Miscellaneous: Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice....

By HorcruxDelight73 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25288

You deserved it

10660

Favorite

HorcruxDelight73 tells us more :

This was actually my FML, everyone. No, it wasn't a pedophile, THANK GOD. It was a couple, and they said "Umm...can we help you?" and I was like, "Sorry! I thought you were my friends!" Then got out awkwardly. They had the same car. It wasn't my fault.

Miscellaneous

BO Central

They're everywhere

Public transport FTW

By insomnia - United States

Today, I was at work handling the cash register. It wasn't working correctly, so I apologized to the woman I was waiting on for the delay and explained, "The cash register's being a little retarded today." Then I noticed her clearly "special" adult son standing behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15205

You deserved it

68798

Favorite

By stupidprankster - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny to scare my dad for once, since he has scared me for fun dozens of times. It would have been funny, had he not punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26395

You deserved it

7438

Favorite

By devinchi - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

I agree, your life sucks

33211

You deserved it

8169

Favorite

By breyn - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35453

You deserved it

2419

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50207

You deserved it

3205

Favorite

By mastermind

Today, in an attempt to keep a conversation flowing, I panicked and asked a man what country he was from in response to him telling me he was Brazilian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2259

You deserved it

667

Favorite

By Clauric

Today, I found out my 35 year-old brother got divorced 18 months ago when my now ex-sister-in-law told me via Facebook messenger, and asked me to tell my parents, as both of them were too scared to do it themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12152

You deserved it

872

Favorite

By pervert - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10484

You deserved it

28590

Favorite

By shittyhall

Today, someone shat liquid poo in the hallway at work. Right. Outside. The bathroom. Another foot and they could have used a toilet instead of the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4208

You deserved it

330

Favorite

By uvagirl - United States

Today, I came back to my apartment after moving most of my stuff out. Upon returning, I learned that my now ex-roommate drank all of my alcohol and threw away my things, thinking that I had forgotten them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41150

You deserved it

3815

Favorite

By Yo mom - United States

Today, I was screaming at my neighbor to shut his dog up. After 30 minutes of bellowing, he yelled back that it was my dog that was barking. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8662

You deserved it

54878

Favorite

By baby shak - United States

Today, I was planning to start my fitness regime and lose weight, using the bike that had been lying unused in my garden for the past six months. Tonight, the bike was stolen from my garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25688

You deserved it

6257

Favorite

By steph - China

Today, I found a note on the front door of my flat saying, "You left your keys in your garage door so I put them in your letter box". Guess where my letter box key is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27882

You deserved it

6632

Favorite

By robotchickens - United States

Today, while on the bus, an old man told me about all the many things he wanted to do with my various orifices. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26014

You deserved it

2684

Favorite

By hunting7waves - United States - Des Moines

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years told me he had a surprise for me at midnight. I stayed up all night, not hearing from him. Finally I get a notification. Apparently, my midnight surprise is that I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29604

You deserved it

1873

Favorite

By hapless - United Kingdom

Today, I was late for work and took a taxi. The driver told me he tried to commit suicide recently. I listened to him for 20 minutes, sat outside my workplace with the meter off. He charged me £5.80 and my boss gave me a warning for being late. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23182

You deserved it

3391

Favorite

By sorrygranny - United States

Today, I was at the gas station with my grandma. After I slid her card and began to pump, I convinced her that it was a lot easier and more convenient to pay at the pump with your credit card instead of paying inside. She yelled as I realized I went $20 over what she had to spend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9072

You deserved it

41233

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I walked into work on time, went into my office, sat down and turned on the computer. After working for about 4 hours, my wife called and told me to look at the clock on my computer. I put it off until after lunch, when I realized today is Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1549

You deserved it

1231

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24451

You deserved it

2302

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Detroit

Today, I finally started my first job. I also lost it, for being too "enthusiastic" and making my fellow employees look lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15011

You deserved it

939

Favorite

By killercow - United States

Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30165

You deserved it

22929

Favorite

By junior - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend, thinking we were alone in the house. Her little brother found us having sex on the couch, took a pic and said, "You are now both my slaves." He ran upstairs and locked his bedroom door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20210

You deserved it

46244

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I looked through my girlfriend's phone book and saw two entries with my name. One had "(cute)" attached to it. I checked to see if it was my number. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44386

You deserved it

5374

Favorite

By Anomaly - United States - Trenton

Today, I saw a person in my class completing a project that was due two periods later and that they had just started in the bathroom. They got a better grade than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31243

You deserved it

4795

Favorite

By Noname - United States

Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10603

You deserved it

57351

Favorite

By PissOffPottermore - United States - Oak Lawn

Today, I was called into my son's school because he had got into a fist-fight with another pupil and I had to take him home. He clammed up about the reason behind the fight, until I finally managed to coax it out of him: the other kid is in "Hufflepuff" and he's in "Ravenclaw." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29084

