Haha, then he wouldn't have to lie about it

I agree completely.

I am tempted to send him the bill, but I'm also worried he'll use that as an excuse to worm his way back in. He hasn't stopped calling or texting since I dumped him.

You are strong enough to know better. He lied to you about something very very important that affected your health and well being. That is a very manipulative and dangerous thing to do. What's worse is I'm sure he doesn't see why what he did is so terrible. My friend had something similar happen. She was dating this guy who was too good to be true. Rich, hot, doted on her. She went on vacation with him once and caught him switching out her birth control with expired birth control. He wanted to trick her into getting pregnant so she'd agree to marry him. She'd told him she didn't want to get married until after she finished medical school. Luckily she didn't end up pregnant but that could have ruined her whole life.

I'm definitely not okay, and I don't think I'm going to be okay until after I have the abortion on Friday. I'm going to work because sitting around and home and having constant panic attacks doesn't sound good, but I'm not doing too great at work, either. Luckily it's pretty slow at this time of year where I work (state park system), and my boss has been really nice, even though all she knows is that I'm not feeling well, not why.

It sucks that you're not having the baby but I understand your position and your stupid ass boyfriend makes me angry as hell. Not only has he built up a relationship by telling lies, but he's put you through all this. FYI hope you recover OK!

Good for you, OP! Not every woman has that maternal instinct, and if you didn't have the drive to have kids before you got pregnant, chances are slim it will kick in after. You have done the responsible thing by not bringing a life into the world that you do not want. Two things I would like to mention: copper IUD may be a good option for you. It lasts 10 years and is non-hormonal. I've had mine for three years and it really is no-maintenance birth control that actually works. Second, no matter how sure you are that abortion is right, it can bring up some psychological distress after. If you find yourself getting depressed, please know this is normal. It may be beneficial to seek short-term counseling afterwards. Hell, just what your boyfriend put you through could warrant a few sessions. Its incredibly helpful. Good luck in all you do! <3

Do what you gotta do to keep your life on the rails. Regardless of what anyone else says in this regard, I for one support your decision. Simple as that.

Oh gosh, I feel your pain. I'd make the very same decision. I do not want kids and would've dumped his ass right away. Lying about something like that breaks the douchebag scale. I hope all goes well and my heart goes out to you! <3

I personally like kids, but can understand how someone may not or may not even want kids. I believe it is every one's decision whether they want kids. I believe in this choice so strongly, I felt I needed to post here. I'm glad to hear this guy is now your ex, even if he doesn't seem to get it. I would definitely make it clear to him though. If you don't care about being friends with him, you could just cut all contact with him. No one should have to suffer a pregnancy they don't even want. I'm happy that you're being responsible enough not to bring an unwanted child into this world, but I've also had a lot of friends that wouldn't have made it into this world if their mothers had gone with their first choice to get an abortion. That being said, thank you for being responsible with your choice!

Holy shit, OP. This sounds like my worst nightmare come true! I sympathize and support you 100%, and if anyone in the comments section tries to give you hell, I'll give them hell right back. Best of luck to you.

I completely support you OP. You do what you believe is right for you body. I'm proud of you for being brave, and don't let anyone bring you down.

I totally know where you're coming from and I also have severe tokophobia. I wish you all the luck in the world with your abortion and that you'll be okay after :)

Holy hell. If he had the slightest clue about these feelings and he put you in this position he's a complete scumbag. You don't need to justify your opinions to anyone, OP. Have the procedure and get on with your life. You don't need to be dealing with extreme anxiety, a kid and a liar scumbag while trying to manage your own life.

Yes. This is so on point.

I am so sorry hun. My heart is with you during this difficult time.

You and I share exactly the same fears, then. I've always disliked little kids and babies absolutely disgust me. The thought of having some weird squalling creature sucking at my life force is something I gag and get cold flashes just thinking about. When I was younger the thought of getting up one day to discover I was afflicted was one of my greatest fears and to this day, decades later (as I'm in my twenties now) that terror remains very strong. This relationship you were in encompasses all the things I dread about dating, and why I'm grateful that I enjoy women and men both, so I can have sex and not have to worry about it happening. It's a reoccurring thought I still have frequently, and if my current bf (of over two years now) wasn't in a situation that would make having kids with....anyone, really, very difficult then I'm not sure I'd be able to bring myself to have it off with him at all. People used to tell me the same thing, that I'd just get over it one day and have a family, but I see rescues and friends (and maybe a serious gf/bf) in my future and that's enough for me. It's beyond sickening that he would lie to you for so long, and probably scarred your view of relationships and the respect people should have for one another. I believe your decision is fair, and if I were in that horrible position would probably choose abortion too. Hopefully the rest of your life isn't ****** up by being forced to make such a difficult choice and you find someone worthy of sharing their lives with you. Good luck with everything you do, and find your happiness with someone honest and supportive, no matter what.

