Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, in one of the corridors at university, I was pretending to have passionate sex with one of my lecturers to make my mates laugh. She happened to walk by just at that moment. She reminded me when my next exam is; she will be marking me. FML
Today, the principal of my school asked me if I had practice. Knowing he's gullible, I said yes. I came home to find him and my mom having sex. FML
Today, I was bitching to my mom on the phone about the long, boring paper assignment my Lit professor gave us. Right after saying, "That woman needs to get laid" I heard laughter behind me. I turned around. Hello professor, just on my way to drop the course. FML
Today, while at a grocery store, I told my mom I had some good news. She exclaimed, "You finally got a boyfriend?!" No mom, just an A on my math test. FML
Today, at my job as a second grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML
Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML
Today, my mom shrieked in horror and burst into hysterical tears when I casually mentioned I was having sex. I've been married for three years. My wife and I have sex. Deal with it. FML
Today, I was joking to mom that at the rate I’m going I’ll have to start an OnlyFans to afford college next year. She shrugged like it was nothing because apparently prostitution got her through college and bought her her first house before she accidentally got pregnant with me. Um, WHAT? FML
Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML
Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML
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Top comments
mariasaur 0
I have a feeling she was responding with a joke.
bumverb 0
sorry, that's hilarious
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Comments (62)
jaycro 0
well your mom knows what's important
emdre 0
hahahaha your mom is hilarious
Brittonica 0
OMG this is probably the best one I've read
kekelala3 0
How is this an FML again?
Miss_gord 0
that's halarious
Jojooo_fml 0
Haha what a boss:D
KiDtastrophy28 0
either she wus jus jokinq (i hope) or she's a **** (i hope) why wud i hope she's a **** yu ask ? i mean hey as lonq as im qettinq my head im qudd... i think i want my futire job to be a professor (: all my FEMALE students wud ACE that class lol
XxKyttixX 0
Epic Win.
klm0200 0
Who even reads the agreement things anymore?
mjmeyer 0
nope. she's right. ur nt