Successful breakups: Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care... - FML

By Helpless - 16/12/2018 14:00

Today I had to tell my girlfriend that we can't keep taking care of her drug addicted dad because it is ruining out lives. We have a 90 day notice to move and I said I won't move to a new place if she is going to have him live there. Guess who is looking for a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 807

You deserved it 392

Successful breakups

Commando

Triage

The smell detective is on the case

Saucy devil

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 22:58

Spicy

Today, I was helping my Dad with an internet issue he was having. He gave me his tablet to check it out. I opened the browser, and there were 8 tabs open. All of them were PornHub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 130

By Anonymous - 22/07/2015 11:52 - United States - Garland

Today, while on my Dad's computer, I looked through the browser history to find the name of a website I'd visited on it the other day. I soon found out he watches a staggering amount of downright frightening incest porn. I'm disturbed on so many levels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 879

You deserved it 3 602

By Mothering - 11/07/2011 09:25 - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 099

You deserved it 12 540

By mushroomless - 14/10/2015 05:40 - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 623

You deserved it 1 866

By douchegamer - 03/03/2013 03:38 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, after an argument with my pianist girlfriend about how bad my favourite song would sound on the piano, she stormed out of the room crying, leaving behind a CD. It was the piano version of the song she'd made for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 122

You deserved it 78 764

By ssydneyy - 17/07/2012 19:47 - United States - Lakewood

Today, I was working as a character at an amusement park. I was walking with another character and we went over to a baby girl. She smiled and laughed at my co-worker. When she saw me, she started screaming and crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 962

You deserved it 3 003

By Dumbfuck - 25/09/2009 04:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 720

You deserved it 26 491

By Anonymous - 31/12/2010 01:53 - United States

Today, instead of watching a movie like a normal family, we performed random acts of kindness by handing out roses to total strangers in the freezing cold. No one would take them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 496

You deserved it 6 132

By baffled - 22/08/2012 20:36 - United Kingdom - Norwich

Today, I had to slowly explain to my best friend that when babies are born, the umbilical cord is attached to the baby's belly-button, not the mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 1 832

By G-6 - 07/01/2011 11:24

Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 049

You deserved it 30 453

By astalkerindeed - 16/05/2013 04:31 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 399

You deserved it 6 436

By embarrassed - 01/06/2009 20:11 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to my doctor to get the morning after pill. I explained to her that the condom broke and I was nervous. She simply asked me "when" so I replied "...towards the end". I didn't realize she was really asking what day this happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 478

You deserved it 64 663

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 50 129

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 20:14 - United States - Charleston

Spicy

Today, I guess my son's balls dropped. I've caught him humping his sister's Selena Gomez posters several times today. For god's sake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 596

You deserved it 1 894

By outplayed - 01/09/2017 16:00

Today, while reviewing boxes of motorcycle parts, I noticed my neighbor's daughter gleefully watching me. I jokingly said, "Wanna do this?" and she let out a loud squee and got to work alone. A few hours later, the bike was ready for a test run. I had no idea how to even start building it. She's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 708

You deserved it 2 466

Night terrors

By scared shitless - 24/06/2020 08:02

Today, I learned the hard way that my girlfriend’s young daughter sleepwalks. I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water, only to be greeted in the dimly lit hallway by her creepy silhouette. I yelped like a bitch and dropped the glass on my foot, breaking two toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 296

By Anonymous - 09/07/2013 04:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 595

You deserved it 5 062

By Anonymous - 04/12/2011 23:52 - United States

Today, I heard vibrating from inside my husband's desk drawer. Since he's away for the weekend, I investigated. I found an unfamiliar cellphone with an inbound call. I answered it. Turns out, it was his mistress. Neither of us can get a hold of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 024

You deserved it 3 418

By Anonymous - 15/02/2012 05:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 708

You deserved it 5 832

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 00:08

Today, I find myself in an unfortunate situation. I met my girlfriend's family and it turns out she's the baby of the family with 7 older brothers, a dad and a granddad, and 6 uncles. That’s 15 very large, very overprotective men I’m sure all want me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 960

You deserved it 307

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 065

You deserved it 2 780

By bbbbb - 14/10/2012 05:29 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 1 882

By now what - 24/12/2014 05:56 - United States - San Leandro

Today, my husband came home with a Christmas gift from a coworker. It's the same thing I got him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 063

You deserved it 3 354

By Helmet - 20/10/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 035

You deserved it 8 964

By Anonymous - 25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 938

You deserved it 3 532

Hot Mess

By bigmikenyc - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that if you leave a can of soda in parked car during a heatwave, it will explode all over everything. My car is like a human glue trap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 320

You deserved it 29 128

Alexa, play "What's My Age Again?" by Blink182

By collegestudent - 20/09/2019 02:01

Today, my dad asked me if I needed crayons for school. I'm going to college this fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 291

You deserved it 191

By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/07/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 073

You deserved it 74 622

By watchyoself - 28/12/2016 21:45 - United States - Miami

Today, my boyfriend had the very expensive watch he got me for Xmas resized. I dropped it trying to put it on and shattered the glass. The warranty won't cover it because of the adjustments made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 802

You deserved it 1 389

By Dogs loose - 02/03/2010 12:17 - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something lb. Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 900

