Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
loninessYman 0
i am sorry for that!
ivyyyx3 0
ouchhh!
wordgirl 0
Sorry, I just can't stop. The imagery is too funny... OP: You've got to go. I'm finding you a new home. CAT: Whaaaaat are you taaaaaaalking about, human? (picture cat looking nonchalant, licks paws) OP: You never let me pet you, you ignore me completely, and now you've started to hurt me. CAT: Whatever. :D
onceuponablack 0
Ohhh that sounds really painful!! I understand totally...I love my cats but I had to take one of them to the vet once and I didn't have a kennel so I was holding him wrapped up in a sweater, but he freaked out and attacked me. I still have scars from the bite. I definitely recommend making sure it doesn't get infected b/c cats are not the cleanest animals. Good luck
arielhoee 9
Lol, I still have a scar on my left boob from when my brother threw a cat on me when I was 7. FYL you'll have the scars forever. :O
cartersmallwood 0
pics or it didn't happen
abbymybowl 0
you took your cat outside topless?
isuckok 11
OP is hopefully male.
wh4t3v3R 0
Ouch, I checked YLS, but you only get one chance. Though I never had an issue, I always wear underwear around my cats, you just can't risk these things.
Anteezy 7
Why isn't there a gender on the poster at this FML it kinda makes a difference whether or not the op deserves this.
ScaryyMary 14
SO agreed.
birds_fml 7
YDI for putting your cat outside. You know, the average cat who's allowed to roam outside lives only 7 years, while the average indoor cat lives 17 years. Have you ever thought about all the dangers to a cat outside? Coyotes, roaming dogs, cars, poison, etc. Plus, cats kill lots of songbirds. Keep your cat indoors.
shadowoftheday_fml 0
#42 My cat is 19 years old and he is outside most of the time...
maisie2 0
I couldn't agree more #42. Plus outdoor cats that haven't been fixed lead to millions of kittens to be killed every year.
NrthrnLghts 0
More proof that common sense isn't so common. Wear a damn shirt next time you pick up your cat. YDI