Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (66)
Starfire22 5
Ouch, I kno how that feels, I was holding my puppy while my brother cut his nails and he (my puppy) freaked out. I was wearing a v- neck shirt and he scratched my left breast, luckily it wasn't my nipple but it still hurt...
allridiots 0
catnip
Paraphrase 0
Today, I picked up my cat and it scratched me. FML
doggie3 0
are you a guy or a woman?
FerrariCake 2
That's why you're only supposed to pick a cat up by its tail. You can hold it far enough away from you that it can't scratch you.
zippit09 0
LOL
maisie2 0
I know the feeling, and here's some advice, coming from the voice of experience. DO NOT put a band-aid over said nipple, it was bleeding everywhere and I saw no choice, because when you remove the band-aid it will also remove your skin. Leaving a band-aid shaped welt on your breast. Yep. Gross.
MLGS 0
ok # 48 you can go to hell unless you have ever been scratched by a cat in the nipple. It is a memorable pain. and # 50... picking up a cat by its tail can cause spine injury to the animal. The truth is cats do what they want. And you work and pay for a place for them to live. lol.
DinoSmile 0
LMFAO HER NAME IS IHATECATS
ILIEKGIRLS 5
I'll happily do it, so long as it's a girl.
Weijun 2
YDI for owning a cat. Unless you de-claw it, de-fang it, shave it, and train it to stay off of all horizontal surfaces above the floor, a cat presents a hazard in any household.
fegd 0
My thoughts exactly.