Work: Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that... - FML

By NCanalyst - 11/11/2009 20:28 - Norway

Today, I interviewed potential employees for a job position that I was supposed to get promoted to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 454

You deserved it 2 348

Good kid

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Dysfunctional

By FML - 05/07/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, I came to work ready to impress my boss. A couple of weeks ago I asked him for a promotion from stock to sales and I have been proving myself worthy. Turns out he hired a new girl for sales, with great, big, fake breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 995

You deserved it 4 597

By NOIDIDNOT - 19/11/2012 06:21 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I had my wisdom teeth taken out. I vaguely remember telling the doctor that I'm a virgin. Several times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 864

You deserved it 2 938

By 11321 - 22/04/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I went on somewhat of a blind date. The date was OK until he tried to spoon feed me. This didn't go over so well. Later, I noticed a strange looking brief case he was carrying. I asked him what it was and he whipped out 5 yoyos and did a yoyo show in the middle of the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 932

You deserved it 6 872

By fuck - 14/08/2011 19:31 - United States

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 780

You deserved it 15 745

By madari - 21/10/2012 23:11 - Spain - Benalm?dena

Today, my husband and I went to marriage counselling. I confessed something that was bothering me, but he didn't understand. Our counselor repeated word-for-word what I said right back at him. He turned to me angrily and shouted, "Why couldn't you just say that the first time?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 013

You deserved it 2 803

By KidKillah - 01/09/2012 04:07 - United States - Napa

Today, a small kid looked at me, screamed in terror, and hid behind his dad. I was just walking down the same aisle in the store. This is far from the first time it's happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 992

You deserved it 3 166

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/01/2011 22:50 - France

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 611

You deserved it 3 596

Ed Shitran

By Lucky Willis - 16/10/2021 05:00 - United States - Sebring

Today, I wrote a song for my ex-girlfriend, hoping maybe we could give it another try. I emailed it to her and went about my day, wondering if she would respond. About six hours later, a deputy knocks on my door and serves me with an order of protection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 1 326

By Ignored - 11/04/2011 09:39 - United Kingdom

Today, my phone wasn't working properly. After sending out 40 texts and getting no replies, I decided to test my phone by sending it a text from my old phone. The text came through straight away. Turns out my phone's working perfectly and 40 people are just ignoring me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 448

You deserved it 12 202

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 19:00

Today, according to my girlfriend's instant messenger, which she left open on my laptop, I am her rough shag on the side while she searches for a guy who is husband material that her parents will approve of. I guess the engagement ring in my bag is going back to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 200

You deserved it 293

By forever alone - 30/08/2016 13:55 - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando

Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 705

You deserved it 1 629

By beaverfever - 06/08/2014 16:45 - Poland - Kolobrzeg

Today, I wore a tank top for the first time in a few years. It turned out even worse than the last time. I got insulted by several people over my "Never say never" upper chest tattoo, which I got years ago, before the words ever became associated with a certain douchy Canadian pop "singer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 210

You deserved it 10 743

Paaaaaaarty!

By Boyufd - 16/08/2019 22:00

Today, it's my birthday. I'd planned an outside party in my backyard, and I'd invited all of my friends. Only 2 of them showed up. It also rained today, even though it wasn't supposed to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 164

By pisspantsjob - 31/07/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, at work, I fell asleep. This is how I discovered that when I'm sleeping, and am scared awake by my boss with an air horn, I yelp louder than a terrier and piss my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 727

You deserved it 49 225

The girl?

By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 01:00

Today, my mate was bragging about the nudes he was getting from this random girl, he proceeded to show me... It was my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 511

You deserved it 254

By Anonymous - 26/07/2009 17:00 - France

Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 716

You deserved it 58 839

By hatecolin - 10/09/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, I was driving my new car home when I came around a sharp turn to see a groundhog in the road. I kindly stopped and allowed it to cross when all of the sudden a car slammed into the back of mine. Then, another car went flying around us. That car hit and killed the groundhog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 743

You deserved it 12 929

By Nighty-nitrogen - 10/05/2016 00:07 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I was trying to sleep, when I felt someone rattling my bed from underneath. Petrified from shock, I lied there for what felt like hours, waiting for a murderer to spring out. I must've finally fallen asleep, and when I woke up in the morning, I found out it was a minor earthquake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 456

You deserved it 1 831

By Rage - 08/10/2009 17:31 - United States

Today, while working on my girlfriend of three years' computer I found a file called 'My future wedding'. I assumed it was very old and decided to look through it. Of the list of 5 potential grooms I was not one of them. This didn't bother me until I saw that it had last been edited two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 847

You deserved it 4 464

By dimtsis - 29/07/2010 01:24 - Australia

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn't want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 544

You deserved it 4 151

By assassinmaster - 30/06/2018 15:00

Today, I caught a lady attempting to steal a watermelon by putting it in her shirt. When I confronted her, she claimed to be pregnant and threatened to sue me and the store for discriminating against mothers. Nice try, but the watermelon fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 668

You deserved it 242

By lex31 - 14/02/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 020

You deserved it 3 739

By MrRadin - 04/12/2015 05:31 - France

Today, my roommate thought of a new idea for our household. According to him, we should take dumps at work as often as we can, that way, "we'll save on toilet paper at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 310

You deserved it 2 331

By mrtut - 29/10/2010 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 13 083

By Anonymous - 10/02/2014 22:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got into a slight spot of shit with my new boss over his speech. Apparently he was not actually impersonating Sylvester the Cat, and he just has a speech impediment. When I jokingly said "sufferin' succotash" to him, he wasn't pleased at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 615

