Animals: Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

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Season finale

Recycling helps

Get the message, dude

By octoberrain - United States

Today, my upstairs neighbor was leaving the parking lot, and stopped to wave. I smiled and waved back, only to realize that she was saying goodbye to her cat, who was sitting in the window. FML

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By EmbarrassedMess - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had what I thought would be an important (and formal) interview. Not only did I turn up completely overdressed, the man who was interviewing me arrived 30 minutes late. To top it all off, I was so distracted by his mysterious total lack of eyebrows that I forgot everything I had to say. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I scratched a lottery ticket I had gotten for my birthday and won $10,000. In celebration, I jumped up and raised my hands directly into a ceiling fan. Oh, and it was a fake ticket. FML

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By 3LLI0TT - United States

Today, I poured my heart out into what had to be my greatest set of lyrics for my band ever, at the same time my teacher was explaining chemical changes to the class. At the end of the lecture he picked up my paper, and set it on fire to demonstrate a chemical change. FML

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By sadface - France

Today, I found out that I'm not actually pregnant. I've apparently been having a hysterical pregnancy because I want a child so badly. I don't know which was worse, the look of relief on my husband's face or having to send a mass email to inform my family and friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Katy

Today, I went downstairs early in the morning to watch a movie. As I walked into the living room and reached for the light switch, I heard my dad say "Knew you'd change your mind. Get them panties off." followed by the sound of a zipper being undone. I've never been so mortified in my life. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got a text from my girlfriend saying she needed more phone credit, so I bought her more and got another message saying "Great, now I have enough credit for this..." as she spelled out a three page message breaking up with me. Yes, I paid for her to break up with me via text. FML

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By Christinemh329 - United States

Today, I had to have a word with my boss about how him coming into work drunk is probably not a very good idea. FML

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By Shenza - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I am exhausted and can barely move after being up all night taking care of my drunk and vomiting husband. He, on the other hand, feels much better and is bounding with energy. FML

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By garfwebba - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend didn't get me a present. He did, however, get me a card from our cat. He signed it "Have a purrrrfect birthday." Then he left to go to work. I was alone all day long. FML

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By Michelle - United States

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

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By Australian Lifeguard - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

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By everfresh - Finland

Today, my boyfriend thought the garbage can in our kitchen smelled bad. Instead of cleaning it, he had it equipped with a Wunderbaum. Our entire house now smells like "New Car". FML

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By disgruntled stepdaughter - United States - Reno

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

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By moopymoplady - Canada

Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML

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By kjmsit - United States

Today, I reached into my fridge to grab a strawberry soda. I noticed the can had started to leak from the top so I slurped up the spilt red liquid on the top of the can. I realized it wasn't soda, but blood from a defrosting steak on the shelf above it. FML

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By Mack - United States

Today, I rented a drill to a straight-up valley girl, with the speech affect, Von Dutch patrol cap and all. I tried to disabuse of her of the idea that aluminum is a form of steel. Apparently, that constitutes being a smartass, so she threw her change at me. FML

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By BlueSteele220 - United States - Coppell

Today, my family got mad at me for eloping and not inviting them to my wedding. Even though they admitted they wouldn't have gone anyway. FML

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By brittrod - United States

Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML

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By Alexea Luton

The eye of the beholder

Today, my boyfriend compared me to an unattractive actress. When I said it was sort of messed up to say that to me since she's not pretty, he said, "She's not as bad as you." FML

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By oh - Denmark - Viborg

Today, my grandma commented on my Facebook profile picture: "That's a great photo! It doesn't look anything like you!" FML

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By apaterra - United States

Today, I was at work at the library and a patron handed me some change. When I asked what it was for, he said he had found it in one of the urinals. FML

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By Steph - Bulgaria

Today, I realized how much I hate my apartment. Not only can I hear my creepy upstairs neighbor having sex with random hookers every few night, I can also hear him everytime he takes a shit. I honestly don't know which is worse. FML

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By owmyhead - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that when a pierced, tattooed, and otherwise extremely stereotypical biker chick jokingly threatens to find you and beat you up if you don't call her back after a one-night stand, she's not actually joking. FML

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By Non-active - United States

Today, we got our progress reports. My physics teacher wrote that I don't participate in class. My mom got mad and grounded me before I could tell her that I raise my hand in class all the time but my teacher won't call on me cause he can't pronounce my name. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my landlord sent me a text asking me to please keep it down because our loud Wednesday night sex sessions are disturbing other tenants in the building. Wednesday is my night shift every week so my wife is home alone, or at least I thought she was. FML

