Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML
Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner… Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, my cat woke me up by sharpening his claws on my breast. FML
Today, at 5:30 in the morning while I was fast asleep, my cat decided the most threatening thing in my apartment that absolutely needed to be attacked was my left nipple. FML
Today, I'm covered in scratches because a feral cat found its way under the house and tore apart the A/C duct to climb its way into my room in the middle of the night. After 30 minutes of chasing it, I got rid of it, but my room now smells like cat piss and I'm applying Neosporin to places I should never have to. FML
Today, I woke up to see my cat crawling out my window onto the roof. Afraid he was going to jump to the ground, I crawled out my window as well. I caught him. The neighbors caught me in my underwear and bra yelling at my cat on the roof. FML
Today, while playing with my cat, she decided to give me a surprise nipple piercing with her claws. FML
Today, I was reading on my couch when I noticed my cat trying to escape out of an open window. I leapt up to stop her, but in my panic, I tripped over a coffee table leg, slammed my face into a wall, and knocked over a guitar. My cat, meanwhile, just sauntered down, and went off to the kitchen. FML
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Top comments
OHIOxRAIN 0
now what did we learn from this? maybe stop playin with your "cat" in the nude
cthulhu1138 1
I hear cabinets are nice places to keep dishes. Plus, the cats I know seldom knock things over. I've never met an evil cat in my life. In my experience, the people who call cats evil are the ones who harass them then complain when they get scratched.
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Comments (66)
Soloblackdude 0
Every time I hear a FML involving a cat, the OP is never wearing a shirt...isn't it common sense that you might actually get claws raked into your skin if the cat feels scared/threatened?
Wizzards_fml 0
YDI a dead cat is a good cat
xoxcinderellaxox 0
get a dog. one of the reasons i hate cats.
Shazbot 0
Post on FML about CP. Post about racism. Post about anything and everything. But don't you DARE post about putting a cat outside. Seriously, there was a thread with 300+ responses saying "DIE IN A FIRE OP" because he threatened to nuke a cat. FML has a heart. It is filled with kittens. Don't **** with us and our kittens.
Bloonbloon 0
#61 yes. A dead cat is a good cat.
Banez 0
Wow. All of you need to calm down. It's one thing to love or hate animals. It's another thing to abuse them. All they did was put their cat outside. That does not make the person a bad pet owner. Yet so many people freak out over it. Believe it or not, people are more important than animals. Sympathize with the human over the cat. By the way, cats weren't created domestic. We as humans have domesticated them. That means that it is within their own nature to survive outside anyway. Cats are territorial creatures, which means they return to their home very easily. They own their land. Now if the cat was de-clawed and/or de-fanged, that's another story. Otherwise, its not a big deal to put a cat outside. Besides, animals aren't nearly as important as humans.
lfries90 0
YDI for being too lazy to do the dishes that they pile up.
IJustEffdUrLife 0
I was sitting in a towel once and apparently my cat saw something dangling and decided to bat at my junk. I had a scratch on my dick and let's just say having sex was only pouring fuel on the fire
h8mylifesomuch 4
Yo, if this is a guy, HAHA! But if this is a chick, you are a staright up DUMB ASS!!!
antonioohama 0
I picked up the cat and put *her* outside.