Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML
Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML
Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML
Today, for my mom's birthday, I couldn't figure out what to get her, so I just took some of her jewelry, wrapped it up, and re-gifted it. She recognized it instantly. FML
Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML
Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML
Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML
Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML
Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML
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Top comments
PlaiPie 11
The moral of this story is: Never buy gifts for people
Sir_ND_Pity 35
You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.
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Comments (218)
Cleao18317 11
Sell your weed and use the money. Then you won't have to stash it and lie.
Chanti_fml 26
Yeah, instead of a user you should become a dealer, that's way better! Just toss it! That shit will mess you up if you're doing it frequently.
blobster5 4
uhhh no it won't. I used every day and made good enough grades to get into lawschool.
blobster5 4
Just to clarify, on average i smoked three times a day. I Studied high, went to class high, took most of my tests high, and the law school is tier one.
maz95 17
Be grateful she didn't discover what was actually in the bag.
maz95 17
Be grateful she didn't discover what was actually in the bag.
Enslaved 38
Woohoo! My drug dealer went to Jared!
jetsown08 21
Out of the frying pan and into the fire...
Jjgibbs 5
Jets are doing pretty good right?
maddietheninja 6
Don't do illegal drugs moron
gmian 34
I'm pretty sure pot is legal in Belgium.
the_smart_way 10
It is legal in quite a few places actually
robo_thunder 13
It's legal here in Washington!
PrincessPesa 20
Don't tell me what to do, Spongebob Squarepants! Go suck some seaweed. Oh yeah, and it's legal-ish here in California blah blah blah.
boundbytheanimus 9
Legal in Colorado.
HarroIAmBob 21
@26 pot is, legal in belgium, not a hard drug, and non addictive and safer than cigarettes
bleachfreeblonde 6
Oh you poor soul. Now you have to spend your money on something nice for someone you love, rather than your own personal drug use. What a shame.
dwc2134 5
Actually, yeah, it is. It's the OPs own money, they should be free to spend it on whatever they please.
bleachfreeblonde 6
I understand that. I'm just not very sympathetic to those who spend their money on illegal things.
FMLKitten 15
48) How do we know weed is illegal in OPs country?
bleachfreeblonde 6
54] I suppose I don't, I realize OP could have just been hiding it from her family. However, legal or not I don't support it's use and my initial point remains.
sukiboo 3
So do you support the consumption of medication such as Adderall, or Ritalyn? Or pain medications like Vicodin or Methadone? I respect each individuals right to choose what he or she puts in their bodies. Non-supporters of medicinal Canabis seem to have the misconception that patients who opt to access this option are lazy, brain dead, uneducated and "druggies". I have a college education, successful career that pays very well. I am a mother and a wife with a husband that has had to be apart from us due to military service for 22 of last 24 months thus casting me as role of mom and dad, husband and wife, housekeeper, landscaper, chef, maintenance etc... 9 months ago after terrible reactions to meds legal to treat my symptoms prescribed by physicians , after much research and thought I choose to try medicinal MJ. To this day I credit this drug with bringing me back from a very dark place and able to be there for my son in a positive, more loving way than I had bee on the " legal" pills these doctors were killing me with. So if I may inquire: Why the negativity over this drug?
t0xicred 8
Since she didn't open the bag, she doesn't have to know that the "present" inside was from that jewelry store. I hide presents in different types of bags to keep my brothers thinking I bough them a crappy present from Michael's when I really bought them video games.
winfieldALJD 6
And it's good if you do it like that from crappy gift to surprising amazing gift, but to go from amazing gift to whatever he could conjure would be doghouse for sure.
kevsandy303 12
See, you couldn't weedle your way out of this one. Looks like your plan has gone up in smoke!
jaylaufers 13
..Or just give her the weed.