Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy when he pointed behind me and said, “Hey, what’s that?” I looked behind me and he burst out laughing, saying he “can’t believe I’m so stupid that I still fall for that old trick.” We were having a conversation, not a physical fight. FML
Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years took offense to a "That's what she said joke", and blew up, saying she doesn't like those jokes. She thinks that she is the "She" of the jokes every time I guess. I tried explaining how the jokes work, but she wouldn't believe me. She says that I'm just lying. FML
Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML
Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML
Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML
Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML
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Top comments
redbluegreen 41
Well, it is a natural reaction when you're getting blown.
beclaurela 18
The wind just penetrates the branches relentlessly. What else would happen?
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Comments (59)
awkward611 26
no offense but maybe you should get new friends or just replace her...
rickyfk 4
I have an friend like that
SkyBlueCloud 21
My friends mother told her other daughter she could get pregnant from kissing and she believed it and cried
Nicostream 16
Is she hot? Direct her to me so I can tell her that casually blowing me is a way of showing friendship in my country.
Prelud 9
Why would you be friend with such an imbecile? You deserve it.
CarouselHeart 11
It doesn't really sound like you're her friend, it sounds like you just keep her around to feel better about yourself. YDI.
OwenBicker 14
Literally how did you even come to that conclusion???
ameyer13 8
Hey I've had my stupid moment OP one time or another. Just explain to your friend that it was meant to be a joke. And don't judge her for her mistake either!