Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML
Today, I spent the morning in the ER with a broken arm. My little brother was in such a rush to get his presents first, that he violently shoved me out of the way on the stairs. FML
Today, while trying to comfort my little brother who just injured his leg, I tripped and sprained my ankle. At least he was amused. FML
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with a broken finger, all because I beat my little brother in a Wii game. He ran over and twisted my finger, saying, "Now how are you going to beat me, cunt?" FML
Today, at school I pulled my bicep muscle arm wrestling. I lost. He was 14. I'm the 23 year old security guard. FML
Today, my boyfriend stole a guy's cookie. As revenge, he stole my iPod. FML
Today, a fight broke out between my 21 year old sister and our 6 year old brother. I tried to intervene, only to end up getting battered to shit in the process. According to my sister, he's going to hell for eating her candy. FML
Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML
Today, my brother ran in, handed me a spatula, and told me to stand still. Barely a second later, our sister came tearing in the house with a fresh, raised welt on her ass cheek in the shape of said spatula, saw me holding said spatula, and kicked my ass up and down the house until I escaped. FML
Today, I was wrestling with my boyfriend when I accidentally kneed him in the chin and chipped his front tooth. I broke his real tooth, as well as the fake part from when he chipped it ten years ago. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
You, sir, are a wimp. I'm not sure you are ready for solid food -- ask Momma to pop out her titty for you.
remy3106 10
u must have really wanted that cookie?!
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Comments (134)
torx523 4
At least what kind of cookie was it?
pinky94 5
Never bite off more than you can chew.. As in never fight someone younger than you for something that delicious
AG415LINK 2
You gotta go for the balls or throat . take em down like a sack of potatoes.
01sparkly 15
You deserve it! Just let him have the stupid cookie. You are 26, he is 14. You sound immature. I'm younger and sound more mature than you. People actually told me I sound more mature
chris_a7x 11
Ha! Pussy
Sarow_96 13
hahahahahaa i fought with my sis once over mutabal *baked eggplants mashed with yogurt i suppose* and sadly she smacked the door at my eyes.... i ended up with a swollen face and a black eye
Sonotsuave 37
i can proudly say ive never fought for food...and i have three older brothers bitch shows em whos bosssss
thegrealtdalton 9
I've dislocated my shoulder twice, there's not a cooking in the world that's worth it
nins22 7
You need to act your age
HarleyQuinn1293 13
At your age you should have just let him have it! You have a job I'd hope so go but yourself some god damn cookies!