Animals: Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified...

By DogLover - 06/02/2013 13:59 - United States - Watertown

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 555

You deserved it 4 809

Father's Day: Daddy Chicken or Daddy Wet Hen?
Stories of extraordinary fathers, sometimes awkward but always hilarious. A family read! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 29/03/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I saw a spider in my bathtub, so instead of killing it, i decided to bring my dog inside the bathroom to kill the spider for me. Turns out that the spider was a black widow, and my dog was bit. The dog killed the spider. The spider killed my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 156

You deserved it 185 598

By imfromtexas02 - 06/06/2009 14:03 - United States

Today, I discovered an enormous hairy spider sitting in the bathtub. I also discovered that I scream like a girl and pee a little bit when I am truly terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 434

You deserved it 12 620

By nopenopenopenope - 23/09/2016 03:28 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, I tried to have a relaxing soak in the tub. The giant wolf spider that was already in the tub didn't like me trying to set it free outside. It ran right across my feet and back into my house when I dumped it out of a cup outside. I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 674

You deserved it 2 471

By eightleggedtictac - 08/06/2014 15:10 - United States - Worcester

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend shrieking at the top of his lungs. I ran into the dining room where he was, to find him standing on the table screaming "Kill it!" while pointing at an unmoving spider the size of a Tic Tac on the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 774

You deserved it 6 847

By hadtocleanthemess - 28/06/2011 12:35 - Canada

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 881

You deserved it 4 198

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 284

You deserved it 14 258

Monster in my bathroom

By Thescarlettfox - 16/02/2020 01:00

Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 450

You deserved it 871

Juicy breakfast

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 01:01 - Canada - Warman

Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 150

By terrified - 09/08/2015 03:10 - United States - Forest City

Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 406

You deserved it 2 444

Leave spiders to chill

By Anonymous - 17/12/2020 14:07

Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 316

Al_HyLo 5

Wednesday 6 February 2013 19:00

genius. I do that to my sister

zingline89 18

Wednesday 6 February 2013 19:02

I think I just found my new favorite way to kill spiders

Comments

yresim 12

Sunday 10 February 2013 2:29

OMG, I want your dog. Greatest party trick ever: introduce a spider and watch hilarity ensue. Although, I think I'd do it outside...

fmllols 4

Sunday 10 February 2013 14:47

i read that as dad, that woulda been awkward

rachel_h 14

Sunday 17 February 2013 2:37

Smart dog! Haha

ROFLWWARP 2

Monday 18 February 2013 21:27

Smart dog

1SxcBuNnii 10

Saturday 20 April 2013 17:54

That's a smart dog!

TheRealPitBoss 17

Tuesday 23 July 2013 0:58

That's the greatest thing I've ever heard!

fuggotmuggot 14

Tuesday 25 February 2014 18:33

Youre dog is adorable.

baileebelle2014 5

Tuesday 5 August 2014 6:17

smart dog

celinadepp 21

Saturday 9 August 2014 17:32

Hey, at least your dog dealt with the situation in his own way!

Keywords

Work Mental health Annoying Customers Tattoos Transportation Accident Bikes Motorbike Concert Money Kids Parents Family Love Nice Guys AITA Cute Health Hair Divorce Sex Weddings Cheating Animals Cats DIY Relatable Awkward Friends

The Top

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 864

You deserved it 696

Today, I've been sexting a mysterious guy from New Jersey. I was getting hot, so I decided to say, "I want you to be my first." Suddenly, my officemate who was two desks away from me waved her phone in hand and shouted, "You're a virgin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 677

The Top

Today, I got to try on a stunning suit that made me the handsomest man in the world. Upcoming prom? No. Wedding? No. I attended a date... A court date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 384

You deserved it 2 085

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 106

You deserved it 5 680

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 861

You deserved it 48 656

Today, my new calculus teacher taught everything using nothing but soccer terms and analogies, just so the resident idiot meatheads would understand. I didn't learn a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 261

You deserved it 5 388

Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 897

You deserved it 9 212

Today, after attending lectures for months, studying for weeks, and spending hours writing a 15-page research paper, I was informed that due to technological issues during registration, I was not enrolled in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 973

You deserved it 1 242

Same thing different taste

Monster in my bathroom

Juicy breakfast

Leave spiders to chill

Top comments

Comments