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By hot_mess88 - United States

Today, I got called to a biker bar to break up a fight between my parents. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 23:01

I hate the be the bearer of bad news…

Today, I texted my sister to ask her if she was OK after finding out that one of her oldest friends had died. She didn’t know. FML

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By ven980 - United States

Today, I had to blow up an air mattress using only my lungs. After nearly passing out from lack of oxygen, I realized there was a hole in it. FML

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By shartface12 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

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By stupidboss - United States - Bellingham

Today, I got into a car accident with my boss, and he asked if I could come to work the next day. I'm in the hospital and he knows it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad's new medicine for his bad intestines makes him fart so hard I can feel the vibrations through the floorboards. The whole house smells like an open sewer and he thinks it's funny. He now has to change his undies several times a day from repeatedly shitting himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/4/2020 23:00

Wow thanks, I'm cured

Today, I learned from my father that all I had to do was eat right and exercise and I would be bipolar free. Gee, why hadn't I thought of that yet? FML

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By alpine75 - United States

Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door, a clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was ok. I have to go back next week. FML

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By Ew?Really? - United States - Montrose

Today, my husband was disgusted by me expressing breast milk while we were in the shower together. This is the same man who thinks it's funny to pee on my legs because, "It'll wash off." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

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By Tasha84 - United States

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

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By heaventlyassbutt - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

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Top comments

By jojimugo | 20

#5554025 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:05

Run... Forget your girlfriend she has already been compromised

By ksktwin84 | 14

#5554026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Did you run out and leave her in there in order to post on FML? Go rescue her!

COMMENTS

By eyepuppy | 31

#5554022 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:04

Wow. That sucks man.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5554027 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

They're just flying around the house and your girlfriend just accepted it? Why the hell is she still in there?

Reply

PulseShock | 9

#5554064 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:20

Wow, they have a button for that man.

Reply

joefrazier | 20

#5554327 - Thursday 27 June 2013 3:11

Yeah, no shit.

Reply

thatgirlkat | 9

#5554488 - Thursday 27 June 2013 6:19

That'd bee a bit of a problem.

Reply

Sinistra_Blue | 12

#5554519 - Thursday 27 June 2013 6:55

Hey #60, thats offensive, wasp your language!

By jojimugo | 20

#5554025 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:05

Run... Forget your girlfriend she has already been compromised

By ksktwin84 | 14

#5554026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Did you run out and leave her in there in order to post on FML? Go rescue her!

Reply

KiddoKS | 19

#5554241 - Thursday 27 June 2013 2:02

Today my boyfriend let a bunch of wasps in the house and the ran out like a little girl, leaving me to take care of the situation. FML ---OPs girlfriend

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554028 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Fumigate your house...those things are evil.

Reply

Pesticides | 19

#5554200 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:37

forget fumigating, burn the house down, and find a new life where they won't find you.

Reply

AngrySailor | 17

#5554379 - Thursday 27 June 2013 4:31

7- earlier it was cats are evil, now wasps. Must you hate all things?

45- your comment vs your username. Is arson really necessary?

Reply

cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554419 - Thursday 27 June 2013 5:05

#66 but cats and wasps are evil! now puppies on the other hand are lovable and adorable :)

By deadhead419 | 15

#5554029 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Something similar once happened to me with a fence post

By maddyrooster | 9

#5554030 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:07

That stings man.

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5554213 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:43

See if #1 wouldve put that he wouldn't be in such a boat! Or such a hornets nest I should say.

By Haannahhh | 10

#5554031 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:07

same with my dad! except he knew about the wasps so he removed the nest before removing the screen and the placing ac.

Reply

NicaLovesDisney | 17

#5554193 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:32

Then how is it the same thing?

Reply

cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554198 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:36

Yeah, really not the same.

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#5554360 - Thursday 27 June 2013 4:19

Well... There were wasps... And a window... And... No, that's really it. Not the same at all.

Reply

makynen86 | 9

#6240020 - Sunday 22 March 2015 15:54

Not the same thing at all lol

By jonahhill | 5

#5554034 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:09

fuck you

By Colorguardlife_t | 14

#5554041 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:13

Man up and get them out of your house!

Reply

golden_warrior | 23

#5554048 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:17

What happend to equality? Is that mumbo jumbo just for the good stuff?

Reply

Pesticides | 19

#5554204 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:38

yeah! op, woman up and burn the house down!

By titibug823 | 11

#5554044 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:14

Get out, call an exterminator, get some wasp/bee killer.