I'm so proud of you OP! Your body, your choice! I would definitely make him pay for the procedure, because you wouldn't need it if he hadn't lied to you.

What a douche. Do seek counseling before and after you end it. I hadn't wanted kids either and almost went through with an abortion but backed out. I'm glad I did. I still don't like other people's kids but I've never felt a love like I do now. My Mom had one and still refers to it as traumatic and chokes back tears if she talks about it. Seriously, counseling.

No judgment from me here. You do what you need to do and take care of yourself. I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this in the first place. That asshole deserves a terrible fate. How dare he make decisions like that. How dare he lie about something so serious. I hope you have a good support network. You will need it. Take care of yourself.

How about getting your tubes tied if you are so sure? I recall talk of a procedure where they placed springlike things in the tubes so scar tissue would plug them up (no getting cut open yay). Otherwise, I second copper iud.

#121, so you prefer that the tiny human gets to be raised by someone, who is absolutely disgusted by it? It will be hated. It will not be loved. Why would you want that for a child? Abortion is a choice, and that is a choice only the pregnant woman can make, and no one can judge her. No one. The thing in her belly is not a human yet. It's a fetus. I like one comparison I have seen lately on the internet: if you could choose between dropping a real newborn baby and a fetus, that has just started to grow... you would drop the fetus, since it's not a human yet. But the baby is. And if the baby is not wanted by her, then it's better off without starting to live in this horrible, horrible world.

@ PotatoesAndCake: It's not feminist bullshit, it's a medical procedure. She doesn't want to have a baby, so she's terminating a fetus. It is a potential baby, not a real one, and its 'life' does not matter in the long run. It can't miss what it has never known, and humans aren't some special creatures that all deserve life anyway. We're just animals.

121, seriously, just **** right off. OP already said she doesn't she it as human, and given how early it sounds like the pregnancy is, calling it a baby is purely subjective. And then you had to denigrate a movement that has allowed half the population some actual freedom in their lives, not just in whether they want to have kids or not, but have jobs and bank accounts?! Are you the OP's ex or something?

I agree that it's your life do what makes you happy and comfortable. but don't you think saying a fetus is "some disgusting little alien creature" a little bit too much?

125, I'm not sure how old OP is, but I'm 31 and I'm still having a hard time finding a doctor to tie my tubes. I've got a referral to one in the city two hours from me who might be sympathetic, but a situation like OP's scares me out of ever wanting to date again, and that still hang been enough to convince anyone to let someone my age make such a permanent decision (eye roll). OP, if you can find a doc to do that for you, I'd recommend it and ask you for his or her name. :(

#133 You're sick

F the tiny human. It's a foetus.

I never had an abortion, but I will never demonize someone who chooses to do so. I had a miscarriage of a baby I desperately wanted, though. They call that a spontaneous abortion. I still see a fetus as a baby, but in this situation abortion is the best bet for everyone involved. It's not disgusting or evil, it's something that just has to be done for the sanity of everyone involved.

@131 Say op chose to keep the baby and bring it to term. No one said that she had to keep and take care of it. She could always put the baby up for adoption, there are couples out there that can't conceive a child and be more than happy to take in OPs unwanted baby. It brakes my heart to see that OP made this decision. I understand it's her choose and her body but it's my opinion that OP bring the baby to term. Just one last thing. I would hope that anyone reading this can understand that this is my point of view in life and that I'm not trying force it on anyone just throwing my two cents out there like everyone else.

It's so comforting to know you and other women on this thread feel the same way I do. I didn't know there was an actual name for it. I live in a region where the attitude is "You don't want children?!?!? What is wrong with you?!?! You'll change your mind." Teenage pregnancy is rampant here, unplanned pregnancies are the norm, and then of course you're pressured to just deal with it. No can do, not this woman.

@ PotatoesAndCake You didn't get this post AT ALL did you. She is SEVERLY phobic, it is already causing her body extreme stress. Psychological stress. For something that is potential, but NOT a baby. It is her body, her life that comes first, not a bundle of cells with no mind or will. The douche ex violated her. **** that. So she should go through that, suffer PERMENANT body disfiguration, PTSD, financial hardship, and a LIFETIME being connected to TWO lives she never wants to deal with... because of YOUR selfish morality (and YOU will never have to deal with)??

Honestly abortions souds like the best option for you. If you're that terriefied of baby's you won't ever be able to raise one. It's the best for you and the child.

You are absolutely doing the right thing. You need to do what's best for you. Forget everyone else because you and your well being come first.

I'm pro-life, but I understand why you're doing this. I highly recommend getting a little counseling after this whole thing blows by, because it can haunt you.

