Miscellaneous: Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice....

26/05/2012 23:00 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my friends were coming to pick me up from volleyball practice. When their car pulled up, I jumped in. It was really quiet, so I looked up, only to find I had gotten in the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 298

You deserved it 10 665

HorcruxDelight73 tells us more.

HorcruxDelight73 3

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:55

This was actually my FML, everyone. No, it wasn't a pedophile, THANK GOD. It was a couple, and they said "Umm...can we help you?" and I was like, "Sorry! I thought you were my friends!" Then got out awkwardly. They had the same car. It wasn't my fault.

Miscellaneous

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Ungeeked

Men and their balls

06/09/2018 03:30

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 148

11/09/2013 13:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 069

You deserved it 82 454

20/01/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 753

You deserved it 1 910

07/02/2015 05:13 - United States - Astoria

Today, my mom called me an attention seeker and threw a bitch fit because my cat "decided" to die on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 690

You deserved it 2 513

26/04/2019 16:00

Today, I have to reschedule the vacation I had planned for eight months because I have the flu, and feel too sick to go and enjoy myself at a waterpark. This vacation is the only thing that's kept me sane these last two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 206

30/12/2014 09:57 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, I got a call from my roommate's mother, asking me to hide her flip flops so she couldn't wear them out in sub-zero temperatures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 081

You deserved it 2 964

11/03/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 146

You deserved it 180

Support

By CallmeTokey - 12/07/2016 03:21

Today, as I was laying on the bottom part of my bunk bed, I noticed a beam on the underside of the top bunk that seemed to have no place being there, so I tried to find out what it was. I soon discovered it was to support the bed after it promptly collapsed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 626

You deserved it 15 232

03/09/2012 23:43 - United States - Saukville

Today, a woman came up to me at work and screamed at me for "taking forever" to come and wait at her table. I work at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 254

You deserved it 1 936

11/03/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 190

You deserved it 26 332

03/03/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me what I enjoyed most about the weekend we'd spent together. I mention in detail a certain move he had pulled when we made love. When asked what he enjoyed most, he replies "putting my fish tank together". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 537

You deserved it 6 093

02/10/2015 05:49 - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 487

You deserved it 29 893

Too late

By BlueSteele220 - 29/07/2020 17:01

Today, someone stole a package off my doorstep. Too bad, it was the video doorbell to prevent my packages from being stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 100

11/03/2018 01:30

Today, my manager cussed me out for being unable to keep a customer happy. That "customer" was a senile old twit who had wandered away from his carer, thought our shop was his living room, and demanded to know who replaced all his furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 322

You deserved it 372

01/09/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I was at the mall in a store looking at movie posters. I turned around and suddenly saw a creepy guy smiling at me, holding his arms out wide. I screamed "holy shit!" really loudly, causing everyone to stop and stare at me funny. Then I realized the creepy man was a cardboard cutout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 710

You deserved it 45 204

23/02/2019 04:00

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 160

You deserved it 144

04/11/2016 02:46 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 757

You deserved it 2 501

Abalaschabalamanama

By help meeeee - 14/03/2021 17:01

Today, and ever since we watched a documentary about televangelists scamming people, my boyfriend randomly imitates them speaking "in tongues" because he knows it freaks me out. He's really good at it as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 721

You deserved it 141

15/12/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 518

You deserved it 3 098

01/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 649

You deserved it 39 251

04/09/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, I went out to my car to run some errands. It wouldn't start. I called AAA, only to find out my battery wasn't dead, it was stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 916

You deserved it 2 854

Nice view

By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 767

You deserved it 2 734

17/11/2015 10:20 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my friend was complaining about about her new boyfriend. Playing around, I told her that he sounded a lot like my ex. He is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 609

You deserved it 2 325

31/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year-old looked at me and stated, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 310

You deserved it 11 431

12/05/2012 20:48 - United States

Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 251

You deserved it 3 406

08/06/2016 02:09 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother goes, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" and my mom says "I'm a headmaster", and my dad goes, "Oh yeah she is." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 117

You deserved it 2 295

18/11/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, my water wouldn't go down my shower drain. Confused, I stuck a metal stick expecting hair, but instead stabbed and pulled up a rat that was dead in my drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 886

You deserved it 2 453

10/01/2012 14:50 - Germany

Today, I fell asleep in class. I'm the teacher; I've already given students detention for falling asleep in class this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 819

