By nocongratsneeded - 04/11/2015 03:23 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Spicy
Today, I learned the hard way that my boyfriend lied about getting a vasectomy before we met, in spite of knowing how phobic I am of pregnancy and kids. His defense? "I figured you'd change your mind someday, because all you chicks love babies." FML
I agree, your life sucks 29 029
You deserved it 4 367

nocongratsneeded tells us more.

nocongratsneeded 3

Hi all, this is the OP. Obviously, he's my ex, even though he doesn't seem to realize it yet to judge by the texts and phone calls. To give a little more background, we'd been together for almost three years. We were talking about moving in together (but not getting married, I've seen too many of my friends get divorced already). To really prove that the universe hates me, he and I were still using condoms, because I am that freaked out about pregnancy and I can't take hormonal BC. This is the first time ever I've had one break. I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flak for this, but I have scheduled an abortion for the end of this week. It's not a human or a potential one to me, it's just a burden and reminder that former relationship was based on a big fat lie. Plus, being pregnant makes me even more anxious than the thought of being pregnant ever did, and I was full-on tokophobic before. Every time I think about having my body being overtaken by some disgusting little alien creature, my heart starts pounding and I get dizzy. I don't know how many times I've thrown up on cue just thinking about it, and it's not from morning sickness. I also really, really, really dislike babies, contrary to my ex's assumptions. I had one shoved at me when I was a teenager, and I nearly dropped it because everything about it terrified me. I don't think it's a good idea to just hope that those maternal hormones kick in and make me suddenly like kids when I haven't since as long as I can remember. So...no congratulations needed, and no pro-life or pro-adoption rants, either. If you'd find it in your heart to suck it up and make the best of this situation, good for you. The best situation for me is to put everything about this horrible experience behind me as soon as possible.

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Top comments

Adapdion 16

Honestly whatever you did as a response, he deserved it. Relationships should be built on trust not lies. FYL

277 5
i_love_giraffes 5

Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want. Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works. Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful. Good luck in all you do! <3

253 10

Comments

ScooperScribbles 10

As a female who does not want kids, I feel your pain OP

18 1
LyricaSilvan 29

What a manipulative douchebag...you deserve better than a man who lies to you and disrespects your feelings.

8 2
alex_gen 38

I honestly don't know how to feel about this one. I'm pro-life, of course, but in my views, he did force your to become pregnant, by manipulating you. I think the child should be adopted, but also think that abortion could be the best option for you, if you're really the tense about pregnancy and children. It might be a burden to you to become pregnant, but would be a worse burden to make the best of the situation for 9 months just to give the child up. I may be pro-life, but you were under the assumption that he was telling you the truth, and I consider that forced impregnation. Do what you have to do, OP, and try to move on!

46 9
eighthling 10

She should get an abortion if she wants to. The child at this point has no significant intelligence. Whether or not she was deceived is irrelevant, only her choice. And, you are not pro-life. You are anti-choice.

21 38
PhoenixChick 26

This is actually the most reasonable response I've seen from someone who starts out stating that they're pro-choice. Cool.

19 0
marcranger 28

You make it sound like tokophobia is some new, unheard-of phenomenon, and yet I've had it ever since I hit puberty 19 years ago. I might never uncross my legs again after reading this FML.

1 0
NORCO4LIFE 3

how come you didn't get your tubes tied? The guy isn't the only person who can step up.

0 3
Ownord_fml 10

In most western societies it's nearly impossible to get your tubes tied. Even when it's related to a health problem, you already had kids or are menopaused.

1 0
writergirl1029 17

Tubal ligation is a very invasive and expensive procedure. OP may not be able to afford it.

1 0
MissRaindrop 20

There is no doctor in the USA that will tie a woman's tubes if she hasn't had kids. My mother is a stage 4 cancer patient with 3 other medical issues that could kill her if pregnant and they still refused. She took it to court and the judge told her she may still want one.

15 0
BlarneyBollocks 3

It's hard to get a tubal if you're not over 40 and have kids. I had to fight for 8 years before I got mine at 27. There are doctors who will do it, but it's hard to find one.

8 0
9a_1z 12

I'm pretty sure a tube tying is a way more invasive/risky procedure than a vasectomy. My husband and I have had a conversation on who has what when we decide to have no more children, he drew the short straw!

1 0
SkullsRules1 26

My mother had her 3rd child at 30 and it almost killed her due to her medical conditions. Even then the doctor refused

0 0
clockworkgirl21 8

He's a huge asshole but at least you have options like abortion. A baby trap screws a man worse because he has no options. Abort if you want and then dump his ass.

7 20
xXShadowStormXx 12

Give him a vasectomy yourself for revenge.

8 1
writergirl1029 17

I'm not normally in favor of abortion, but I think it's the best thing for you in this case. About the calls and texts, you may be able to get a restraining order considering what he did to you and is now harassing you. Best of luck to you, OP.

14 2
Svetlana22 8

I have been talking with my dr about prevention options (married, not in the stage where I want kids AT ALL) she has been going over some options involving non hormonal prevention options that last years so talk to you ob about everything and they can help you, even track when to not have sex due to being more fertile. Best of luck to you, and know that there are a ton of people out here who support you and your decisions and beliefs.

7 0