Today, I'm here to inform men that, "If I fucked you, I wouldn't pull out" is not an effective pick up line. Ever. Especially on a coworker. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was having sex with a really hot guy, when suddenly he pulled out and told me that "he had another fat chick meeting him in twenty minutes." FML
Today, during a work meeting, my boss leaned over to me and whispered, "I suggest we fuck". FML
Today, I found out that pinching the tip of the condom before you roll it down to the base is NOT a suggestion. FML
Today, after two months without sex, my new coworker began telling me about how his ex dumped him after fucking all his friends. The only response I could muster was, “Well, I wish I knew you better.” That got HR involved. FML
Today, I had sex with a coworker I've had my eye on for awhile. Immediately after, he turned on the light and got on his phone. Me, trying to start a conversation, I said, "Well, that was fun." He looked at me and said, "Was it?" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I tried to use a corny pickup line on my crush, but my mind blanked and instead of, "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" I blurted, "Did you fall?" He just stared at me and said, "What?" FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML
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Top comments
tdawg91 17
So romantic! What girl wouldn't swoon?
RobinGoodfellow 47
Are there actually effective pick-up lines? Though that one, I admit, is particularly bad.
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Comments (111)
zykrithium 22
Because all men need to be informed of this.
labaro19 17
No shit
ThaReaper319 19
You never know. He may be really in to you may actually care about you (maybe). But if he does think that pick up line must work, then he needs a serious lesson.
allplayedout 20
Nothing says "I care" like sexual harassment at work.
GroupWorkSucks 15
"We already know that, he's just a dumbass" -Men
lcuandon 8
Honesty is the best policy!
travellingfun 18
It's not? dam I've been doing it wrong all these years!
azarel88 11
File a sexual harassment complaint to your boss. they should save that shit for out of office hours or actually learn how to talk to women. you're there to earn your paycheck not have creeps say they would **** you and not pull out, I'm a guy and sure I'd probably think that about a co worker (probably not the "i wouldn't pull out" part though it's pretty creepy) but not actually say it to their face. I'd like to keep my job and not be called a pervert or creep.
False_Stupidity 42
Best answer is. Well, it's a good thing that will never happen.
NamelessFace 22
I smell a sexual harassment lawsuit!
ginger_timelady 5
OH JOHN RINGO NO