Today, I was at my best friend's house, listening to him complain about his mother remembering all the bad stuff he did when he was in high school. I jokingly said, "An elephant never forgets." Guess who was behind me. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I accidentally let slip to my mom that I hardly remember the graduation party she threw me four years ago. She proceeded to verbally assault me for forgetting the special occasion. I had a brain complication two years ago which resulted in some memory loss. Apparently, it's my fault. FML
Today, I was in the car with my mom. We were discussing my brother, how he's been screwing up majorly lately and she blamed it on his friends. Then she turned to me and said, "It's a good thing you've never had any friends." FML
Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML
Today, my dad had fun embarrassing me as much as possible in my parent-teacher conference by moaning whenever the teacher talked. FML
Today, an old friend of my mom's yelled at me for "ignoring" her. I wasn't responding because she was getting my name wrong, so I assumed she was referring to someone else. FML
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
Today, my mother went on another long rant, detailing 20 years of bad things that we all already knew about a relative. The slightest recollection in a conversation never fails to turn into unending monologues. I can't change the past, nor the subject of conversation apparently. FML
Today, I posted a meme which said "I don't know where some people learned their inside voices, but it must have been in a helicopter with running chainsaws." My mom laughed at it. I didn't have the strength nor the bravery to tell her that it was meant for her. Then my dad laughed at it. It was also meant for him. FML
Today, my best friend promised me that she'd be there after a rough night the night before. Hours later, I did some digging and found out that she went ahead and called another group of friends behind my back, and then told me to stop being a baby when I figured it out. FML
Today, I was talking to my best friend about how much of an asshole my ex-boyfriend is. After about 2 hours of non-stop bitching, it turns out she's actually dating him. FML
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Top comments
gearhead369 20
And she will never forget you said that either
James_is_Mexican 25
Well I'd say you'd have to talk about the elephant in the room but sounds like you already did...
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Comments (34)
gearhead369 20
And she will never forget you said that either
shemademedoit 20
no more going over their house
jeff_boles 12
And that's when you say, "...The elephant's outstanding memory is the only trait you have in common with it. That and you're really fat." It fixes everything!
erizonkim 17
uh oh your name says what happened next...
James_is_Mexican 25
Well I'd say you'd have to talk about the elephant in the room but sounds like you already did...
starwind3437 6
I'm guessing an elephant was behind you.
Ihavegas 22
big momma gunna knock you the **** out
jeff_boles 12
Too bad she'll never forget that. Unless you use a two by four...
amileah13 26
Time to pick up your feet and run away!!
funneh1 21
Oooh, watch what you say and where you say it.
Dre27 20
Run, an elephant can't catch you. On second thought if it can catch you, you don't have the right to call anyone else an elephant.