You deserved it 42 720

09/08/2011 03:43 - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 332

You deserved it 7 339

04/05/2014 23:28 - United States - Madison

Today, I was at the bar. A man started to hit on me. He claims to have a fetish for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 699

You deserved it 5 990

12/08/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I went with my girlfriend to her parents' house. They told me I smelled of cheap vodka. When I told them I worked in a bio lab and used ethanol a lot, they said I was too stupid to do anything like that. My girlfriend broke up with me because her parents think I'm a drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 779

You deserved it 3 400

06/06/2013 23:37 - United States

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 816

You deserved it 4 732

30/07/2011 12:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I was really excited because the girl I'd liked since freshman year asked me out. She came to my house and my mom decided to show her baby pictures of me with tampons up my nose because I'd had a nose bleed. Even worse, there was one picture of me when I was 15 doing the same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 875

You deserved it 9 861

12/01/2010 04:03 - France

Today, I was nervous as hell for my driving test. The instructor told me to drive a straight line in reverse. I forgot to put the car in reverse from drive and drove straight into a parked vehicle. Which happened to be owned by the instructor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 999

You deserved it 28 776

17/11/2008 08:53 - France

Today, my 10-year-old brother won the poem contest at his school. Since then he won’t stop bugging me with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 526

You deserved it 8 260

28/01/2009 23:02 - United States

Today, the girl who I have had a crush on for 2 years snuck up from behind me and gave me a hug. I farted very loud at the same exact time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 773

You deserved it 5 133

26/09/2015 01:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I walked into my room and watched as my fanatically religious mother sniffed the used tissues in my trash bin to make sure I wasn't masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 433

You deserved it 2 224

19/12/2018 22:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, thanks to a side effect from my medication I'm suffering the longest mild panic attack I've ever had. I'm on day 2 and it shows no sign of letting up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 471

You deserved it 181

14/03/2012 02:32 - United States

Today, I got back to work at my hospital after some sick leave. The first jackass to waste my time was a guy with leg lacerations. This, he claimed, was because he tried to break a samurai sword over his leg as part of a bet. It's day one and already I want to kill myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 466

You deserved it 6 442

04/09/2012 15:09 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 128

You deserved it 9 371

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Top comments

KnightAngela1109 10

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Look on the bright side....... You just mad some NEW FRIENDS:)YAY!!!

ICastillo 24

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Dear diary..... Jack pot. Your lucky it wasn't the pedo bear.

MGSPOP 1

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Unless OP's friends car and strangers car are relatively the same, I think this is fake.

KnightAngela1109 10

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:41

Look on the bright side....... You just mad some NEW FRIENDS:)YAY!!!

KairoFallin 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

Made*

KnightAngela1109 10

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:48

^oh butterfingers....Thanks for correcting me though.

KairoFallin 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:50

Hah it's fine, I just felt like being a grammar nazi for once in my life. :P

FMLshark 12

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:16

Spelling =/= Grammar. Sorry to burst your bubble, but you have yet to be a grammar nazi.

iStrukk 7

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:05

16- You are probably the dumbest person I have ever met if you think you are a "grammar" nazi for correcting a spelling error. Learn gooder English, Mmmkay?

MrLibya 2

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:22

72, Learn better English* sick! I'm now a grammar nazi! Hitler! Here I come,

MrLibya 2

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:26

Sorry I meant a period not a comma at the end :( I'm no grammar nazi....

DrBlack 9

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Sunday 27 May 2012 17:39

Dude I really hope you were taking the piss when you wrote 'gooder'.

kittenvks 11

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Sunday 27 May 2012 23:06

It's sarcasm people, do you seriously not realize that??

ICastillo 24

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Dear diary..... Jack pot. Your lucky it wasn't the pedo bear.

drarmstrong 8

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:09

Want some candy? I've got some in my van.

lolfood 24

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:00

You're*

ICastillo 24

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:02

Yeah yeah whatever man it happens.

Chad_the_Brony 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:40

It's not *the* Pedo Bear, it's just Pedo Bear. You ain't going to find another bear more Pedo than Pedo bear.

TwitchingNebula 17

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Sunday 27 May 2012 11:34

46, that's exactly why it is THE pedo bear...

ChrisTheCalm 9

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:29

Why you speak of his name so much? He must not be named.