You deserved it

4481

Favorite

By nubbins - Canada

Today, I got a message from my ex saying how sorry he was for everything he did. He also said that if he wasn't getting married and having a kid we could still be together. We broke up a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28802

You deserved it

2662

Favorite

By PatientInWaiting - United States

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23139

You deserved it

2464

Favorite

By immovingout - United States - Huntington Station

Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57042

You deserved it

4724

Favorite

By Keith walk - United States

Today, my girlfriend's parents walked in on us having sex. Not only did her dad make me walk out to my truck with no clothes on, he is my baseball coach and I will be seeing him on Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38162

You deserved it

22799

Favorite

By navyma - Korea Republic of

Today, I went to the orthodontist to have my braces worked on. I accidentally swallowed some of the cleaning solution she used. She told me it would probably give me an upset stomach. Apparently, an upset stomach and crapping your pants means the same thing to an orthodontist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39689

You deserved it

4275

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43646

You deserved it

3435

Favorite

By Lika1712 - India - Mumbai

Today, while at the bakery, I stood there trying to pick between black forest and dark chocolate. The salesman said kindly, "I've heard dark chocolate helps you lose weight. Yeah, you'd definitely want dark chocolate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37841

You deserved it

4622

Favorite

By amore89

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1773

You deserved it

219

Favorite

By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, I found out that people can get ringworm from cats. I found out because I have ringworm. I don't have a cat. Then I remembered I helped a friend move about two weeks ago, and spent the night sharing a bed with her cat. That's the last time I ever help her move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26846

You deserved it

4077

Favorite

By Moon_Glade

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3893

You deserved it

341

Favorite

By synn - Singapore

Today, I went for a job briefing, and after that was told to do some editing for them. When I asked the person whether I was paid for the day, she laughed and said no. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23474

You deserved it

3080

Favorite

By bob the builder - United States - Ridgeland

Today, I'm at work on a construction site for a high rise building, on the 12th floor today. I've developed a severe case of the runs, causing me to need to rush to the nearest toilet periodically. Luckily for me it's conveniently located on the ground floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24294

You deserved it

1722

Favorite

By morning_glory - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss expected me to corroborate her lie to a customer. She changed her story suddenly and I got caught up in the crosshairs. Then she got mad at me for not understanding what just happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25751

You deserved it

2233

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bethany

Today, I started my first overnight shift at the penitentiary. This was also the night the offenders decided to riot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3269

You deserved it

213

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By KnightAngela1109 | 10

#4486926 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Look on the bright side....... You just mad some NEW FRIENDS:)YAY!!!

By ICastillo | 24

#4486928 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Dear diary..... Jack pot. Your lucky it wasn't the pedo bear.

COMMENTS

By MGSPOP | 1

#4486921 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Unless OP's friends car and strangers car are relatively the same, I think this is fake.

By KnightAngela1109 | 10

#4486926 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Look on the bright side....... You just mad some NEW FRIENDS:)YAY!!!

KairoFallin | 0

#4486979 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

Made*

KnightAngela1109 | 10

#4486987 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:48

^oh butterfingers....Thanks for correcting me though.

KairoFallin | 0

#4486997 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:50

Hah it's fine, I just felt like being a grammar nazi for once in my life. :P

FMLshark | 12

#4487073 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:16

Spelling =/= Grammar.
Sorry to burst your bubble, but you have yet to be a grammar nazi.

iStrukk | 7

#4487813 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:05

16- You are probably the dumbest person I have ever met if you think you are a "grammar" nazi for correcting a spelling error. Learn gooder English, Mmmkay?

MrLibya | 2

#4487913 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:22

72, Learn better English* sick! I'm now a grammar nazi! Hitler! Here I come,

MrLibya | 2

#4487931 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:26

Sorry I meant a period not a comma at the end :( I'm no grammar nazi....

DrBlack | 9

#4488205 - Sunday 27 May 2012 17:39

Dude I really hope you were taking the piss when you wrote 'gooder'.

kittenvks | 11

#4489250 - Sunday 27 May 2012 23:06

It's sarcasm people, do you seriously not realize that??

By ICastillo | 24

#4486928 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Dear diary..... Jack pot. Your lucky it wasn't the pedo bear.

drarmstrong | 8

#4487040 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:09

Want some candy? I've got some in my van.

lolfood | 24

#4487144 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:00

You're*

ICastillo | 24

#4487148 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:02

Yeah yeah whatever man it happens.

Chad_the_Brony | 0

#4487186 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:40

It's not *the* Pedo Bear, it's just Pedo Bear. You ain't going to find another bear more Pedo than Pedo bear.

TwitchingNebula | 17

#4487257 - Sunday 27 May 2012 11:34

46, that's exactly why it is THE pedo bear...

ChrisTheCalm | 9

#4487946 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:29

Why you speak of his name so much? He must not be named.

