Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people;...

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 14:18 - United States

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

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Miscellaneous

British Broadcasting Corporation

Delayed proposal

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 1/12/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

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By nerderer - 30/4/2015 18:48 - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

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By ovawerkrd - 16/1/2011 17:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I finished working a week's overtime managing admin, stock, finances, and three members of staff. I realised that despite all my extra work, I actually earn less per hour than the students who only work on the weekends. FML

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By popemichael - 19/6/2009 22:48 - United States

Today, I was showing my unique new tattoo to my friends when a man approaches me with his digital camera and asks if he could take a picture of the tattoo for his website. I agreed. I find out later that it's a site about ugly tattoos. FML

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By oppsiedaisey - 2/9/2019 12:00

Finally!

Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 23:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I was telling my girlfriend about how my parents are flying out to Japan today on vacation. She was shocked at how short the flight will be, because "It's on the other side of the world." We live in the USA, and it seems I'm dating a Flat Earther. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2009 00:32 - United States

Today, I got my first speeding ticket. Looking it over, I was surprised to see that the officer listed my height accurately despite never having seen me standing. I complimented his uncanny ability and asked if it was part of police training. He then informed me that he read it on my license. FML

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By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

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By bigbuldge - 17/9/2019 00:01

Roommate From Hell

Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML

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By BAMN2187 - 31/12/2013 03:51 - United States

Today, my dad asked me when I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly, I told him next year. He got pissed, started to yell, then realized Tuesday is New Year's Day and grounded me for "being a dumbass." FML

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By jesus christ - 1/10/2011 02:55 - United States

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

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By Kitty - 1/6/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I was working as a waitress at this pub. It was dead. After 4 hours I had only made 5$ in tips. A friendly couple came in and complimented EVERYTHING down to the freshness of the lemons in their tea. The bill came to $50. They left me a $5 gift card to starbucks. I don't drink coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2009 01:02 - United States

Today, it was my 17th birthday. My mom forgot and my best friend is out of town. The highlight of my day? The guy at McDonalds slipped an extra apple pie in my bag. FML

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By racking-leaves - 14/11/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, after spending 3 hours raking leaves, I went to the store to get some supplies. I came back to find my neighbor had decided to blow his leaves all over my yard. FML

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By boomstick - 25/9/2009 13:09 - United States

Today, I pulled a bee off of my friend's dog because we were worried he could be allergic. Of course I got stung, and of course the dog wasn't allergic. Turns out I am. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2013 11:29 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my teacher read my story about a haunted house for a class assignment. She liked it very much and turned it in to the office to be sent into a state writing competition. An hour later, I was called to the office where the guidance counselor called my work "disturbing" and said I "need help". FML

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By Anonymous - 2/9/2015 18:02 - United States

Today, someone left sticky notes with inspirational messages on everyone's locker. Well, almost everyone. My locker was the only one without a note. FML

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By Dx - 6/3/2011 07:18 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my usual. After putting the baby to sleep I put some popcorn in the microwave and went to the bathroom. When I came out the whole kitchen was filled with smoke. One of the neighbors saw and called 911. I'm out of a job. FML

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By anyone - 2/9/2010 04:48 - Lebanon

Today, while browsing facebook I found out that today was my school's class reunion. I was the ONLY one not invited. FML

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By Poor Student - 5/12/2011 22:30 - Canada

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

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By ohmy. - 27/12/2011 17:52 - United States

Today, my husband yawned in the middle of our wedding vows. FML

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By InnocenceBlue - 1/8/2019 14:00

Today, the boss's arrogant son thought it necessary to demonstrate how to use a hole punch while explaining slowly how he wanted things punched. I have worked admin for years, and I'm the contracts admin, not his PA. FML

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By WorkerBee - 17/3/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/3/2013 04:43 - United States

Today, my pet parrot learned a new trick. In addition to imitating my dog, and my voice when I call my mother, it can now imitate my sex noises, and likes to screech them whenever someone comes into the room. FML

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By tooefficient - 19/8/2019 22:00

Monday, Monday, so good to me…

Today, I was scolded by my boss, all because I can finish most tasks in a quarter of the time it takes him, and he doesn't want to be shown up. FML

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By foshizzle - 25/4/2012 06:46 - United States - Orlando

Today, while at work, a man grabbed my beard, said it was impressive, and then uttered the words, "I love you." FML

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By frankie034 - 6/5/2009 07:40 - Australia

