Love: Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have... - FML

By diskdude13 - 15/10/2009 01:48 - United States

Today, I just let out all my feeling for a woman that I have loved for 22 years. When I finished she said "You're so funny" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 572

You deserved it 6 399

BO Central

Batman

Almost there

By Anonymous - 09/03/2017 20:00

Today, we'd booked a spot for 20 people for my grandma's birthday. Turns out the reservation didn't go through. Now 20 people are waiting inside and outside for a group of old people to finish eating. They just barely got their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 704

You deserved it 550

By peridot1aa - 24/10/2018 03:00

Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 548

You deserved it 207

By kitty shah - 17/06/2012 17:01 - United States

Today, I was having a debate with my friend over tattoos. I used the example that you wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a Ferrari. He looked me in the eye and said, "Yeah, but you're no Ferrari. More like a Prius." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 202

You deserved it 27 377

By Debra2005 - 20/05/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, I adopted a dog from the local shelter. I put the dog in the car and he was shedding everywhere, but I was ok with that because he was my dog. As I pulled into the parking lot, the dog began to poop in the backseat of my car. When I got him out of the car, he ran off. $100 for him to poop and run away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 268

You deserved it 10 677

You've got a friend

By no one - 21/05/2011 09:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a mosquito feeding on my morning wood; probably the only thing that will ever suck my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 545

You deserved it 11 377

By Pissy - 27/11/2016 20:15

Today, I was traveling home with my four-year-old son. While we were standing in line at the security checkpoint, I hear the sound of water dripping and turned to find my son urinating on the floor. He'd read a sign that said we weren't allowed to take any liquids with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 310

You deserved it 1 034

By Mikey - 28/04/2009 06:50 - United States

Today, I finally got cleared after my knee surgery and wanted to go salsa dancing with a girl I liked. So we went and I thought I would show off a little bit and try to dip her and kiss her. Turns out my knee isn't strong enough and now she won't talk to me after dropping her on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 449

You deserved it 46 248

Missing the one

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 11:01 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I had a dream where I was with my last girlfriend, from five years ago. Nothing dirty. Just leaning on each other, talking, and smiling. Woke up and felt like she was really here, and now I miss her as much as when she had to leave the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 959

You deserved it 100

By Backinzi - 30/07/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, my 17 pound cat fell from a counter. It wouldn't have been a big deal if he didn't try to use my leg as a tree to cling onto on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 059

You deserved it 4 945

By Anonymous - 23/11/2014 17:46 - United States

Today, I held the door open for an old lady, before realizing she was a teacher taking 20-plus kids to lunch at local burger joint, all of whom got in front of me in the line to order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 277

You deserved it 5 218

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 11:40 - United Kingdom - Chatham

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 243

You deserved it 3 392

By Rachal - 30/01/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 719

You deserved it 10 878

By hcditfi5foygy - 23/07/2018 19:04

Today, my crush confessed their love for me, and I happily told them that I felt the same way. They looked uncomfortable, so I asked why. Apparently they'd been paid to prank me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 258

Hair of the dog

By shartface12 - 06/06/2014 22:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 937

You deserved it 43 519

By Ulysse - 01/01/2009 19:09 - United Kingdom

Today, I have my new iPod Touch, and I'm walking down the street. Since it's really cold, I'm wearing gloves. At some point, I want to change the song, and don't want to remove my gloves. I try changing the song with my nose, for about 3 minutes, until I realize I look really stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 222

You deserved it 37 446

By Buggga - 22/08/2009 09:07 - Australia

Today, I was instructed to shave my back in preperation for my first tattoo. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 019

You deserved it 12 555

By iGreen - 09/07/2011 14:34 - Canada

Today, my mom cooked her dog some potatoes, carrots, beef, rice and peas. She cooks better food for her dog than she will for our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 467

You deserved it 3 602

By Mulee - 07/03/2009 12:03 - Belgium

Spicy

Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 313

You deserved it 167 706

By jobless - 13/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I discovered out of the 20 job applications only one job called me for an interview. They told me to leave after two sentences. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 811

You deserved it 8 392

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 01:30

Today, I spent 900 dollars on a ticket for my boyfriend to visit me and he missed the flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 205

You deserved it 544

By Lizzy - 11/11/2016 03:01

Today, I tried to make things less awkward by complimenting my Tai Chi partner's ring and he says, "Thanks, it's a purity ring!" I said, "I used to have one of those. Would you believe me if I said I lost it in a river?" Now my entire Tai Chi class thinks I lost my virginity in a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 933

You deserved it 2 674

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 02:19 - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 743

You deserved it 4 053

By wasntworththedrive - 20/01/2010 06:43 - United States

Spicy

Today, the guy that I've recently became close to texted me, wanting to hook up. He's very cute and I was definitely interested, so I agreed. The drive to his house lasted longer than the actual sex. He lives less than five minutes away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 428

You deserved it 4 835

We all do it. Don't we?

