Today, I'm 8 months pregnant with a horribly sore back and an insensitive husband. I'm so desperate for relief that I'm lying on the couch, using my vibrator to give myself a back massage. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML
Today, I hurt my back, and now I have to lie on my stomach for twenty minutes every hour so I can ice the pain. My boyfriend won't stop using my ass as bongo drums every time. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML
Today, I'm 8 months pregnant and I went to pee at 2 a.m., with the light off to avoid waking my husband. The wanker had left the seat up, so I fell right into the bowl and got stuck with my cheeks in the water because my belly wouldn’t let me get up. My useless sleeping husband couldn’t hear me yell for help. FML
Today, I’m nine months pregnant and divorcing my husband. He’s been cheating for the past six months and blamed it on me for “lack of intimacy.” I’ve been hospitalized three times for this pregnancy thus far, so I'm sorry I’ve been sick growing a whole ass human! FML
Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML
Today, I finished a full marathon and just wanted to relax and get pampered by my husband afterwards. Instead, I spent the evening taking care of him and his back because he had a spasm. Don't worry, he feels much better now. Meanwhile, I can’t move my legs. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
Today, I'm 3 days post-partum and my husband accidentally jabbed into my side while flopping onto the couch. FML
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Top comments
jem970 19
He should be a good husband and take care of you.
tacojauns 45
Well on the plus side when your kid grows up and ask what that is (vibrator) you can honestly say a back massager
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Comments (110)
Satoaoi 13
no sex for a year after the baby is born
billyw02 5
In his defense, women are more irritable during pregnancy
Jhtsosa 5
Unfortunately true.
weller0060 5
You're pregnant with an insensitive husband? Gonna be hard to get him out of there for the whooping he deserves.
cuponoodles34 10
pretty sure you've gotten more pleasure from that vibrator than your husband...
mintstashinurtea 5
so get a new fuckn hubby and stop complaining on fml websites
kspear2 12
If you used your vibrator the correct way in the first place you wouldn't have this problem:)
jeff_757 5
When women withhold sex from husbands it is only the women who ends up not having sex. If you want to throw away your marriage and risk harming your children over this, go for it.
honestjane 22
Oh yeah, because men just deserve sex whenever they want it wether the woman is up for it or not. Is that how you meant it? Because that's how it sounded, AssTard.
Raum 19
91, Are you implying that women OWE their husbands sex? You're a creep. Go to hell.
Jhtsosa 5
I hate to call foul on a pregnant woman, but there is definitely a second side to this story. Really? You have to use a vibrator for a back massage? Something tells me your hub is avoiding you for a reason.
nognom 2
Who's the retard the insensitive one or the one who picked to be with the insensitive one and then thought a kid would help. Shame on you, your choices, and your need for sympathy after you made these choices.
iwadasn 33
You're making a whole lot of assumptions there.
cng903 1
Go buy yourself a Hitachi Magic Wand. It will take care of any pain you have!