Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was in the toilet when somebody started banging on the door loudly. I panicked and immediately cleaned my self and opened the door. As I opened the door, my brother vomited all over me. FML
Today, I walked in on my 17-year-old brother jerking it to a scene from the movie Frozen. Brain bleach, please. FML
Today, I woke up after a really intense wet dream. Problem is, I'd fallen asleep in the living room. My little brother saw the whole thing. Now he's going around telling family I need to get some. FML
Today, my brother accidentally hit me in the throat. After I stopped coughing, choking, and feeling like I was going to die, he came back into my room, quietly said "I know your weakness," and left. FML
Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML
Today, I was in bed, about to fall asleep, when I remembered something funny. While trying not to laugh, I started grunting and biting my lip, when suddenly my brother walked by my door. He refuses to believe that I wasn't masturbating. FML
Today, my girlfriend went down on me for the first time. Just as I was reaching climax, my brother raced into the bathroom right next to my door and began to vomit extremely loudly. FML
Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML
Today, let's just say it's not always a good idea to storm into your mum's bedroom after hearing several loud slaps accompanied by yelps. What sounds like domestic violence might just be your mum and step-dad's foreplay. For Christ's sake, I need brain bleach. FML
Today, I entered the bathroom to discover that my brother had left semen and filthy water all over the floor and counter. I confronted him and demanded that he clean it up. My parents heard, sighed, and sent me back into the bathroom to clean it up myself. The towel was soaked too. FML
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Top comments
AnthraxPrincess 18
Well, at least you were concerned about your brother and turns out he was totally fine. Imagine if you didn't go check on him and it was really a seizure. Fyl, though, OP. Hope you can get that image out of your mind someday.
feven 32
At least he didn't actually have a seizure.
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Comments (85)
andrmac 25
"Knock knock next time. Did you see anything?" "No Dark Helmet! I did not see you playing with your dolls again!"
ReiracsNeve 17
I was looking for this comment. My day is complete.
Im_Elfie 11
Respect that knock......
cuz803 46
It was an emergency in OP's repertoire. It was family protection instinct.
Im_Elfie 11
Lol a suicide wank.... About to blow your load so you scream mum and dad, and see how fast you can clean up!
tj4234 36
Essentially nothing about your comment is relevant to this FML.
AverageAvarice 23
Why, in any of the levels of hell, would someone call for their parents when masturbating?
wierd_norwegian 6
well...he said "suicide wank"...
ThrottleJockey 36
Well something WAS being choked...
LittleLittlered7 6
I can't say YDI bc you truly thought he was having a seizure and went to help. You don't have time to gain permission to check on him. I grew up w someone with seizures and they ain't no joke. My sister is 30, near-genius IQ and can never be left completely alone. I'd say FYL for you and your brother.
cuz803 46
I'm wondering what you actually saw. If he was masturbating, not an issue because almost everybody does it. I'm just curious.
DravensTheName 16
That's clearly what she saw.
cuz803 46
If that's the case, why is OP saying he needs some bleach. Masturbation is natural and very common. IMO OP's post-reaction was immature
vienna73631902 12
Masturbation is natural and common, but normal people don't like to see people they are related to doing it. OP's reaction wasn't immature at all; I'd say most people would probably have the same reaction to seeing their brother jacking off.
cuz803 46
If I walk in and saw my bro fapping, I wouldn't complain because I know it's something natural and wouldn't say I need bleach. It's not a big deal.
sharonasaur 17
oh my God, just because it's normal doesn't mean anyone would want to see it
cuz803 46
And because nobody wants to see, doesn't mean we need to make a huge deal out of it.
pjsr 33
I'm pretty sure you're a guy, right? If I, a guy, saw my brother masturbating, or my friend, it wouldn't be that big a deal. Heck, I might even join him. But if I saw my sister... or she saw me, that's not cool at all.
soullyfe 33
@45: You'd just join your brother in masturbating...? I mean, I guess that's one way to show brotherly love...
cuz803 46
I wouldn't go that far 45...
pjsr 33
Brothers that jerk together stick together
cuz803 46
OK...
missoops 21
Yeah brothers would 'stuck' together ammiright
cuz803 46
I would disagree I found it weird to jack off with another person. Better to spank the ferret in private imo
pjsr 33
Who did you do it with?
cuz803 46
I don't ********** with people. It's only me, myself and I XP
melana09 19
Next time knock first- no answer then barge in to check. Just to prevent any future accidents
uchihadesendent 14
That's stupid advice, having seizures is like a heart attack you can't waste a second by knocking because it could be the difference between life and death.
noellebelle626 19
Well at least you cared.. I just hoe the scaring you have for the rest of your life was worth it
NomeDMF 17
Could've knocked before you assumed, but that's just me.
sarcasmismyno1 22
Knocking first could have saved you a lifetime of awkwardness. But don't feel bad. Something like this happens to all of us at some point.