By nocongratsneeded - 04/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Spicy
Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 029
You deserved it 4 367

nocongratsneeded tells us more.

nocongratsneeded 3

Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. So...no congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.

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Top comments

Adapdion 16

Honestly whatever you did as a response, he deserved it. Relationships should be built on trust not lies. FYL

277 5
i_love_giraffes 5

Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want. Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works. Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful. Good luck in all you do! <3

253 10

Comments

private_employee 9

How about you get some permanent solution to avoid pregnancies?

1 11
Delina_Rose 13

Probably already thinking this but as a woman with the same phobia I think there is no shame in aborting a child when no one would benefit including the child. That boy would be a terrible father and, more importantly, you would be traumatized. Abortion is not easy but sounds like a better option than being biologically attached to such an insensitive and narcissistic person.

17 2
BlackBoyFly 11

Honestly OP, you should have used a condom, even if theirs no chance of conceiving, STI's are a thing too. Do me a favour and rip the assholes balls off in his sleep though.

0 24
never_three 21

In her follow up she states that she uses condoms, esp since she can't use hormonal birth control, but this one broke.

15 0
worldclassrager 39

Perhaps getting hour tubes tied wouldn't be a bad idea

1 16
Dynosaur_dollie 38

It's not that easy, many doctors will not tie a woman's tubes on the idea "they may want one later". Depending on op's age there may be no doctors willing too. It is a rather invasive surgery.

12 0
ladycoco8 20

Then abort it. I'm usually pro-life but if you really feel that phobic towards pregnancy/kids then go right ahead. Just don't do it EVERY time you get pregnant. Hopefully you never do have this accident again. Also, don't sue. That's just a waste of time.

2 17
AngHz 11

I just can't understand someone like you. Smh. But I also can't believe how your ex lied about something so huge. Good that he's an ex now

0 10
shittykittymeow 11

I'm sorry op that really blows. It's your choice on what to do. Not trying to kick you down at all please do not take it that way but just make sure that you do take care of yourself after it's done and over. Get yourself some help because an old friend got pregnant got an abortion and she went crazy after a year or so. Not saying that you will at all you seem to have a very good head on your shoulders but just as a precaution. I also would talk to an ob about birth controls. I can't take hormones and I use the iud mirena (I dunno how to spell it) but it's such a low dosage of hormones that I haven't had any problems at all with it. There's also a hormone free one but my experience wasn't so good with that one. I hope that this never happens to you again. Take it as a hard lesson learned and to take the steps to not have it happen again. Best of luck and this too shall pass!!

4 3
Kirtres 4

I don't get how anyone could think the child being born is better than abortion. She is suffering physically and psychologically already, how bad do you think it's gonna be further on? Ignoring her rights, what sort of impact will this have on the baby's development? And after the kid is born, what will happen then? All you anti-choicers seem to have this feelgood notion that a loving family will take the baby and love it forever. Sure, that might happen, but the kid might as well end up in foster care forever, or caught in a custody battle cause asswipe ex won't give up his idea of a happy family. To OP: I wish you all the best, and I hope you get the support you need from someone IRL. And though it's near impossible, I hope you find a doctor willing to help you with a permanent solution. Speaking from experience, it does wonders against tokophobia.

17 1
9a_1z 12

I'm sorry you went through that, the idea of pregnancy is scary enough to me and I would be able/willing to cope with a baby! Everyone seems to have an agenda when it comes to things like this but I hope you continue to trust in yourself and your decision (whatever it is) and things go well for you.

4 1