By nocongratsneeded - United States - Bloomfield Hills
  Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML
nocongratsneeded tells us more :
Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.
Add a comment
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Create my account Sign in
Top comments
By  i_love_giraffes  |  5

Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want.

Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works.

Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful.

Good luck in all you do! <3

By  NomeDMF  |  17

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

  bapbap_fml  |  15

This makes no sense, I think you misread or misunderstood the FML. She didn't want to get pregnant and he said he had a vasectomy when he didn't and got her pregnant.

  ThatOtherMegan  |  30

An abortion is not a simple option to take. It's a huge choice for someone to make regardless if they want kids or not.

  smokecloud_  |  37

While I can see how it's an extremely difficult decision to make, I'm like you OP. Zero desire to have kids, and I'm uncomfortable around them once they get to the walking/talking phase and there on out. If I ever found myself in that situation, I'd be booking my consultation asap.

  aggiegirl95  |  7

I created an account just to comment on this in hope the OP will see, but OP, I hope you understand that this is actually a form of rape. You gave your consent to unprotected sex with him because you believed he had a vasectomy. Its called rape by deception and its a horrible violation to your body. Take legal action against him because this man needs to pay the price for what he's done.

  ohSNAPyall  |  26

"Reverse genders and see what happens."

You think it's OK for a woman to lie about her birth control and manipulate a man to get her pregnant?

  Allornone  |  35

last I knew, 29, it was still considered pretty morally reprehensible for a woman to manipulate a man into pregnancy. it's actually one of the worst things a woman could do to her partner. double standards still exist in many situations, but pick your battles; this is not one of them.

By  TH_Insomniak  |  15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

  Mauskau  |  35

There is a third option - abortion. OP doesn't want children, the dad is an asshat that lies about very important things and this child will be very unwanted and unloved. If OP doesn't want children they can just terminate the pregnancy early on. Not much point in going through 9 months of hell if it's not going to be worth it for you in the long run.

  toastbrot  |  9

there's the fifth option: act like some guys do. stay with him and the kid for a while and leave both when you lose interest. in other words: make him a single dad if he wants a kid so much.

  toastbrot  |  9

I don't think everyone would get miserable. He wants a kid, so he has take care of him or her. the downvotes only show that everybody still seems to assume she will want to have the kid when it's born. that might not be the case. there are mothers who leave their kids and there are fathers who leave their kids. both is not nice but mothers who do get judged much harder than fathers because people still think "chicks love babies"

  catniptea  |  2

She would have to 1. Go through a pregnancy she has been explicit about as being abhorrent to her very being 2. That punishes the potential kid 3. She WOULD have to pay child support.

  icagoobo  |  19

She would only have to pay child support if she wanted to continue to have a right to see her child after leaving. You can sign away your rights as a parent and no longer be held responsible monetarily or otherwise but would also not be allowed visitation

By  heirofhope  |  38

Honestly OP, if you did end up pregnant, I think you should try pressing charges. I don't know if there even IS a charge for that, but you made what did and didn't want clear, and he manipulated and lied to you, and if you're pregnant, violated your body, so I say try to so he isn't allowed to do that to another girl. I'm so sorry and I hope everything turns out okay for you.

  Brandi_Faith  |  33

Tricking someone into having a baby is unacceptable no matter if it's a guy or girl! You're dealing with a lifetime of consequences because of those actions. Yes maybe op should've used a condom, but she trusted her boyfriend (which is understandable) and it's still not her fault. I don't know if I agree about suing him, but I do understand wanting compensation and justice for something that's changed her entire life!

  heirofhope  |  38

#16 when did I say I supported this but not that? Of course I support that. I'm not focused on the sexes of the people here, I'm focused on OP's partner doing a wrong to her. I support all justices for people who violate others.


If you have a set of rules and conditions about what has to happen when you engage in intercourse, (ie. Wearing a condom, not putting it in the back door) and those rules are broken, or the person lies about them being met, it's actually considered rape, because they didn't consent to sex under those conditions. She can absolutely sue. I hope he goes to jail honestly.

  TheMathMajor  |  26

I really don't understand the people implying that if the genders were swapped there would be a different reaction. That is valid for some situations, yeah, but for this one it really isn't.

  PANDORUM89  |  21

#47 I'm not sure I fully understand your comment. You are saying they should've used a condom the whole time?
There would be no way to tell if he was fertile until she became pregnant and if you get a vastectomy then there is no fear of becoming pregnant which means as long as you stay clean of STDs and stis you can have sex safely without a condom.