TheAngryKitten | 0

#4488457 - Sunday 27 May 2012 18:40

Pedobear, pedobear, pedobear. *Poof* "IIIIIIIIIIIIIII I I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD~"

Infamous_Hawk | 6

#4497684 - Wednesday 30 May 2012 3:58

That awkward moment when there is no candy in the van...

By GemmaStyles | 14

#4486930 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Hah let's hope it wasn't a pedophile, dear x

stalkerstatus101 | 5

#4486953 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:44

If it was s/he wouldnt be writing this FML

TarieBoo | 2

#4487051 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:11

pedo bear

downtime | 12

#4487230 - Sunday 27 May 2012 11:04

...Uh...where does it say she's a child? Paedophiles aren't really a risk to anyone but children.

8KAGE8 | 8

#4493443 - Tuesday 29 May 2012 3:48

Not entirely true

By I_Punch_Babies | 7

#4486932 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

all cars look the same because they all have wheels :-

fylx100 | 19

#4487127 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:53

I thumbed you down for your username.

I_Punch_Babies | 7

#4487132 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:58

thats okay. i thumbed you down cuz you have no sense of humor.

SitOnMyLapNiece | 1

#4487138 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:00

i did the same to 36.

MineIsBigger | 5

#4487146 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:01

me too. anyone who thumbs someone down for their username is just a lame ass.

ICastillo | 24

#4487158 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:09

I thumbed 36 down because who doesn't punch babies?!?

Kenzington1996 | 1

#4487184 - Sunday 27 May 2012 10:40

Haha I like the name.

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4487228 - Sunday 27 May 2012 11:03

39- Punched or thumbed down? Please say punched...

SitOnMyLapNiece | 1

#4487273 - Sunday 27 May 2012 11:40

i thumbed 36 down AND punched him.

ChrisTheCalm | 9

#4487958 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:30

What's the humor in punching harmless infants? You grew up harshly, didn't you?

KiddNYC1O | 20

#4488359 - Sunday 27 May 2012 18:15

You're too calm, Chris.

pokefan813 | 16

#4488401 - Sunday 27 May 2012 18:26

77 - Dude lighten up, not everything is to be taken seriously.

Quidikic | 9

#4488432 - Sunday 27 May 2012 18:32

I punched 36 because I like punching babies.

*buh dum tssh*

grime | 4

#4489421 - Monday 28 May 2012 0:21

I don't sucker punch, I punch suckers.

rockerlove2013 | 6

#4490070 - Monday 28 May 2012 4:05

I thumbed u down cause ur stupid maybe s/he needed a name and was mad at the world so they used tht name im sure tht person does not punch babies #36

trollfaced | 2

#4490606 - Monday 28 May 2012 8:25

109 - I thumbed you down because you killed the combo

trollcrusher | 17

#4497830 - Wednesday 30 May 2012 5:00

"Ur stupid"? Oh, the irony. However, I agree with what you tried to say... If I understood it the way you meant it.

Kitten_love | 22

#6219374 - Monday 2 March 2015 21:17

Falcon punch!

By ChrisG93 | 8

#4486948 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:43

So who broke the awkward silence? You or the other person?

By NomNomMuffin | 5

#4486950 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:44

That's always awkward

xoconnie | 8

#4487673 - Sunday 27 May 2012 15:23

^ you say that as if you jump into random cars on a daily basis. you scare me.

ChrisTheCalm | 9

#4487965 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:32

She scares you? If I could have random girls jump into my car I'd be ecstatic (:

Il_Maestro | 6

#4488430 - Sunday 27 May 2012 18:31

Nah, it's not awkward when I'm trying to jump into random cars and it's accidentally someone I know.

By LadyGore | 12

#4486969 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:45

Pretend its completely normal and demand they take you to McDonalds

NoisyNykkii | 10

#4487026 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:02

McDonalds? I'd demand they take me to Six Flags! If I'm gonna hitchhike, I might as well make it good!

kegande | 0

#4487034 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:05

And I want a happy meal with the cool toy! And can we stay so I can play for a while?

Mischief109 | 11

#4488047 - Sunday 27 May 2012 16:59

When in doubt, yell "why are we just sitting here?!?!?! GO GO GO!!!" I've done that to my brother-in-law and it freaked him out so he sped off :P

By GotBrains | 0

#4486976 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

"so your not my personal driver..? Hmm wierd.."

garrr | 0

#4487101 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:31

Weird*

Bekll | 30

#4487103 - Sunday 27 May 2012 9:37

33, you missed one: You're*

GotBrains | 0

#4487431 - Sunday 27 May 2012 13:18

Grammar Nazi, are you? Come at me bro!

98rocky | 0

#4490516 - Monday 28 May 2012 7:12

Nice.

By CaptNomNom | 17

#4486981 - Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

Wow. Just wow.