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The only bright side anyone should be seeing is your daughter and the bright light she'll see when you smack some sense into her. I normally don't condone corporal punishment, but she needs to be set straight before it's too late.
I love the downvotes people are getting for suggesting physical punishment is a bad thing, I'll be honest, I was always more afraid of my parent's disapproval than any hand or spoon, and even so, I learned pretty damn quick I misbehave and I get the spoon, a lecture, and disapproval... That was deterrent enough for me. my brother on the other hand was a bit of a pathological liar... actions speak louder than words... after countless lectures the thing to set him straight was one good session with a spoon.
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At the risk of turning this into a long tedious argument, here we go: #28, the "my parents hit me, and I turned out fine" rhetoric is so cliché, if you type half of it into Google, it suggests the rest. There are articles and forum threads dedicated to how wrong it is. 1. You say you're fine, but we have no clue if you actually are. If you aren't, would you be honest with us? If you think you are and you aren't, how would we know? It's basically your word—the word of somebody who is trying to justify hitting children—we have to take. 2. You really are probably fine and a fantastic person, but that doesn't justify hitting children. You could've had your arm broken intentionally by a parent as a child, and a decade later, you could still be "alright". Any number of horrible things could happen to children who end up "alright", but that doesn't mean they were okay at the time. Kids are resilient little things, and they'll end up okay after enduring some of the worst stuff. #29, downvoting a few comments is far from thinking those who "discipline" their children are the worst people. #33, it sounds like beating a child into submission really worked for your parents. Kudos to them. Weak little people are particularly easy to beat, so no surprises there.
I don't condone physical violence either and I know all parents hate having to hurt their kid (except for abusers). But there come's a time where you've tried to do everything you can from restrictions, limitations, positive reinforcement to encourage good behavior, etc. in this situation, I'd say physical discipline is the right choice here. Spanking can cause some long term side effects, yes, but in this situation, the daughter will know damn quick to not do that again. It's like a last resort of punishment that almost guarantees a short term solution. But spanking is NOT abuse. Abuse is extremely damaging the kid to the point of death or hospitalization. And both outcomes can happen physically and psychologically. Closing thoughts: I do not like spanking, and I don't condone it. But if nothing else works, you have to do something to prevent this behavior. There are two extremities to punishment: no punishment and abuse. If the kid starts walking all over you, you may have to do a more severe punishment to balance it out. Like a yin and yang. Share your thoughts.
#34 how is your comment about #33 fair? He state he was a kid when he was hit. Even though you didn't directly say '#33 you're a weak little person,' you implied it. The 'so no surprises there' is a downgrade on his character. I don't believe someone is weak because they were hit when he was younger, and from the rest of your argument is appears you don't either. Also, I know my Grammer and structure isn't perfect, so please don't point that out a flaw, because that's just petty.
Agreed, #47, there is a difference: "discipline" is whatever beating you're comfortable with, and "abuse" is whatever you aren't. My grandfather beat the shit out of my mother and genuinely believed it was "discipline". Saying there's a difference doesn't make it so. One can compare cats and tigers by saying they're both felidae, and I'll compare so called "discipline" to abuse by saying children can recover from both, which justifies neither.
'Disipline' has kind of a Pandora's box sort of effect. Perhaps spanking isn't that bad, or maybe it is, but allowing corporal discipline just gives abusive parents free reign. Nowadays child support exists, but back then, parents could beat the shit out of their children and nobody would bat an eyelash. I'd much rather no 'disipline'.
no, it isnt. As long as there are no bruises or long standing marks, a spanking on the rear end is acceptable. If aim is off or the kid moves and the thigh is hit, it can cause problems (I think). I do know a spanking on the butt is okay, as I said, with no lingering marks from it.
You're not understanding, 51. Spanking to prove a point and mercilessly beating a kid for your own pleasure are two different things. Comparing them is as disgusting as your logic. I'm not going to slam my kid into a wall or something for breaking a vase, because at that point it becomes abuse, not discipline. You know the difference between a moderation and an extremity right?
The daughter is 16. Perhaps if she was 6, a spanking would be helpful. At 16, if she's stealing and doing drugs, she's a little beyond a paddling. I think taking away allowance, car, electronic devices, and counseling and/or drug treatment would probably be a more effective way to handle this.
I really don't want to get into an argument, but I want to give my 2 cents. I was beaten as a kid, because I was a headstrong and disobedient kid who had to learn everything the hard way, and I'm still much the same. My parents beat me as a last resort, because very little else got through to me. I'll fully agree that the "I was beaten and I turned out ok" logic is trite and insufficient, but not that it is completely invalid. The fact is that all kids are different, my beatings served to teach me that there are consequences to my actions. I don't think it's be necessary for every kid to be taught that way, but it got through to me in large part because my parents always gave me an explanation (not just a halfassed justification) why I was being punished. To me that is the difference between abuse and discipline, to make sure a child knows what they did wrong, why it was wrong, and that you didn't hit them because you hate them. Abuse, to me, is hitting a child because you think it's easier to break them than teach them. Hitting a kid simply because you're angry at something that they did, without trying other methods, isn't discipline.
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So your daughter is stealing and using drugs? But you were trying to look on the "bright side"? I think perhaps your parenting may be the problem here.
#6. You're questioning her parenting skills because her daughter was shoplifting & doing drugs. She was hoping atleast that her daughter had a good reason, like her bday, mothers day etc. She probably was trying to rationalize her actions, til the end. There are no good reasons to steal, but just because a kid does drugs doesn't always mean it's the parents fault. My parents we're amazing to my sister & I but that didn't stop me from doing drugs. It wasn't on my parents, it was on me. So instead of jumping to conclusions, get all your info straight before you say stupid shit.
You're right- I'm questioning her parenting skills. Things do not happen in a bubble. If her daughter has a drug dealer, it's likely this is not simply experimenting with friends. If her daughter is getting arrested for shoplifting she needs to stop making excuses and looking for the bright side and get her daughter some help for her problems. She is headed down a dangerous path that could haunt her for the rest of her life. As a parent, you do everything in your power to help your child. Now that she is aware of the problems, the proper thing to do is take action to fix them.
Yes, parenting is part of it. But the daughter also has free will and is capable of ignoring the lessons she's been taught. You seem to forget that kids are human beings, and are able to make their own choices. Yes, the mom should try to help her daughter. Yes, she should try to make her daughter understand why these things are bad. But in the end, the mom cannot physically or mentally force her child to do (or not do) anything. The daughter may decide she doesn't care, and clearly has already. If she chooses to continue these actions after her mom has taught her why she shouldn't, there's only so much the mom can do before it's out of her hands.
You tried to look at the bright side?! There is no bright side!!! Your kid is going down a very dark path!!!! send her to scared straight!!!