Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML
Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML
Today, after two months without sex, my new coworker began telling me about how his ex dumped him after fucking all his friends. The only response I could muster was, “Well, I wish I knew you better.” That got HR involved. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Top comments
tdawg91 17
So romantic! What girl wouldn't swoon?
RobinGoodfellow 47
Are there actually effective pick-up lines? Though that one, I admit, is particularly bad.
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Comments (111)
mechaix101 2
Who pulls out? WTF?
bambam42069 13
Really that doesn't work on women? Shocker
whateven104 11
Well you f**ked up
nialls_girl 13
Oh, but he sounds so caring!! Not...
MrZsDad 19
no, but it does sound like an early retirement plan.
Saluton 18
can we find a worse line? "I ****** your mom and I want to check if you were up to the mark" maybe?
stumanchew 4
Damn. That sucks. Now I am down to only "So, you like anal?".
bwinski 19
So THAT is what I am doing wrong...
sprints54 19
Nicer then some of the ones I've heard lol
CandyApple88 13
In the workplace that would be considered sexual harassment. Report the ass.