beautiful

sometimes people need to remember beauty is in everyone

ashleyb104 | 0

#2412104 - Tuesday 26 April 2011 23:33

I thought the same thing

ronzi | 15

#6208340 - Saturday 21 February 2015 4:39

#3 very well said ??

By AndelleRae | 9

#497439 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:11

That does suck, but the way this is worded implies that the woman is a stranger. How were you to know she had a stroke?

I don't think it's an FML or a YDI. Just kind of embarrassing.

SupKev | 0

#1822394 - Friday 10 December 2010 9:42

are you a guy or a girl?

-_-

ermkrmr | 0

#2140516 - Wednesday 2 March 2011 8:42

she's obviously a girl...

chlorinegreen | 27

#2713488 - Sunday 19 June 2011 5:21

that was just rude and uncalled for. of course she's a girl. how would you feel if someone questioned your gender? that's rude.

intothecrypt | 3

#3622045 - Wednesday 23 November 2011 0:09

No need to be a dick to either. I'm a guy with long hair and get mistaken for a girl a lot, but in this case it is not obvious.

By ShadowNine | 0

#497444 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:13

Damn FYI (:

By volleyballgirl16 | 0

#497448 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:14

embarrasing but it was a compliment so....
her disability is beautiful whats wrong with that

By tick_tock | 0

#497458 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:17

Don't kick yourself about it too much, you didn't know. Hey, at least you said it was beautiful!

By CryingHowls | 0

#497466 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:19

you may have called her accent beautiful
which might make her feel better

but more likely than not, she took it sarcastically. making it worse =p

curryndricegirll | 0

#498221 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 5:52

wow. i never thought of it like that. it makes more sense now, that she got offended

By crazy_cat_lady24 | 0

#497476 - Wednesday 19 August 2009 0:24

Oof that must have been awkward. Don't be too hard on yourself, there was no way for you to know, you were just trying to be nice. The lady will probably understand later on.