Today, I hinted at getting it on towards my wife (it's been 2 weeks since we last did). She answered with "no I'm to tired", within 2 minutes she said, "I'm gonna go use the treadmill". She got all hot and sweaty for about 30 minutes, but it was with the treadmill. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML
Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML
Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML
Today, I felt like going to the gym. I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come with me. She screamed at me for supposedly implying that she's fat. No, I just wanted to go to the gym with someone. FML
Today, I was feeling really good about going to the gym for the first time. That was until I got so worn out from my “warm up” on the treadmill that I had to go home and spew. FML
Today, a girl I met recently asked if I wanted to go jogging with her, and I excitedly agreed. A while into our run, I ran out of breath and doubled over panting, all while she kept jogging and slowly disappeared down the street. What a way to spend time together. FML
Today, I went to the gym for the first time in quite a while. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I realized I'd been on the elliptical machine for twenty minutes without having actually turned it on. I was just moving the pedals and wondering why I wasn’t getting tired. FML
Today, I spent the day busting my butt to clean the house. As I tumbled into bed at the end of the day, exhausted, my wife looked at me and said, "Maybe you can get something done tomorrow?" FML
Today, I began to undress my wife, who was watching TV, and gave her a massage to relax her while she watched her soap. 20 minutes later, when the programme came to an end, she said "I wish you'd let me watch TV in peace!". FML
Today, after the longest time, I went to the gym. I ran and ran and ran on the treadmill for an eternity, beating myself up for getting so overweight. Then I tripped and fell off, sweating and sobbing for being so useless. When I looked up, I saw I'd been on the machine for barely 2 minutes. FML
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Top comments
powerade 0
I suppose talking to her about the problem is no doubt out of the question?
hydronium 0
Not everyone feels like having sex all of the time...sheesh.
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Comments (155)
choppedNskrewed 0
chopped and skrewed! (yay! there hasn't been a good enough story about rejection recently to justify that statement, but now that there is I feel so much better...the best one was the FML about the girl who was changing in the victoria's secret changing room and told her boyfriend he could stay if he gave her gum, but he said that he wouldn't because he only had 3 pieces left)
Drode 0
Ok I think some people are missing the point of this FML. When he wanted sex, his wife said she was tired. Then right after saying that, went on the treadmill for 30 min.
upandb 0
you shouldn't have to "excite" her. If she doesnt want to have sex with you but used to, then she is getting it from somewhere else. Be careful
liveitlearnit 0
She probably wants to have sex with someone who knows the difference between to, two and too.
Bilbo_Swaggins 5
Why the downvotes? Its true.
TenebrionHZ 5
Does the word "wife" mean anything to you people? Also, not everyone's first language is English.
Truan_fml 0
An obvious sign of 'here's a lesson for you' Rather than hint at it, or say it, do stuff to make her want it. I mean you're married to her. You should have some idea of what turns her on, be it massage, rubbing, beating the shit out of her, etc.
Ohnoitslindsay 0
This is one of the lamest FMLs ever. Your wife wasn't in the mood. Get the hell over it. And learn how to speak proper English.
ditlihi 0
Been there, done that, dude. Time to look around for that little bit on the side.
dogfood_fml 3
She's not feeling well about her body shape and feels embarassed to show her body to you. Tell her that she's beautiful and that you love her. Chose your words carefully, don't use the words "there's nothing wrong with the way you look" or crap like that. Keep it simple, don't act like you noticed that she's out of shape or thinks she is. Or YOU could use the treadmill more often
samannham 0
So you're complaining cuz she wouldn't have sex with you but she'd work out.... wow you're a sleezy dude. Take a chill pill...some people got ladies who don't work out!!!
plethora 3
#16: His grammar and punctuation ARE terrible.