Whoever says that you should be get an abortion should realize the fact that having a child you didn't want alone will make you resent them, and trust me it's better to be dead than to have a parent who doesn't want you. The fact is, if you don't get an abortion the child's life will be the worst, a mother who pukes and cries everything she looks at you sounds horrible, OP you do what you think is right, don't let anyone change your mind.

It's a parasite until the 3rd trimester.

It's not a baby. Just a tiny amount of cells. Don't be so thick!

Honestly, I was very upset reading this. Not only because abortion is upsetting. But because you now have to go through that. And no one should have to, especially because of a lie. I support your decision. It is better for you to have the abortion rather than give birth to a child you didn't want and then something happen to either you or the child. I wish you the best of luck, OP and do not let negative comments get to you. You know what's best for you. They don't.

There are over 50,000 kids in foster care and orphanages, you really wanna throw another kid in there and see if he/she will be the lucky 1 in 50,000? It's a depressing thought but it's the truth.

@149 there is many children who already need a home and need to be adopted! It's irresponsible to bring a human life into a world when it's not going to have a home or family. If only people were more sensible like OP!

You don't seem to understand, she isn't terminating the pregnancy simply because she "doesn't want to deal with it." For her, this has been a SEVERE PHOBIA. Not only would it cause her body permanent physical damage, it would cause her psychological damage. Also, do you think hospital bills are cheap? Even just delivering the baby would be expensive-and that's if there are no complications. Also, to everyone saying adoption is a better option and she should deal with it until she can put it up for adoption-tell that to all the thousands of kids still waiting to be adopted. Telling someone they should deal with all of that just to bring a clump of cells that isn't even aware of anything yet to the world is the real selfish act. How about you work toward getting unwanted children into loving homes instead.

Why dont you just get your tubes tied. That way if your boyfriend lied to you wont get pregnant

#156-Exactly what I was thinking! I can't imagine how awful it must be for the OP, having something she is terrified of growing inside her. And for nine months? This would be torture.

My heart goes out to you, what an awful predicament. Situations like these are a very large part of why I'm staying single. I don't hate children, per se, but I'm certainly not mother material and tricking me into getting pregnant isn't going to magically fix that. I'd rather be alone forever than end up with a man who would pull this kind of bullshit. Your decision has my support and I wish you the best of luck with it.

I shouldve read more before i posted my comment because i posted the same thing

This is my worst fear OP, I also have severe tokophobia and reading this has made me panic and cry for you. To anyone not understanding and saying shit like "but abortion is murder hurr durr" or "but put it up for adoption", no. Just no. It is not a life yet, it is her choice, and there are thousands of kids already waiting to be adopted! Why add to that? How would any of you feel having to deal with something you fear to the point of constant panic attacks for 9 months, maybe longer?! I hope you're okay OP, that the abortion goes well and you can put this behind you and find a brilliant partner you trust and love in the future <3

I'm sorry Op. I think it's distasteful to have a abortion debate in the responses to someone who has shared their (terrifying) story and said she is content with her decision. There are so many more appropriate outlets to air your views on when a fertilised egg gets the same rights as a person.

I have no words....

It's no more a human life than my finger is. It's a small collection of living cells with human DNA, but a human is a complete viable organism. Small collections of living cells with human DNA die every time you cut your finger.

As a future psychiatrist, I certainly feel you should do what is best for your health, OP. I would also recommend seeking some form of therapy afterwards. What your ex did could be considered traumatic enough on its own, but with the medical procedure and also you freely admitting you have a phobia, it might be beneficial to you. I wish you the best of luck.

It's not a human, it's a handful of human cells. At this point, it has no brain, no organs, nothing. Having your tonsils removed is more an act of murder than an abortion.

It's not that simple. Doctors don't do it just because you want to. There are requirements.

If your this against baby's why didn't you get your tubed tied since you seem pretty adamant about your feelings toward pregnancy. I don't judge your choices, you always gotta do what you gotta do, but meh poor little young baby/fetus you will never learn of life. It has stolen before u were even a person

Actually, that's how a lot of women with Tokophobia describe it. They say it feels like something foreign is inside them and sucking their life force away.

Because she has a PHOBIA of giving birth. It's not /only/ that the idea of raising a child scares her, she is physically repulsed at the idea of one growing in her - read the post, just thinking about it makes her ill. That's not morning sickness, it's a psychological fear.

I'm glad there're other people on this thread horrified by what the ex did. Some people could even call this genetic rape - the sex might have been consensual but it was under the false belief that pregnancy was not a risk. People have sued their partners for much less. That man deserves far worse than getting dumped.

You have that abortion if that's what you want. Don't worry about what anybody else says.

