Animals: Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window.... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - State College

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

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Hat Up

Carless whisper

Time for the dentist

By Target - United States

Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML

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By Unteachable - United States

Today, as a high school English teacher, I had to read submissions for a writing contest. The entries were filled with words like "irregardless", "could of", "acrost", and "ain't". These papers were supposedly written by the best students in the school. FML

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By TKDConnor92 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping a 7 year-old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, campus security called me to let me know a lawnmower crashed into my car. Apparently the guy mowing the lawn lost control. My car wasn't parked by any grass. I need a new bumper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Calhan

Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML

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By Jamie - United States

Today, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. A girl I met last night came in and said, "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FML

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By thanks iphone - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

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By anon - United States - Laurel

Today, my boyfriend sent me an article about how smelling farts can reduce dementia then added, "You're welcome." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/7/2020 20:01

Twinned

Today, I realized my boyfriend is a little too much like my ex, who passed away 6 years ago. Some days, it's as if I'm dating his personality doppleganger. FML

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By whitey - Australia

Today, I went to the beach. After applying sunscreen liberally and doing my best to stay out of the sun, I came home with the worst sunburn I have ever had. I almost needed to go to the hospital. I am officially too pale to be allowed outside in summer. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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By komp6390 - United States

Today, my roommate and I got charged $100 for having a cat in our apartment. I was only babysitting the cat so my neighbors wouldn't get caught and fined. We got caught because my roommate reported the people downstairs for having a dog, so they reported that someone else in the building had a cat. FML

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By nurseITHINKNOT - United States

Today, I finally started my job as an in-home caregiver. The man I was hired to care for died two hours after I made it to his house. FML

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By MollyMo - United States

Today, my parents saw my report card. Now, they refuse to buy me my the new computer I've always wanted because my grades had 'slipped'. I made honor roll for three terms, and was kept off for the fourth for a single bad grade. I failed gym. FML

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By hellolaina - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that without fail, even if I'm not supposed to get it, I get my period just in time for vacations. FML

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By BrokeAndHungry - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

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By SpaceAstronaut - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the "nasty smell" in my room, which I cannot detect, does not exist. It was just my stepmother trying to make me go insane deep-cleaning my room for her personal amusement. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Irmo

Today, I'm moving. While packing, I realized I hadn't seen my cat in a few hours. I called her and realized she was inside one of the hundreds of boxes in my house. I accidentally packed my cat. FML

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By Erin - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

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By hopeless - United States

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML

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By RowanBlossom - 7/7/2020 05:01

The lifescript

Today, I found out that my mother doesn’t visit me because I'm the only sibling without children. She posts all about her wonderful children on social media, but I'm left out. She hasn't set foot in my house since I moved out of hers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tustin

Today, my smartphone addiction reached a new level of pathetic when I checked my weather app to see if it was cloudy outside. There was a window right behind me. FML

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By spider-sarah - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out the hard way that if you leave your sheets on the washing line too long, spiders will go and make their new home in them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was lying on the couch with my boyfriend and was feeling tired, so I got a soda. I sat back down and surprised him with a passionate kiss. I also surprised him when I suddenly burped right into his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was ringing a lady up at the register. I noticed her son was doing the peepee dance, so I rushed the payment process up and handed her the receipt. The little boy says "Mommy" and the mom looks down, then back up at me saying, "Your problem now" and walks out. The boy peed on the floor. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 12:00 - Romania - Orsova

Gamers rise up

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me after 2 years of being together. The reason? I don't enjoy playing video games as much as he does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Chester

Today, I was outside talking to my new neighbor. I was gesturing while talking and didn't notice the little kid riding her bike coming our way. I ended up accidentally smacking her in the face and knocking her off her bike. Apparently she's my new neighbor's daughter. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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By Hotmama - United States

Puppy love

Today, I was nice to my son's friend. He's 27 and needs to get a life, so now he won't stop texting me and flirting. I will have to escort him back, not just to the "friend zone", but to the "I'm twice your age and your friend's mom zone." FML

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By Winxy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

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By justine - United States

Today, I went to see a play. I'm pregnant, so I always need to pee. At intermission, I ran to use the bathroom, but there was a really long line. I asked the woman in front of me if I could pass her. She responded, "You don't look pregnant!", and lectured me about lying while I peed my pants. FML

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By Dan

John Tucker would've known what to do.