By Anonymous - 30/08/2010 07:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, I saw my girlfriend scratch her crotch and then sniff her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 950

You deserved it 13 706

By Anonymous - 27/12/2012 02:09 - United States - Roswell

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 038

You deserved it 24 433

By brows - 03/03/2009 22:47 - United States

Today, I went to get my eyebrows waxed at a korean salon. I have never been there before and it's hard to understand their accents. The women asked me if I wanted "them all off". Not fully understanding what she said, I agreed. When she showed me the mirror, she had taken off my whole eyebrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 52 437

Really close

By Anonymous - 15/06/2020 20:08

Today, my sister made her engagement official on Facebook. When I shared the post to spread the word, people didn't read her boyfriend's name, and I started getting questions on why my sister and I were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 270

By aquagoddess - 03/07/2018 19:00

Today, I used the last of my money to buy a bag of vending machine chips for dinner. It got stuck. A passerby saw and generously offered to buy another bag of the same chips to dislodge it. Gratefully, I accepted his offer. It stayed stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 653

You deserved it 244

By bcf1234 - 15/10/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I waited in line at Subway. There were two people in front of me. The first lady had seven sandwiches and the second lady had four. So after patiently waiting, I ordered my sandwich, only to have my credit card declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 539

You deserved it 12 082

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/08/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 991

You deserved it 8 242

By Anonymous - 13/09/2010 22:24 - United States

Today, I was telling my friend about how my boyfriend never does anything nice for me. Confused, she replied, "That's odd, he's always doing nice things for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 126

You deserved it 4 365

By Anonymous - 07/09/2018 22:00

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 308

You deserved it 212

By thechad_144 - 01/06/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at an elementary school a girl showed me her grandma's obituary in the paper and started crying. To stop her from crying I made things out of the rest of the paper, later she asked me where her grandma's obituary was. I accidentally made it into a hat, with lots of tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 078

You deserved it 52 997

By akimbojuju - 22/06/2015 15:12 - United States

Today, my pinky finger found out how much a king size bed weighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 861

You deserved it 2 885

By izoliv - 22/11/2008 08:17 - France

Spicy

Today, after a tremendously hot night with a guy I met the night before, I ask him his phone number. To which he replied: "What for?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 624

You deserved it 10 718

By stolen - 11/04/2011 19:29 - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 927

You deserved it 5 334

By storksleuth - 04/10/2011 08:57 - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 839

You deserved it 5 558

I've just got one of those faces

By Eric Rivera - 29/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 100

By Alex - 15/07/2009 20:17 - United States

Today, I found a website that lets you write an email to yourself from "the past". I used my boss's address, and wrote a long email about how much I hate him, signed from me. It worked, and he'll receive it in 6 months, after I move away. He's already received the confirmation email, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 150

You deserved it 58 933

By Anonymous - 31/03/2016 23:48 - United States

Today, I took a two-hour bus ride to get to orientation, got stuck a block away because the pedestrian sidewalk was closed, waited half-an-hour for my ride in the rain, when someone called the cops on me for acting suspicious. I got to the interview soaking wet, and they told me they'd rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 811

You deserved it 1 327

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Top comments

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:22

this has to be the most common theme ever: "I told a stranger I've secretly loved/stalked them forever then they laughed/called the police. FML." Seriously? This place has more stalkers than facebook...

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:25

22 years? Too slow. YDI

Comments

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:21

uber lame

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Thursday 15 October 2009 13:40

22 years? Give it up already.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 21:48

fucking seriously...and im tired of you dumbasses like the op thinking "oh i like this girl. i must be in love." if some girl came up to me and said "ive loved you for two years but just didnt have the courage to tell you" i'd probly be like "you know how we hold conversations on a regular basis? yeah lets stop doing that."

Send a private message

Friday 23 October 2009 21:58

If a girl came up to me and said that, I'd do her.

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Thursday 1 July 2010 9:02

76 I feel ya there homes

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Tuesday 3 August 2010 8:47

well good thing you won't ever have to be put in that situation, #50

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Friday 3 September 2010 7:54

Time to start attending the Stalkers Anonymous meetings, OP. After that amount of time, and your not dating or married, it's called obsession. That shrine on your wall, it isn't what normal people do.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:22

this has to be the most common theme ever: "I told a stranger I've secretly loved/stalked them forever then they laughed/called the police. FML." Seriously? This place has more stalkers than facebook...

Send a private message

Thursday 15 October 2009 8:23

No kidding! Shit, how many people need to grow some testicles/ovaries? 22 fucking years!? No sympathy.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 13:10

Agree, this is a YDI for waiting 22 freakin years!

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:23

first i made it

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:51

STEEERIKE!

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:25

22 years? Too slow. YDI

ht01 0

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Monday 1 November 2010 7:18

agreed u shuldve gotten over yur crush rather than waitin for years o.0

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:28

Agreed with almost everyone above. YDI for being a spineless pussy for 22 years. Of course she thought you were funny... you're a fucking joke.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:49

22 years...Seriously??? No wonder she thinks your a fucking joke! You should have manned up about 2 decades ago. You majorly deserved it!

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:54

fuck off ladiesman

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Thursday 15 October 2009 8:56

she's probably married after 22 years, so you knew that was coming

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Thursday 15 October 2009 9:00

Yeah man. YOU DESERVE IT. Why wait for 22 fucking years? Really. Wtf. Move on, find another girl. THERE ARE LOTS OUT THERE YOU KNOW.

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Thursday 15 October 2009 9:12

22 years? I'm sorry, but you really deserved it.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 57

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 397

You deserved it 51

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 113