Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML
Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML
Today, after two months without sex, my new coworker began telling me about how his ex dumped him after fucking all his friends. The only response I could muster was, “Well, I wish I knew you better.” That got HR involved. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Top comments
tdawg91 17
So romantic! What girl wouldn't swoon?
RobinGoodfellow 47
Are there actually effective pick-up lines? Though that one, I admit, is particularly bad.
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Comments (111)
mmazzaa 16
The **** kinda pick up line is that lmaoo.... Boys get your shit together
MrConcise 35
"Your Facebook profile gives me an erection." Is that one good? I think I may start using that one more.
mmazzaa 16
Nahh it's too short lol
MrConcise 35
"But my dick isn't." It's okay, I heard them panties drop, you don't have to tell me. lol, these are all awful. Pickup lines are like Buzzfeed articles. Only one in a million is actually good.
mmazzaa 16
Oh my lord Hahahs
dragoongirl90 34
I'd look at him with my eyes real wide and innocently say, "You want a baby with me?" Then twitch my left eye and cackle insanely until he went away.
japtap81 16
That would be hilarious in itself. Lmao
destinedjagold 7
LOL xD
cakefete2 31
Be careful that doesn't backfire. Some guys like the crazy.
dragoongirl90 34
That's true but if he tried anything I'd just pull the dagger out of my boot and tell him that if he didn't back away there would no longer be anything for him to pull out.
brieee 23
I love it when a guy says that... (Sarcasm)
Hasselhoffart 15
"Hey sexy coworker. How's about I get you pregnant" what kind of thought process decided that was a good idea?
ryannmichael 17
Best pick up line "I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?"
Alastrina_fml 20
What a godawful pickup line....as if women are supposed to be somehow thankful for crass and lowbrow attention from guys who have NO idea how to be gentlemen.....
earljonez 22
what?!!! But that's one of my better pickup lines!!
Just_A_Tree 20
Pull out method is not an effective method either, but if this dude uses those kinds of "pick up lines" then he probably doesn't know much about that stuff anyway.
cakefete2 31
"They have excellent maternity leave benefits here. How 'bout I show them to you? What do you mean HR will love this one?"
xpsychocatladyx 15
good public service announcement
bambamross90 6
A great song once said "I don't f*** with you!"