You deserved it 4 352

By Anonymous - 03/04/2013 09:17 - United States

Today, I was lost in a foreign city so I asked a girl for directions. She replied, "Directions? ONE DIRECTION!" and started screaming in my face and jumping around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 672

You deserved it 5 691

Have a Coke and smile

By Cokerella - 14/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 105

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 05:31 - United States

Today, I found out that it is never, ever a good idea to put a band-aid of any kind on your penis, because eventually you will have to take it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 969

You deserved it 53 031

By ronz - 08/02/2012 13:26

Today, I sneaked off work early. As I was in the elevator on the way down to leave, it stopped at my boss's floor, and he got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 754

You deserved it 44 641

By fataldisease - 11/12/2008 12:21 - France

Today, my son laughed at me when I tried to get him to put a bit more effort into his schoolwork. His grandmother had kindly given him all my shitty school reports from when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 955

You deserved it 7 528

By Poopsie - 13/08/2018 06:00

Today, I went to the ER due to intense headaches. My partner was unable to go with me so he called his father to drive me. My father-in-law now knows that every time I orgasm my head feels like it will explode. He also knows that it happened 4 times last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 987

You deserved it 386

Pushy

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 22:02

Spicy

Today, I went on a date with my crush and I was so desperate to impress him, I talked him into a blowjob, after he turned down full sex since it was only a first date. He asked me to stop halfway through, because apparently I have bad technique and hurt him with my teeth. He left. I’m such an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 346

You deserved it 1 551

But he's only 5

By Anonymous - 18/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 679

By Anonymous - 10/09/2019 02:02

Today, despite filling all the parameters for a model employee and being praised by multiple people over the time I was working, I was fired because a client complained to my manager that I didn't seem to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 613

You deserved it 116

Bye bye asshat

By Sadbxtch - 09/09/2021 17:01

Today, my now-ex-fiance told me he’s leaving me for his pregnant coworker. The baby is his. The same coworker he assured me was just a "professional platonic friendship." Our wedding was set to be this Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 76

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:09

I agree with you, but it’s her dad. It’s hard to give up on someone that close to you.

weaboo 12

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:01

If the dad has a drug addiction get him into rehab he’ll thank you later

Comments

weaboo 12

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:01

If the dad has a drug addiction get him into rehab he’ll thank you later

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Sunday 16 December 2018 18:01

He has to willingly go to rehab and something tells me he's not interested

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Monday 17 December 2018 6:10

That only works if he wants to go.

ItsOverTheRambo 3

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Monday 17 December 2018 7:26

I wish I can put many likes on this comment.

weaboo 12

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Monday 17 December 2018 16:03

Can’t you call some hotline to help if you know someone who is suffering from addiction? Either way it’s illegal and if the dad is refusing help you gotta force him even if it means getting police involved

EmDizzle2007 28

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Saturday 4 January 2020 22:08

life ain't the movies.

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:09

I agree with you, but it’s her dad. It’s hard to give up on someone that close to you.

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:10

I’m really sorry this happened but I personally couldn’t see this going any other way. If my father was addicted to drugs and my boyfriend gave me such an ultimatum I would’ve done the exact same thing.

PhoenixChick 26

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Sunday 16 December 2018 21:00

Really? If you were serious enough to live with your boyfriend, you would keep enabling a drug addicted parent to the point of making all fo your homeless and that still wouldn't be enough to force dad to deal with his demons? Enabling to that extent is going to killt he old man faster, not slower. As long as daughter keeps trying to hold his life together for him he has no need to get clean.

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Monday 17 December 2018 1:51

hell naw. giving up on my own personal life to take care of my grown ass parent for the choices he made? I'd have kicked him out long ago.

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Sunday 16 December 2018 14:39

I’m sorry this is happening to you. By helping her father, your girlfriend is just enabling him to live this lifestyle. My sisters an addict and she only went into recovery once the ones close to her cut her off. It’s hard but the only way to help one!

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Sunday 16 December 2018 16:04

You can’t control your gf’s choices. It sucks, but it’d be best for you to move on.

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Sunday 16 December 2018 17:08

Stick to your guns, OP. Hopefully she’ll realize you’re right and just trying to take care of yourself and her. I hope her dad gets the help he needs from professionals.

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Sunday 16 December 2018 18:15

You're frustruation is completely justified. However if your family is not there to help you in a really bad part of your life who else will? So you have to understand her point of view, it's her father and atleast you know she's the type to be there for her loved ones when in need.

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Monday 17 December 2018 1:52

uh. No she's not helping him. she's enabling him.

CathyDreamerGR 13

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Sunday 16 December 2018 18:34

I see where you are coming from, but also, if you make her choose between you and her dad, you have very little chance of winning

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Sunday 16 December 2018 18:49

people don't change, you got out before it got worse and believe me it gets worse

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Sunday 16 December 2018 19:33

Good on you. Drug addicts ruin it for everyone around them; you're not the first nor the last relationship to be broken up by an addict. If he's trying to get off them, going to rehab, seeing a counselor, etc. then he's going to need her support but you also need to consider your own health and well-being. If he's not doing those things? Please send her to Nar-Anon or another group or organization that helps support the family and friends of addicts. She's going to need it...because if he's anything like other addicts, she's going to end up with everything of value stolen and sold and as an emotional mess. Sucks to find a new roommate and the damage to your and her relationship. :( FML, man.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 71

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 165

You deserved it 283