TheAngryKitten 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 18:40

Pedobear, pedobear, pedobear. *Poof* "IIIIIIIIIIIIIII I I LOVE LITTLE GIRLS THEY MAKE ME FEEL SO GOOD~"

Infamous_Hawk 6

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 3:58

That awkward moment when there is no candy in the van...

GemmaStyles 14

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

Hah let's hope it wasn't a pedophile, dear x

stalkerstatus101 5

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:44

If it was s/he wouldnt be writing this FML

TarieBoo 2

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:11

pedo bear

downtime 12

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Sunday 27 May 2012 11:04

...Uh...where does it say she's a child? Paedophiles aren't really a risk to anyone but children.

8KAGE8 8

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Tuesday 29 May 2012 3:48

Not entirely true

I_Punch_Babies 7

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:42

all cars look the same because they all have wheels :-

fylx100 19

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:53

I thumbed you down for your username.

I_Punch_Babies 7

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:58

thats okay. i thumbed you down cuz you have no sense of humor.

SitOnMyLapNiece 1

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:00

i did the same to 36.

MineIsBigger 5

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:01

me too. anyone who thumbs someone down for their username is just a lame ass.

ICastillo 24

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:09

I thumbed 36 down because who doesn't punch babies?!?

Kenzington1996 1

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Sunday 27 May 2012 10:40

Haha I like the name.

KiddNYC1O 20

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Sunday 27 May 2012 11:03

39- Punched or thumbed down? Please say punched...

SitOnMyLapNiece 1

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Sunday 27 May 2012 11:40

i thumbed 36 down AND punched him.

ChrisTheCalm 9

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:30

What's the humor in punching harmless infants? You grew up harshly, didn't you?

KiddNYC1O 20

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Sunday 27 May 2012 18:15

You're too calm, Chris.

pokefan813 16

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Sunday 27 May 2012 18:26

77 - Dude lighten up, not everything is to be taken seriously.

Quidikic 9

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Sunday 27 May 2012 18:32

I punched 36 because I like punching babies. *buh dum tssh*

grime 4

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Monday 28 May 2012 0:21

I don't sucker punch, I punch suckers.

rockerlove2013 6

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Monday 28 May 2012 4:05

I thumbed u down cause ur stupid maybe s/he needed a name and was mad at the world so they used tht name im sure tht person does not punch babies #36

trollfaced 2

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Monday 28 May 2012 8:25

109 - I thumbed you down because you killed the combo

trollcrusher 17

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Wednesday 30 May 2012 5:00

"Ur stupid"? Oh, the irony. However, I agree with what you tried to say... If I understood it the way you meant it.

Kitten_love 22

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Monday 2 March 2015 21:17

Falcon punch!

ChrisG93 8

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:43

So who broke the awkward silence? You or the other person?

NomNomMuffin 5

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:44

That's always awkward

xoconnie 8

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Sunday 27 May 2012 15:23

^ you say that as if you jump into random cars on a daily basis. you scare me.

ChrisTheCalm 9

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:32

She scares you? If I could have random girls jump into my car I'd be ecstatic (:

Il_Maestro 6

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Sunday 27 May 2012 18:31

Nah, it's not awkward when I'm trying to jump into random cars and it's accidentally someone I know.

LadyGore 12

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:45

Pretend its completely normal and demand they take you to McDonalds

NoisyNykkii 10

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:02

McDonalds? I'd demand they take me to Six Flags! If I'm gonna hitchhike, I might as well make it good!

kegande 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:05

And I want a happy meal with the cool toy! And can we stay so I can play for a while?

Mischief109 11

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Sunday 27 May 2012 16:59

When in doubt, yell "why are we just sitting here?!?!?! GO GO GO!!!" I've done that to my brother-in-law and it freaked him out so he sped off :P

GotBrains 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

"so your not my personal driver..? Hmm wierd.."

garrr 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:31

Weird*

Bekll 31

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Sunday 27 May 2012 9:37

33, you missed one: You're*

GotBrains 0

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Sunday 27 May 2012 13:18

Grammar Nazi, are you? Come at me bro!

98rocky 0

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Monday 28 May 2012 7:12

Nice.

CaptNomNom 17

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Sunday 27 May 2012 8:46

Wow. Just wow.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 62

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 533

You deserved it 149

HorcruxDelight73 tells us more.

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Too late

Abalaschabalamanama

Nice view

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