Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband and I announced our upcoming divorce. My friends told me how sorry they were and that they're available for whatever I need. His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again. FML
Today, I jokingly told my friend that when a tree seems to sway in the wind, it's really just having an orgasm. Not only did she believe me, she's been smugly informing everyone we know. She's 26. I seem to be friends with an absolute idiot. FML
Today, my best friend got drunk and told me he's only friends with me because no one else will be friends with him. He then went on to tell me that he wasn't actually that drunk. FML
Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML
Today, I told my friend, who's a marriage counsellor, about some of the things my husband does that I hate, like snoring loudly and eating with his mouth open. I wasn't asking for advice, but she just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Divorce." Bye-bye, faith in humanity. FML
Today, someone in class was making a point about premarital intercourse - "90% of teen virgins aren't saving it for marriage, they just can't get any." Another classmate pointed me out specifically. FML
Today, my friend said that his dad told him we couldn't hang out anymore, he thinks I'm a bad influence because I don't have all 90's in my classes. The only reason he knows I have below a 90 is because he's my geography teacher. I have an 87. FML
Today, my husband of 30 years told me that he thought we should 'just be friends'. FML
Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML
Today, I told a friend I had become more religious lately. He immediately started mocking me for being a "stupid creationist bigot." When I told him how offensive that was, he acted bewildered and started condescendingly lecturing me about how "science has proven God does not exist." FML
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Top comments
CatchMe25 16
Gather some real statistical data and run a multiple regression with an alpha level of .05 to determine what negative characteristics are contributing to your poor friend choices. Then use that to improve. Problem solved. :)
horneyhic 15
He's right it's somewhere between 50 and 60%
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Comments (36)
CatchMe25 16
Gather some real statistical data and run a multiple regression with an alpha level of .05 to determine what negative characteristics are contributing to your poor friend choices. Then use that to improve. Problem solved. :)
LadyQuantum 7
What an idiot!
CatchMe25 16
#7....moi? I'd like to see some statistical proof of that arbitrary comment! Unless you're just comment jacking in which case good for you.
LadyQuantum 7
You need not worry, I thought I'd comment the easy way.....comment jacking - it's my thing ;)
fivetimeslonger 24
You just gave me a nerdgasam. Thank you.
CatchMe25 16
Why you're welcome #24, I aim to please :)
Kamon97 23
Divorce rates are still scary though its like love is dying :/
HersheySquirts 17
love isn't dying. A lot of relationships have complications in the long run and instead of trying to fix things people see divorce as an easy out. It's never easy though.
pyroplatypus 3
#34 - Saying "love is dying" with regards to marriage presupposes most marriages have historically been based on love. This is a fairly modern phenomena. Divorce rates are up for many reasons that have nothing to do with "love": -Less stigma -Less churches telling you you'll go to h*ll if you get divorced -Women being able to provide for themselves without a man (so less fear of splitting up) -People actually getting married for love (and then falling out of love eventually) -People living longer (and therefore having to deal with their spouse longer) That's just off the top of my head.
uoeno_fml 20
90% of friendships aren't that important is something you can say to him
pinkster2014 25
Lol, good idea. And OP saying that 90% of statistics are made up is exactly like the familiar quote from Abe Lincoln about the problem with things you hear on the Internet.... xD Oh, the irony
kjack49044 18
People can be so negatively literal...hope you worked things out OP!
LittleBlackbird 20
He actually just confirmed what you said.
aaaa_fml 13
The point is he didn't get the obvious joke.
donkinator 24
the good old statistics debate, they always seem to end up with someone losing their shit.
GnrlKitty 16
Statistical..... Debate.... See the irony in that?
horneyhic 15
He's right it's somewhere between 50 and 60%
kingdomgirl94 29
Why is this being down voted? Its accurate. We covered it in my Family Studies class in high school and again when stats came up in first year uni psych....
XSimpleDesignX 18
It was getting down voted because it seemed pretty obvious OP made up that statistic to prove a point.
rldostie 19
It's actually not that high-- it depends on how you look at the statistics. First time marriages are less likely to get a divorce, somewhere in the 40 percentile. The overall number of divorces is driven up by second marriages and above. Essentially, people who have divorced once are more likely to divorce a second time, making the statistic higher. So if you're a first time marriage, only about 40-something% end in divorce. If you're divorced and remarry, 50-something% end in divorce. Statistics can be misleading if you don't pay attention to how they're added up.
aaaa_fml 13
He was referring to the divorce statistic, which is around 50% of total marriage ending in divorce. That one is accurate, and the op was wrong when he made fun of his friend for making up statistics.
EdenCrystal 21
I hear you can get them at Fred Meyers
cyttex 13
I like that, I will use that from now one
HersheySquirts 17
What exactly are you planning to use?
cyttex 13
Lemme clarify I like what op said in response to his friend bringing up statistics
Killerbee442 9
I will gladly be your friend.
jsp16 24
Can I join this friendship?
Steve95401 49
If 90% of statistics are made up, what about the other half?
bbrree1 6
Half of 100 is 90? Interesting...
fivetimeslonger 24
The other half are commenters on this site not getting the jokes.