Work: Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry... - FML

By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

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Family values

Messed up

Boom, headshot

By FMyLife5915

Today, I found out what "supersoaked" means. I thought it meant getting shot by a water gun, which is why I laughed when my daughter's boyfriend said he "supersoaked" her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Athens

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

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By seminole711 - United States

Today, I put my sexiest lingerie on, lit candles, put some sensual music on, and got my bed ready to surprise my boyfriend when he came home. I positioned myself in the sexiest pose possible. He came home and didn't come in my room for 20 minutes because of a football game. FML

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By Thisismylife - Canada

Today, I had pizza for lunch. Later, I passed out in front of a customer. Now I get to explain to my boss that I fainted on the job because of heartburn. FML

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By justthinkofyourhand - United States - Salida

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I overheard the guy I like talking to one of his friends about me. His friend asked if he and I were dating, to which he replied, "No way, dude. I have standards." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by way of making me an account on an online dating site. He then emailed me the account information and left. FML

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By JasonX0656 - United States - Kalamazoo

Today, my fiancé asked me to do some manscaping. I got a little overzealous and now I look like a 12-year-old boy with razor burn. FML

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By (///▽///) - United States - Austin

Today, I learned that "prima donna" was not in fact "pre-Madonna" like I'd always thought. My family won't stop laughing at me. FML

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By fmlforreal - Singapore

Today, I found my brother tampering with my laptop. He had changed the entire settings, in ways I don't even know how to fix. I finally had to get my mom to threaten him to change it back to its original setting. I'm 15. He's six and can barely get dressed by himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2020 01:08 - United States - Joplin

Mortified

Today, I bought my first ever vibrator after months of wanting one. Apparently, I bought a cheap product, because it broke and started going off by itself later. It shook my whole dresser while my best friend and I were in the room. I couldn't get it to shut off. FML

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By Courtney - United States

Today, I couldn't figure out what was worse: accidentally dropping my car keys into the bottom of a filthy park lake, or getting a fishhook through my toenail in an attempt to retrieve them. FML

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By MBG - Australia

Today, I had the closing shift at work in a cafe and there was a man and lady left. I made them coffee and started to close up. When the lady finished her coffee she grabbed my arm and said 'I think that man is masturbating' and leaves in a hurry. I had to wait for him to finish before closing. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML

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By ratqueen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I discovered that catching fewer mice in the traps I'd put out doesn't mean my pest problem is getting resolved. It means that rats have moved in. FML

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By overlandparkmommie - United States

Today, I was so totally stressed out at work that I took my car into the park and reclined my seat and shut my eyes. Soon I noticed the soothing sounds of raindrops on my car and I felt a little better for once. I opened my eyes to see that a bunch of birds had crapped all over my car. FML

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By w-dog - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

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By Lifeless - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/7/2020 05:01

Judge not

Today, my friend dragged me out of a movie because they swore a bit and there was drug use. Apparently, she's a Mormon now, and, "doesn't want her values compromised." This from the same girl who tried to get me to try crack a few weeks ago. FML

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By twatstick - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

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By mark - France

Today, I fell asleep on the train, totally wiped out after last night's party, which involved lots of booze and spicy Indian food. I wake up and notice a small boy staring at me, so I smiled at him. He turned to his father and said, "Daddy, the farting man has just woken up." FML

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By TheStressComesFree - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was told that I have to apply to keep the job that I've held for the past two years. There are so many other applicants that it's basically a free-for-all. FML

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By so pray to ariel about it, dipshits - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, two of my friends condemned me for being "narrow-minded", because I couldn't help but laugh at the thought that someone would believe mermaids actually exist. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ithaca

Today, my mother told me to take a quick shower. When I got out, she told me I took too long, and now I have to pay the utilities bill. My shower was two minutes long. FML

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By ashamedklutz - United Kingdom - Dunfermline

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

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By wow babe - United States - Arnold

Today, my boyfriend went down on me for the first time. He definitely killed the mood when, while down there, he started saying, "Nomnomnomnom." FML

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By stuckhome - United Kingdom

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML

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By ajnmegs - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I volunteered to help out at an elementary school. I accidentally elbowed a little girl in the face while playing tag. And an hour later, a little boy flew out of his swing because I accidentally pushed him too hard. They're both siblings and are my child psychology instructor's kids. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I spent $50 buying flea bombs so not only my dogs, but my son could relax a little in my home instead of fighting off those tiny little circus bastards. Today, I got in my car and the fleas attacked me mercilessly until I got to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 21:28

Congratulations!

