Miscellaneous: Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery...

By junkie - 18/12/2012 18:28 - Belgium - Antwerp

Today, I hid my weed stash in a bag from an expensive jewellery store. My sister walked into my room, went "Ooh, what's this?" and grabbed the bag. I grabbed it back and ad-libbed that it was her Christmas gift. Now I actually have to buy her expensive jewellery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 127

You deserved it 64 362

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Same thing different taste

By lehonX9 - 06/06/2015 09:11 - Germany - Hanover

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 789

You deserved it 9 717

By karmaquestionmark - 20/11/2012 02:04 - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 124

You deserved it 36 896

By Pissed.Off.Mom. - 06/10/2016 05:14 - United States - Houston

Today, I got a call informing me that my 16-year-old daughter had been arrested for shoplifting jewellery. Trying to look on the bright side, I assumed it was for my birthday that is coming up in a few days. Nope. It was a "Thank you" gift. For her drug dealer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 251

You deserved it 2 541

Where is it?

By beezybees - 20/02/2010 01:54 - United States

Today, I lost the beautiful necklace my boyfriend gave me for Valentine's day. I looked everywhere, and couldn't find it. My sister held the bag while I dug through the stinking trash, then after I cleaned everything up, took it out of her pocket and said she was pretending it was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 475

You deserved it 2 874

Who do you take me for?

By pandaboo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 786

You deserved it 3 874

The cheek!

By Anonymous - 01/06/2014 16:36 - Germany - Ammerndorf

Today, my daughter used her spare key to get into my house while I was at work, then took and pawned off all of my jewelry. She only confessed when I confronted her with video camera footage. Her defense was that I told her I'd leave her everything in my will. Honey, I'm not dead yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 977

You deserved it 5 292

Lock him up

By Homelesssoon - 07/10/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 179

You deserved it 3 855

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 106

You deserved it 3 103

By Ambar - 15/02/2010 17:02 - Canada

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 740

You deserved it 2 755

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 114

You deserved it 34 687

PlaiPie 11

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:06

The moral of this story is: Never buy gifts for people

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:08

You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.

Comments

PrincessPesa 20

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:08

Maybe you should have given her a bag of those special "green jewels" and help her forget all about the Christmas present thing. Bye bye brain cells!

The_F3rris 11

Wednesday 19 December 2012 21:55

It doesn't kill brain cells.

TheRealBruce 12

Saturday 20 April 2013 23:24

That statement is based on a very old, biased study, and that has never been proven true, not without many attempts.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:09

You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:15

Oops, sorry for the repeat, guys!

maz95 17

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:09

Be grateful she didn't discover what was actually in the bag.

bobbington9298 10

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:09

When I saw "I hid my weed stash" I had a magic feeling that it would be a YDI

KiddNYC1O 20

Wednesday 19 December 2012 4:28

Shroom magic?

bobbington9298 10

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:10

When I saw "I hid my weed stash" I had a magic feeling that it would be a YDI

Cbizzlez 10

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:10

The lesson here is don't hide your weed in things people would be curious enough to open

PlaiPie 11

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:10

The moral of this story is: Never buy gifts for people Edit: Sorry for the double post

MrFuckingFrazier 3

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:11

Did you forget to hide the bag? Of course you did..

Sir_ND_Pity 35

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:11

You must have been high on something to think that that would work out. ...wait.

MrFuckingFrazier 3

Wednesday 19 December 2012 0:11

Did you forget to hide the bag? Of course you did..

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Today, I was hugging my girlfriend after she had a really bad day at work, when she burst into tears and started sobbing. For some reason that I'll never understand, it gave me a hard-on. She felt it, and now she thinks I'm a sick bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 181

You deserved it 7 311

Today, I’m coming to accept that my wife’s relationship with her phone and her social media is deeper and more intimate than it will ever be with me. I can’t afford to leave her, her sister's a lawyer, she’ll take everything I still love in the divorce. I hate my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 114

The Top

Today, my fiancée's OCD hit a new low when she screamed at me for flicking the light-switch off "the wrong way". This led to her flicking it on and off about a dozen times, followed by a twenty-minute lecture on how to do it "properly". We're getting married next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 131

You deserved it 9 047

Today, my idiot boyfriend, who thinks he's an outdoorsman, made sauce from mushrooms he'd foraged. I refused to eat it. He got upset and had two helpings. He's now in bed, whining about how bad he feels. Stupid dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 167

Today, I found out I need to have emergency surgery, which is extremely convenient considering I'm literally supposed to be moving out of state in 2 days and my whole house is completely packed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 159

You deserved it 129

Today, my boyfriend of almost five years told me, due to health issues, he can't move in with me or propose to me. He knows I support him, but if it was a serious health issue, wouldn't he want to be married, knowing I'm there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 173

Today, my house is suffering from an infestation of these tiny black beetles. After brushing my teeth tonight, I was rinsing out my toothbrush when I found that one of the beetles had curled up to die between the bristles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 987

You deserved it 4 029

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 077

You deserved it 9 579

Same thing different taste

Where is it?

Who do you take me for?

The cheek!

Lock him up

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