Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
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Top comments
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
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Comments (66)
xxreikoxx 31
Wow. I've never read a sadder state for cat and owner; therefore, the question of who deserved what doesn't matter. While the OP should've had a shirt on, has it ever occurred to you geniuses out there that the OP decided not to disclose their gender for the sake of embarrassment? Either that, or they left the obvious clue of "nipple" indicating that they're a female and wanted the reader to figure it out on their own (seeing as how manly 'nipple' are called pecs). What's to imply that the dishes were piled-up on the counter as many of us think, and that the OP wasn't exaggerating? That part of their post seems a bit too cliched, like something you would find on a cartoon. OP, I'm sure you've learned something from this experience. Bravo for letting your cat hurt you for the sake of your precious dishes.
hellokeroppi 5
wear a shirt
bula_rocks 0
haha that's a good one xP
ladyluck82 9
YDI for owning a cat....lol
bummervacation 10
Ur cat is such a pussy for being scared of blinds. lol
shihtzupup98 3
u ****. put on a damn shirt and don't ask for ppl to look thru ur window and see u shirtless. ydi for not wearing a shirt
eminem3 2
how about u stop being racist! that could work 2!
Mandyy69 0
Shirts are made for wearing, I suggest you try it..
raisin31408 0
kinky cat
clutz123 5
don't hate cats... wasn't their fault