Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML
Today, I’m nine months pregnant and divorcing my husband. He’s been cheating for the past six months and blamed it on me for “lack of intimacy.” I’ve been hospitalized three times for this pregnancy thus far, so I'm sorry I’ve been sick growing a whole ass human! FML
Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML
Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
jem970 19
He should be a good husband and take care of you.
tacojauns 45
Well on the plus side when your kid grows up and ask what that is (vibrator) you can honestly say a back massager
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Comments (110)
GamerMom392 19
If you're married, what do you need a vibrator for? You're the woman in the equation: you can get REAL sex any time. Maybe he feels replaced, or maybe he is just an asshole.
kenjenkei 32
Dear Gamermom, Vibrators are for everyone, in a relationship or not. They are not a replacement, and are only looked upon as such by the terminally insecure, because they are, in fact, awesome at any time, especially in conjunction with a sexual partner. Love, girl in a relationship with a vibrator.
JustNatalie 8
I feel you :/ I'm not pregnant, but my back hurts sometimes and I beg my boyfriend for massage and he's like "sure!" But never does it. :( I try to massage myself the best I can, but it's still.. Wrong :( in emergencies I ask mum though
tdawg91 17
Take his credit card and pay for a massage at a salon, easy!
talicaroxi 25
Haha this made me smile. I've done this plenty of times while pregnant with my boys