Today, I received the most comments and likes on a Facebook post for years. What exciting thing had happened in my life? Well, I bought a glow-in-the-dark plant. FML

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By queenmabby

Today, for the first time ever, I was able to have a good hair day without blow drying it or using product. Or so I thought. The first words my mom spoke to me when I came downstairs were “Go fix your hair.” FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

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By Choum - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

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By iswearicandrive - United States

Today, I hit my boss's car. It's only my second day on the job. FML

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By nope - 29/3/2020 14:00

Influencers know no bounds

Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

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By SailorVenus93 - 26/2/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

No pain, no gain

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

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Top comments

By DivineZero | 18

#6375997 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Drake and Josh anyone?
"Have a good day."
"Don't tell me what to do."

By WitEluded | 13

#6376007 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

I would have just laughed. People like that you have to feel sorry for. They live very angry lives.

COMMENTS

By Cynt3r | 19

#6375996 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Fucking hate people like this, that's why everyone should work with service at least once in their life, to know what it's like

Reply

bunnylady08 | 13

#6379015 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 18:09

i agree completely. if everyone were forced to work retail and or a server job once in their life, it would cut down on the amount of rude people.

By DivineZero | 18

#6375997 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Drake and Josh anyone?
"Have a good day."
"Don't tell me what to do."

Reply

Lalala579121 | 27

#6376006 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:57

What was your bucket doing on our door?

Reply

jadeleepenguin | 29

#6376043 - Sunday 9 August 2015 15:12

Why was your door under my bucket?

Reply

cj0608 | 3

#6376117 - Sunday 9 August 2015 17:45

"you callin me a liar?"
I aint callin you a truther!"

Reply

A1NoSauce | 17

#6376188 - Sunday 9 August 2015 19:10

"Whoa, just chill out man"

Reply

lovelockdown23 | 23

#6376230 - Sunday 9 August 2015 20:08

Lmfao this thread was LIFE!!

Reply

DerpAngel | 8

#6376341 - Sunday 9 August 2015 21:42

I was just thinking that

Reply

holaitsdez | 12

#6378576 - Wednesday 12 August 2015 7:06

COCK-A-DOODLE-DO THE COW SAYS MOO

By whitevenom | 12

#6376001 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:55

Those are the guys you have to just kill with kindness

Reply

FenHarel | 9

#6376255 - Sunday 9 August 2015 20:34

I think a needle full of poison or a nice heavy baseball are just as efficient a way to go.

Reply

imshadyxo | 25

#6376866 - Monday 10 August 2015 11:09

"a nice heavy baseball" lmaoo

By igg125 | 30

#6376005 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:57

I would not wish anybody a good day, who is clearly not.

Reply

shortswimmer17 | 28

#6376076 - Sunday 9 August 2015 16:19

A lot of stores make their employees say it to customers no matter how the customer acts. Unless you had a lengthy conversation with them about their crappy day then you wish them a better tomorrow or something.

Reply

Nabexis | 9

#6376083 - Sunday 9 August 2015 16:29

Where I used to work saying "have a great day" and having (read: faking) a super happy chipper attitude was mandatory. A coworker I had got written up for not smiling enough. It was hellish.

Reply

Hyenayena | 27

#6376660 - Monday 10 August 2015 5:44

#4, if my supervisor is in, I can get fired for not thanking a customer and wishing them a good day and smiling.
I have a very neutral resting face, and aspergers. So it's really hard

By WitEluded | 13

#6376007 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

I would have just laughed. People like that you have to feel sorry for. They live very angry lives.

By FamilyAngel | 4

#6376008 - Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

Awesome idea.
Have a nice day, everyone?

Reply

1dvs_bstd | 41

#6376013 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:06

Thank you?

Reply

Honest_Guy | 10

#6376038 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:59

You too?

Reply

lil_ham1644 | 29

#6376382 - Sunday 9 August 2015 22:42

don't tell me what to do?

Reply

QueenOfSuppness | 25

#6376860 - Monday 10 August 2015 10:45

Your not the boss of me?

By prostar9993 | 15

#6376009 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:00

Welcome to being a bartender

By dupreeeeeeeeeeee | 13

#6376016 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:09

He honestly just ends up sounding like a child.

Reply

more4me | 27

#6376277 - Sunday 9 August 2015 21:12

Like a toddler . Older children are taught to be polite with strangers and many of them are. This guy clearly didn't have his nap and "forgot" to use his inside voice.

Poor OP. I woud have lost my shit!

By Cads1 | 24

#6376017 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:09

Welcome to today's world.

By pete9913 | 23

#6376019 - Sunday 9 August 2015 14:12

You can make some of the people happy all of the time, and all of the people happy some of the time...no wait, some people are never happy. They just want to be angry. Not your fault OP, you couldn't have made them happy.