You deserved it 42 885

By troubled - 04/11/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I had an appointment with a psychotherapist. I was feeling very depressed and was telling her how I felt no one cared about me. Her phone rang and she left me mid-sentence to take a call about her new BMW. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 689

You deserved it 3 736

By take a fucking seat, gran - 14/12/2013 22:05 - United States - Fullerton

Today, my psychotic grandma set fire to our Christmas tree because she refuses to let us celebrate what she calls a twisted pagan holiday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 205

You deserved it 4 017

By Stressmess - 01/12/2009 00:19 - United States

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 149

You deserved it 9 621

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Spicy

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 797

You deserved it 6 479

By Murphs_Law - 16/11/2016 06:37 - United States

Today, my crazy downstairs neighbor was yet again fighting with her boyfriend by slamming every door. When this didn't work, she went downstairs to fight with his grill. She wheeled it to the end of the driveway and pushed it over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 093

You deserved it 791

By hipster glasses - 16/08/2013 11:08 - United States

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 578

You deserved it 3 710

By PizzaPants - 29/02/2016 18:12 - United States - Denver

Today, I dropped a pizza I made. Don't worry though, I caught it between my hands and legs. I no longer have fingerprints on my right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 631

You deserved it 1 998

The Other Woman

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 14:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend’s other girlfriend is pregnant. He doesn’t know that I know. A few days ago he told me that he couldn't have a baby with anyone. She has to be the right one, I guess I wasn’t. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 155

Delusional

By sealpop09 - 30/06/2011 14:36 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a speech about being gay. He said he'll accept me if that's who I truly am, but he wants me to think it over first. I'm an actor in a play. I had to explain the concept of wearing costumes and acting like someone else to him. For the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 991

You deserved it 4 219

By fuck me - 28/11/2013 19:13 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my dad is forcing me to go shopping with him tomorrow for Black Friday, because he's convinced that my martial arts classes will come in handy when people "inevitably" try to beat the shit out of us in the rush for cheap stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 968

You deserved it 3 649

By CDeVeney92 - 17/03/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 3 174

By Anonymous - 26/05/2014 15:53 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 018

You deserved it 7 087

By Anonymous - 31/12/2015 22:33 - United States - Washington Crossing

Spicy

Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 685

You deserved it 7 355

By Jules - 15/09/2017 17:00

Today, the first day of school, I threw up on my teacher in the middle of class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 271

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 033

You deserved it 761

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:42

Man, my dad has been there. Very unpleasant.

loooooooooool_fml 1

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 15:52

Oh god people. The OP was "supposed" to get the promotion, probably the boss told that to the OP, then changed his/hers mind and decided not to. Is it really that hard to figure out?

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:42

Man, my dad has been there. Very unpleasant.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:51

YDI FOR HAVING A JOB! MAKE A REAL LIVING!!!1!!1

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 4:00

They are making a real living? They have a job and earn money. You do what?

HolyBlasphemy 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 5:32

^^^^^ eskimo brothers?

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 22:51

he sits on FML all day reading others pain while his mom calls him for dinner

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 23:34

Precisely. AND I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN ALL OF YOU BITCHES! MUWHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:42

That must have stung quite a bit. FYL indeed. Second! :)

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 15:41

That's when you interview a few people and tell your boss you're the only one qualified.

JulesWinnfield_fml 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 22:35

I agree. YDI for not speaking up about not getting promoted.

EqualycrazyyJen 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:45

wow..... that really sucks. FYL dude..

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:47

I agree with number 7.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:12

I agree with #5

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:13

i don't.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:14

Well than fuck you, with all due respect.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:17

With all due respect, I will.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:20

Pics?

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:27

No thanks, I'll pass.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:30

:( but I'm not a fat 43.5 yr named Bishop who lives in his roomates basement and eats exactly 43.78 oz of cheetos... So why not?

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:33

Oh damn! How can i pass that up?

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:36

Honestly! You'd be crazy to pass up on this hot smokin' bod. My dick stretches from A to Z on the keyboard. Yeah, it's THAT big!

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:39

If only I were gay...

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:40

Trust me, see me and you'll become SUPERGAY!!!

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:42

I'ma have to say no... Sorry.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:43

Dammit...

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:45

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll find someone.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:49

TY. Good luck in finding a straight person.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:51

Thanks.

dirtybird2212 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 5:17

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nk2wViKSh_M

Send a private message

Sunday 15 November 2009 5:48

Depends on if it,s a QWERTY or a DVORAK keyboard.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 2:54

norway represent!

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:02

Perhaps I'm just being ignorant here, but why do you think you deserved that promotion? Either you didn't deserve it (but you think you do), or did you piss someone off up the chain?

fridalovesyou 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:09

That was wierd "I agree with number seven" Yet you're number four.. 0.o...

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:15

I am a god and I see past, present, and future as one entity in a four dimensional world.

spiderman0606 0

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:21

Our world is four dimensional.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:23

*bows down*

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:41

*heals*

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:20

"Supposed to get"? Why do you think it was your entitlement. Your job is convince your leaders that you deserve the promotion. You clearly failed in that task.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 5:10

Norway is wonderful, yet totally socialist.

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:35

when stuff like this happens to me, i like to ask myself what would O.J. do? Then I realize I can't do what O.J. would because I don't have an ex-wife, a go go action bronco, or leather gloves :(

perdix 29

Send a private message

Thursday 12 November 2009 3:37

All I agree with is that your ability to read your boss's mind is #2.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 8

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 1 938

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 847

You deserved it 189