Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML
Today, I was talking to a guy when he pointed behind me and said, “Hey, what’s that?” I looked behind me and he burst out laughing, saying he “can’t believe I’m so stupid that I still fall for that old trick.” We were having a conversation, not a physical fight. FML
Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years took offense to a "That's what she said joke", and blew up, saying she doesn't like those jokes. She thinks that she is the "She" of the jokes every time I guess. I tried explaining how the jokes work, but she wouldn't believe me. She says that I'm just lying. FML
Today, I found out that my friends have been "fake laughing" whenever I make a joke just so that the situation doesn't get awkward. FML
Today, my best friend told me that she was a virgin again because she hadn't had sex in 6 months. She's 19 and actually believes it. FML
Today, while I was telling a friend she needs to be more careful about getting hurt, I dislocated and sprained my thumb. She then laughed at me and said, "Yes, I will." FML
Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML
Today, I found out that a female colleague thinks that because I got a vasectomy, I "got my balls chopped off." Then again, this woman also believes the cracks in her front brick fence are because her house is built on the equator. FML
Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
redbluegreen 40
Well, it is a natural reaction when you're getting blown.
beclaurela 18
The wind just penetrates the branches relentlessly. What else would happen?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (59)
buckdharma 37
Yes, when the wind blows that's usually what gets a tree's nuts off.
puffleprincess 7
Ha! (:
JudgeComrade 17
Now tell her that when she has orgasms, it's actually just her swaying from the "cosmic winds."
buckdharma 37
The poor Weeping Willow, she always had to use her Palm. I wish that was Himalayan on my Buckeye. Then it happened! He fell for her Ash! Their romance didn't last long though because he soon found out she was really a Beech and was only trying to get knocked up, not knowing he was a Rubber tree.
imonkeyface 9
How did you even come up with that?
ViviMage 39
Don't you need a nervous system to have an ******? You don't!?
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Your friend very well could be that stupid. Or, your friend is trolling the shit out of you for saying something so stupid in the first place.
graceinsheepwear 33
I have a sudden urge to sleep in the forest tonight.
soldiat_fml 17
What I'd like to know is how this topic even came up.
skyeyez9 24
The Whomping Willow tree from the Harry Potter book came to mind when I read this.
revolution4ever 14
So that's why trees give us syrup! It all makes sense now.
Goblin182 26
Syrup is just tree cum?
RedPillSucks 31
Damn. Never having syrup on my pancakes ever again!