Today, I led a class of grade-two pupils on an excursion to the zoo. When we went to see the lions I was put in a position where I had to explain to seven and eight year olds why one lion was "bouncing" on top of the other one. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had my first ever shift at the zoo. My job is to explain the characteristics and habits of various animals to the visitors. A five-year-old outsmarted me while I was talking about lions. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, I went to the zoo to see all of my favorite animals. When I got there, I realized they must've all been on strike or something, and refused to come out of their enclosures. FML
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, I was volunteering at a zoo event for special needs kids. My job was to dress up in a kangaroo costume and greet the kids. One kid came up and said, "You're not real!" and kicked me in the nuts. FML
Today, I took my nephew to the zoo and spent the day telling him fun animal facts. At the giraffe enclosure, I explained that giraffes can't make sounds. Right on cue, one let out the loudest snorting noise I've ever heard. My six year-old nephew looked at me and said, "Maybe Google isn't always right." FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I was teaching a class, but the kids were all talking and chattering. After three soapbox-style speeches about how, "The next person who talks gets a note to take home," one kid looked right at me and went, "Meow." FML
Today, while working at the zoo, I noticed a boy throwing candy into the warthog's exhibit. The fastest way to get there was to go through the exhibit, and speak to the kid from inside. I must have said three words when a lollipop hit me in the eye. Then the warthog peed on me. FML
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Top comments
forest1wolf 9
The circle of life!
kevsandy303 12
You shouldn't be lion to them! It's the Circle of Life! Hakunna Matata!
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Comments (93)
supportcommand 17
Of course they're gonna know what intercourse is by the time they hit 4th grade, they got the discovery channel, don't they?
kevsandy303 12
All the idiots who plan on saying "duh there in 2nd grade!" It's an eminem reference so calm down. I got you, bro!
SerpentBoy 8
You and me baby we ain't nothin but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the discovery channel...
SerpentBoy 8
I figured The Bloodhound gang would be acceptable also...
supportcommand 17
Yes, comment #9 also thought The Bloodhound Gang was acceptable.
DocBastard 40
"You see kids, when a boy lion loves a girl lion very much...or when he just wants to have sex with a girl lion, but only because he wants to procreate, that is to say have baby lions, because you see humans are the only animals to have sex for fun..." Yeah, I don't see that conversation going well.
Enslaved 38
Dolphins do too. (: And swimming with the dolphins may throw in a bigger experience than expected.
SunTzu2 9
Yep, is something like 15-20 swimmers a year get raped by dolphins...
inarsla 8
... and dolphins... and bonobos.... and any species that has been seen to have homosexuality (most species)...
Albarufus 13
"And this is how Zarabi and Mufasa made Simba, kids!"
klutz44 28
Thumbs up for knowing Simba's mom's name.
Sputnikspak 13
...Actually, it's Sarabi. >.>
Albarufus 13
Close enough!
RageWolf16 31
I can name every freaking lion in all three movies, plus three generations back, two generations down, and lions that weren't included in any of the movies. It's become a bit of a problem.
Enslaved 38
You're lucky the monkeys weren't masturbating. They're known to do that!
Myo_fml 20
Happened whenever I went to the zoo... Was quite the awkward experience.
TheNewGuy03 29
Those things are ALWAYS beating their dicks. I once had the, um, pleasure of having virtually an *entire zoo* playing with themselves or getting it on. Lemurs, monkeys, you name it. It was weird to say the least.
perdix 31
It's no use lion, just tell them matter-of-factly that they are "mating."
BellaFurfaro 12
"When a mummy and daddy love each other very much.."
loserman67 36
Kid: "Teacher, why is the one lion on top of the other?" OP: "Oh, well, you see, the lion on top hurt his paw and the other lion is helping him get around." Kid: "Figures, try and help a friend and you end up getting ******."
perdix 31
It's going to be hard to explain the conundrum of why the big cats are doin' it doggie-style.
doodlecloud 27
My gut reaction is just tell them the truth. It's just a fact of life to them, no different to the sky being blue or babies growing into adults. It only becomes a squeamish subject to us and mysterious and fun one to them because we project our adult views onto them. That said, you don't have much choice as a teacher what with school policies and complaining parents so yeah, fyl. :(
Headcrab 29
so? I only hope you were honest in your explanation and didn't bullshit about playing or something.