Today, I was ordering some clothes from Abercrombie online and I went to measure my bust to check what size I am in American. I got my measurement, checked what size it would be and the size of my bust was not even listed on the website. Great. Now even Abercrombie thinks I have small tits. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/5/2015 13:39 - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my dad stood by and nodded in agreement as my sister told me that my clinical depression is "getting REALLY old." FML

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By Noname - 20/2/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, in class my friend played a joke on me by pulling my seat from under me while i was about to sit. I fell and everybody laughed at me. During the next class, I did the same thing to him. He broke his arm. He was the star of the basketball team. Nobody laughed. FML

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By Kristina - 18/2/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2009 19:22 - Canada

Today, I got a parking ticket for $150. It seems it was issued by my husband, who apparently can't remember license plate numbers. FML

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By HttpsHaileyy - 15/6/2015 20:02 - United States

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

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By LadyLuck - 10/5/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I went to go visit my beloved husband in the hospital. As I went past the nurses station, I heard them talking about the "bastard in Room 303." I went on to visit my husband in room 303. FML

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By princessbbee - 18/8/2011 17:40 - United States

Today, I bought my cats two new litter boxes in hopes that they would use them. They still prefer to pee on the clothes in my closet. FML

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By SMS123 - 25/6/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/3/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

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By Burst a Valve - 26/2/2017 18:00 - Australia

#humblebrag

Today, I learned there is such a thing as "too much sex". After a full week of having sex at least twice a day with my girlfriend, I had to go to the GP due to a painful erection and swelling. The constant sex had caused me to burst a blood vessel in my penis. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2018 17:30

Today, my mother-in-law flushed my pain medicine because she believes I’ve been using it too long and I’m addicted. I had surgery four days ago. FML

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By walkingonsunshine - 22/1/2010 00:14 - France

Today, my long term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way to old for him. I'm 3 years younger than my fiancé. FML

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By Canali18 - 17/9/2016 14:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML

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Top comments

By Chelsee_fml | 0

#695042 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:54

just think! you get to unwrap them all! it's like Christmas early! or you could just open a little piece, figure out who it's to, and put a bow on top of the hole you made.

By DecayDance_fml | 0

#695029 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:53

I did that once, with alot more presents. It took hours to unwrap them, check them, get new paper and then tag them.
I guess its just a lesson to be more organised?

COMMENTS

By sdcrazy1018 | 0

#695018 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:51

Organization skills FTW

wikdman300 | 3

#5322642 - Monday 14 January 2013 1:17

Haha

By lolgirly7 | 0

#695021 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:51

HAHHAHAH!! thatss soo funyy and something i would do((: yeahhhhhh yeahh!

SillyPoop | 0

#698539 - Tuesday 1 December 2009 17:28

HAHA ...serious...I'm pretty sure I've done this one at least one year! it happends to the best of us! it adds to that wonderful christmas frusteration/"Cheer"

Astroman129 | 7

#965532 - Sunday 21 March 2010 4:46

Hehe... you're comment #69... =] *chuckles*

On a serious note, OP, something like this happens to everyone someday. Don't get too upset. =]

By jane99 | 0

#695025 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:51

Life's a bitch.

By DecayDance_fml | 0

#695029 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:53

I did that once, with alot more presents. It took hours to unwrap them, check them, get new paper and then tag them.
I guess its just a lesson to be more organised?

By Heartsm3 | 0

#695037 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:54

don't worry, it could of been worse.

By Chelsee_fml | 0

#695042 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:54

just think! you get to unwrap them all! it's like Christmas early! or you could just open a little piece, figure out who it's to, and put a bow on top of the hole you made.

babygurl91695 | 2

#3013012 - Monday 1 August 2011 6:22

or if the OP rapped right he/she could easily unrap and rerap without a problem

By PotatoBlankey39 | 2

#695046 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:55

I've done this... Your not alone ha ha. It sucks but maybe you could try guessing from the shape of the package on what it is and who it's to? That might help

By fancypantsninja | 0

#695052 - Sunday 29 November 2009 19:56

That sucks

By KaySL | 24

#695071 - Sunday 29 November 2009 20:02

YDI for having the sheer audacity to use a semicolon, but forget to insert a space after it. That's just unforgivable.

bethiie | 0

#695111 - Sunday 29 November 2009 20:17

#9 made me laugh

Joshwuh | 0

#695796 - Monday 30 November 2009 3:08

lol i i thought about that too haha

By swaneh | 0

#695075 - Sunday 29 November 2009 20:03

Well, ain't that a pisser?