I want to say, thank you for making the responsible decision for everyone involved. Personal story time: I'm the living version of a child brought into this world to a mother who hated children, who had an "oops" pregnancy but had me because abortion was "bad." It is no favor to the child to do this. I still would rather that the handful of cells I used to be was terminated. There's no suffering then. But a lifetime of being hated, of being blamed for ruining someone's life, of being made to feel responsible for every medical, financial and psychological hardship in the household...yeah, pro-life did me no favors. And it is worse because every single day I have to deal with a world that prattles on about saving babies lives with pro-life, and the power of mothers love. A mother who doesn't love her child can turn into the most despicable person on earth, and it's worse because no one sees it. No one believes it. And after looking way, way, way deep into what happens to fostered and put-up-for-adoptions kids...not sure if that's just as bad, or worse. I wonder every, every day why those pro-life people who cared about my life SO MUCH before I was born never showed up to protect me after I was born. They didn't show up with tens of thousands of dollars to cover the hospital bill just for my birth, not to mention subsequent expenses. They didn't set up post-partum counseling. Once the baby is born, pro-lifers are happy that they did their job, and can go on living their lives after ruining yours.

I see a lot of people in comments - mostly hidden from downvoting - saying that OP should keep it and give it up for adoption. It's like they didn't even read her post. If she took it to term, that's 9 months she has to think about how horribly she was treated. Make no mistake, something lying to get sex in the manner that her ex did is a form of rape, as OP never consented to what was actually happening. It's clear she doesn't want a baby because she doesn't want to be reminded of that. Why would she choose to spend 9 months being pregnant with it? To have her body change, and go through tons of weird feelings and eventually give birth... And end up with huge medical bills? Those are all MORE reminders of what happened to her. I don't see how this isn't clear.

And what about rape? Is abortion still selfish if a woman is raped and becomes pregnant? What's worse? Living the rest of you life looking at a child that you were forced to have and that it's a part of a rapists DNA? Or simply having an abortion and saving it from this disease of a world?

I'm not gonna disagree with your choice, however you have to understand that its not gonna go away with just an abortion. I know I'm being somewhat inconsiderate, but this won't be something you can just put behind you. There will be social issues, moral issues and in some cases even legal issues can arise. As for what a former commenter said about therapy, it is undoubtably a good option, but other than that you should deal with your phobia, I'm sure your sick of being told this but it may have bigger problems in the future. Reproduction is a natural human instinct meaning if you intend to marry or be in some long lasting relationship your partner is gonna want kids. I can't speak for your own phobia or what your going through but I know that I've felt a hell of a lot better after getting rid of my own phobia, the best thing I can recommend is hypnotism, I didnt have it myself but my step mother did and it went well for her. I realise you probably won't like me very much after reading this but your fears will not only hinder you in the future but may even develop to be worse and the abortion itself isn't as simple as ending it before it becomes a problem, it doesn't get rid of the problem entirely it can create new ones all together. In the end its whatever you believe to be the better of two evils, but don't think that this is an easy way out.

I have no idea why everyone down voted 135 so much. I understand OP has a phobia, she's going through some tough times and it's her body, her life & it is no ones place to tell her what to do. But I do agree with #135. There is no need to use words such as "disgusting alien thing" to describe what might be a blessing to many people. We were all "disgusting alien things" one day too and had all our mothers thought of us that way, we'd never been born!

I am pro choice but I think this would be a good place for scientists to work on. Maybe then pro-choice and pro-"life" people could compromise. I don't see why so many are hating on you.

Just discussed the morality of abortion in my Ethics class, and while I'm not saying that what I believe is absolute or necessarily correct for everyone, I'm going to say it anyway. Those of you commenting and saying that abortion is wrong have to realize that the right to life of the unborn does not outweigh the rights of the mother. Nor does the unborn have the right to impede the life or health of the mother, whether that be physically or mentally. Many pro-life argument out there will agree with those two statements, except for those extremists who say that the right to life of the unborn outweighs the life of the mother. Also, no one is responsible for providing a child for those who cannot have one themselves. That's all I have to say, and I took all of that info from my college ethics course.

To everyone who is saying 'just bring it to term and give it up for adoption; don't kill a harmless innocent baby' a) it's not a baby until it is born - it is a fetus. I'm going to assume she is still very newly pregnant and recently found out. B) it is her choice 100% to do what ever she want with her own body. C) BEING PREGNANT IS PSYCHOLOGICALLY DAMAGING HER! She is being sick constantly at the thought of being pregnant.

I just want you to know, you can press charges for rape because he breached part of the rules for your consent. It's called deceptive rape. But it's unlikely you will win because the system is ****** up.

I hope you feel supported in your decision. Here's one extra internet stranger that believes you're doing the right thing : )