Love: Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard... - FML

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 08:00 - United States - Princeton

Today, my husband caught me scratching my armpit with his beard brush. Just last week I swore that I never touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 452

You deserved it 12 343

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 25/11/2011 03:51 - United States

Today, I rubbed my face in my armpit stubble because it felt like my ex-boyfriend's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 197

You deserved it 51 061

By marisa - 05/01/2013 00:31 - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 245

You deserved it 4 321

WTF?

By Shane - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I was dry-walling a house when my butt started to itch. I bent over to scratch it on a piece of plywood, at which point the client's wife walked in and asked what the fuck I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 237

You deserved it 32 636

Gross idea

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 00:30 - Canada

Today, my husband and I got into a fight because I refused to let him use my fingernail to clean the plaque off his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 829

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonymous - 19/02/2013 06:19 - United States - New Castle

Today, I was hanging out with the guy I really like. I lifted my arms to put my hair in a ponytail when he noticed a hole that had apparently tore in the armpit of my shirt, so he put his finger through it. I haven't shaved in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 192

You deserved it 55 568

By TheSneakyNugget - 24/04/2016 15:18 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, I watched a large, sweaty woman stick a hairbrush down her shirt to scratch a rash on her back, before putting it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 353

You deserved it 1 101

Inappropriate behavior

By start waxing - 23/07/2022 14:00

Today, for the third time, I had to tell my stepfather to stop using my razor. It seems when I told him last time that I use it on my armpits, that only encouraged the behaviour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 08/02/2010 06:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend, who hasn't shaved in a month, went to go shave. I was pretty excited since his beard was starting to make my face itch whenever we kissed. When he came out of the bathroom he had a handlebar mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 761

You deserved it 8 989

Classic confusion

By Anonymous - 28/11/2023 05:00

Today, while I was shaving my nose started to itch. Guess which I shaved and which I itched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 188

Weird dude of the day

By Anonymous - 30/06/2017 02:00

Today, I caught my 29 year-old brother-in-law scratching his poison ivy with a handful of forks before putting them back in the drawer. I called him on it and he huffed, "You've never said anything before." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 914

You deserved it 367

Next

Top comments

leogachi 15

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:07

Why would you even do that?

EnvyMe33 26

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:19

Out of all the things to use to scratch your armpit, why the hell would you use that?!? How rude!!

Comments

WinterChild 20

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:04

Well aren't you just a scoundrel and a liar.

leogachi 15

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:07

Why would you even do that?

EnvyMe33 26

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:19

Out of all the things to use to scratch your armpit, why the hell would you use that?!? How rude!!

engineerosaurus 26

Sunday 12 February 2017 14:56

So now you're disgusting AND a liar. Kinda makes me wonder what else you lie about if you'll lie over something that small. I'm sure your husband wonders, too.

onceuponatime456 16

Sunday 12 February 2017 15:12

Why do you lie to your husband?

onceuponatime456 16

Sunday 12 February 2017 15:13

Why do you lie to your husband?

Nnzyb 8

Sunday 12 February 2017 15:45

One: That's gross. Have some respect for your husband as well as other people's property. Two: Now he might start wondering what else you were lying about.

MissPanda85 5

Sunday 12 February 2017 16:38

More like F his life

LyricaSilvan 29

Sunday 12 February 2017 20:20

Good job. Now you're on the fast track to him never trusting you again.

FightsBlankets 3

Sunday 12 February 2017 21:42

You're disgusting OP.

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The Top

Today, I called back a number I'd recently missed a call from. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend's fiancée's number. I've been with him four years, he's been with her for six. Turns out, not only is he a cheating jerk, but technically I'M the other woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 137

You deserved it 4 976

Today, someone burgled my hotel room. As always, I had locked my passport, extra cash, and other valuables in the closet safe, so I thought the losses would be superficial. What a discovery that the safe hadn't been fastened to the closet shelf, so the thief just picked it up and took it home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 113

You deserved it 3 103

The Top

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 2 941

Today, while at a restaurant with my husband for our 4-year anniversary, he kept behaving strangely, breathing deeply and eventually sighing happily. I thought the wine had just gone to his head. Nope; he proudly admitted later that he'd jerked off without anyone noticing, even me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 326

You deserved it 5 567

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 589

You deserved it 27 815

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 014

You deserved it 4 215

Today, I joked with my boss about calling in sick to work tomorrow with food poisoning to avoid taking the Sunday shift. Tonight, I'm sitting on the toilet bowl in agonizing pain with combination diarrhea and vomiting. My shift starts in 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 564

You deserved it 11 247

Today, my aunt asked me to change my major to a program I’m not interested in so her depressed son, my cousin, could have a study buddy. I’m in my last year of university and have been accepted to a master’s program. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 93