Today, in a rush, I accidentally wore my sister's underwear. I'm a guy. I had gym class today. FML

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By Amanda Howard

Says something about you, probably

Today, my brother, who recently got out of prison after doing time for armed robbery, got a job at Target. I applied to the same Target six times, and was denied every time. FML

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By solyana vr1 - United States

Today, my husband started getting frisky, but I wasn't in the mood, so I said I'd just like to cuddle and talk. He decided a good topic of conversation was whether or not it would be physically possible to smoke my grandma's ashes from the cremation urn. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

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Top comments

By jojimugo | 20

#5554025 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:05

Run... Forget your girlfriend she has already been compromised

By ksktwin84 | 14

#5554026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Did you run out and leave her in there in order to post on FML? Go rescue her!

COMMENTS

By eyepuppy | 31

#5554022 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:04

Wow. That sucks man.

Reply

imaginaryvoice | 18

#5554027 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

They're just flying around the house and your girlfriend just accepted it? Why the hell is she still in there?

Reply

PulseShock | 9

#5554064 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:20

Wow, they have a button for that man.

Reply

joefrazier | 20

#5554327 - Thursday 27 June 2013 3:11

Yeah, no shit.

Reply

thatgirlkat | 9

#5554488 - Thursday 27 June 2013 6:19

That'd bee a bit of a problem.

Reply

Sinistra_Blue | 12

#5554519 - Thursday 27 June 2013 6:55

Hey #60, thats offensive, wasp your language!

By jojimugo | 20

#5554025 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:05

Run... Forget your girlfriend she has already been compromised

By ksktwin84 | 14

#5554026 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Did you run out and leave her in there in order to post on FML? Go rescue her!

Reply

KiddoKS | 19

#5554241 - Thursday 27 June 2013 2:02

Today my boyfriend let a bunch of wasps in the house and the ran out like a little girl, leaving me to take care of the situation. FML ---OPs girlfriend

By cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554028 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Fumigate your house...those things are evil.

Reply

Pesticides | 19

#5554200 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:37

forget fumigating, burn the house down, and find a new life where they won't find you.

Reply

AngrySailor | 17

#5554379 - Thursday 27 June 2013 4:31

7- earlier it was cats are evil, now wasps. Must you hate all things?

45- your comment vs your username. Is arson really necessary?

Reply

cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554419 - Thursday 27 June 2013 5:05

#66 but cats and wasps are evil! now puppies on the other hand are lovable and adorable :)

By deadhead419 | 15

#5554029 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:06

Something similar once happened to me with a fence post

By maddyrooster | 9

#5554030 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:07

That stings man.

Reply

Damian95 | 16

#5554213 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:43

See if #1 wouldve put that he wouldn't be in such a boat! Or such a hornets nest I should say.

By Haannahhh | 10

#5554031 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:07

same with my dad! except he knew about the wasps so he removed the nest before removing the screen and the placing ac.

Reply

NicaLovesDisney | 17

#5554193 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:32

Then how is it the same thing?

Reply

cuppycakeslove | 20

#5554198 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:36

Yeah, really not the same.

Reply

VeganVampyre | 26

#5554360 - Thursday 27 June 2013 4:19

Well... There were wasps... And a window... And... No, that's really it. Not the same at all.

Reply

makynen86 | 9

#6240020 - Sunday 22 March 2015 15:54

Not the same thing at all lol

By jonahhill | 5

#5554034 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:09

fuck you

By Colorguardlife_t | 14

#5554041 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:13

Man up and get them out of your house!

Reply

golden_warrior | 23

#5554048 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:17

What happend to equality? Is that mumbo jumbo just for the good stuff?

Reply

Pesticides | 19

#5554204 - Thursday 27 June 2013 1:38

yeah! op, woman up and burn the house down!

By titibug823 | 11

#5554044 - Thursday 27 June 2013 0:14

Get out, call an exterminator, get some wasp/bee killer.