Work: Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry... - FML

By Anonymous - 08/08/2015 22:23 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I had to serve an incredibly rude and irrationally angry customer, but I managed to keep my cool. When he finally went to leave with his purchase, I wished him a good day. He whirled around and yelled "I'll have whatever the fuck kind of day I want, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 961

You deserved it 2 108

Our house, in the middle of our street

Empathy lives

Not what you think

Thanks Dad

By Anonymous - 17/11/2020 14:01

Spicy

Today, I was cleaning out my deceased father's closet and found 4 boxes of BDSM porn videos, magazines and DVDs. To save his dignity, I hid them in my room to throw away on garbage day. My mom found the boxes in my room and now wants me to go to therapy. I'm only 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 466

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 22/07/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I decided to dress up a little to go out to the bar. I put on a nice shirt, some leggings and heels. When I walked out the door my dad said that I looked like a whore. When I got to my boyfriends house I told him what my dad had said and he replied "I'd have to agree with him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 600

You deserved it 62 170

Damn squares!

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 17:01

Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 317

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 07:23 - Australia

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 340

You deserved it 2 925

By dharp7 - 16/11/2011 05:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Her exact words used were "I like the idea of you, but I don't like you." I still don't know what that means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 3 743

By Anonymous - 28/12/2014 20:12 - United States

Today, at the airport, a lady bitched me out for changing her departure gate. She called me incompetent and accused me of "messing with people's lives" by "making them walk." I didn't change the gate, and the other gate was less than 10 feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 483

You deserved it 2 415

By Anonymous - 17/10/2013 13:43 - United States - Romulus

Today, in calculus, our substitute teacher told me I was smart. Everybody in the class, including my friends, burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 739

You deserved it 4 706

By Anonymous - 19/04/2009 21:44 - United States

Today, I was on a friends trampoline trying to convince my mom trampolines are safe and I should get one. While telling her I smashed my knee into my face. I jumped off bleeding, slipped, hit my head on the trampoline, and got knocked unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 392

You deserved it 34 973

By Foreveralone17362562 - 16/04/2014 02:18 - Canada - Cold Lake

Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 425

You deserved it 5 738

Spook Magook

By Anonymous - 02/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found rodent droppings in my bed, inches away from where my pillow is. I spend almost 99% of my time in my room and I never once heard or saw any signs of a rodent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 88

By baybuh - 30/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I realized that the cute freckle I noticed a few weeks ago is actually a giant blackhead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 872

You deserved it 26 360

By Cooper491 - 15/09/2011 21:22 - Australia

Today, I was at a bar with my friend, when I noticed a young lad at a table near to us. I thought it'd be funny to jeer and flick peanuts at him. I went to the restroom, only to come back to my friend face-down on the floor. Turns out the guy fucked him up instead, and now he won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 219

You deserved it 60 702

By CASH_NoMOMEY - 07/05/2015 05:12 - United States - Windsor

Today, my main source of income is finding money on the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 512

You deserved it 5 574

By Nicholasand - 23/11/2009 18:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up in a closet of a four star hotel, having spent the night drinking. I am a secondary school teacher and I have been visiting this place on a school trip. My flight left at 4am this morning and it's now 1pm in the afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 142

You deserved it 60 744

By FMLTIMESTWO - 10/06/2009 04:36 - United States

Today, I found a dead bird on my windshield. Thinking I was clever, I turned on my windshield wipers to get the bird off. Unfortunately, the dead bird fell through my open window and onto my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 529

You deserved it 61 824

When you lie on your resume to get the job

By Anonymous - 27/07/2018 01:30

Today, my boyfriend and I are devastated to return our newly adopted "cat friendly" dog to the shelter. He's perfect other than the fact that he clearly wants to eat our cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 239

You deserved it 317

Polly Want a Wax

By Baldy - 07/09/2017 13:00

Today, I was using pre-waxed strips to wax my eyebrows when my parrot investigated by walking through them. He then screamed, flew into my hair, thrashed around, and got stuck. I now have two bald spots and two parrot bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 627

By OMGWTF - 13/08/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, while biking home from work, a 12 mile trip, I was speeding down a long hill and my jean pant leg got caught in the chain. It ripped, and then the rest of my pant leg ripped off. I had to bike 10 more miles half naked along the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 070

You deserved it 6 126

By Pugsley - 30/08/2019 14:02 - Australia

Spicy

Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 322

By Anonymous - 10/08/2018 18:30

Today, I finally had sex with my live-in boyfriend after a long dry spell. It was passionate and great, until I hurt my back changing positions. Now he refuses to touch me, going as far as sleeping on the couch to give me "enough space". Hello new dry spell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 176

You deserved it 372

By CelibateHero - 05/10/2013 06:31 - United States - Notre Dame

Today, as I was walking home, a car drove through a puddle and splashed me like in a cheesy movie. As if that wasn't annoying enough, the driver had to pull over because she was laughing too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 914

You deserved it 3 489

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 20:04

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got busted by the cops having sex in a dark parking lot near the beach. As if that wasn't bad enough, as I was trying to talk my way out of a ticket, one of the cops peeks into the car window and I hear my girlfriend awkwardly giggle and say, "Hi daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 642

By ColdFoot - 03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 078

You deserved it 2 721

That devil water

By Anonymous - 08/04/2020 14:00

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 758

You deserved it 161

Our soul

By baddream - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my grandmother's funeral I tried my hardest not to cry, only allowing tears to fall and not making any noise, to be respectful at her funeral. Afterwards, my mother tells my father that I didn't cry, which obviously meant that I didn't love my grandmother and had no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 904

You deserved it 4 731

Fantasy world

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 16:01

Spicy

Today, as I was approaching climax with the girl of my dreams, my mom walked in to ask if I had her car keys, took one look and told me I need to get out, find a real woman and stop watching porn with my headphones on, so I can hear when people are climbing the stairs to my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 1 654

By dumb - 02/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 922

You deserved it 25 570

By Anonymous - 29/08/2014 16:17 - United Kingdom - Slough

Today, after finally getting rid of an extremely rude, abusive customer, I muttered that I could kill people like her. I didn't know my manager had heard me, until a pair of police officers arrived. He'd reported me for "threatening to murder a customer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 917

You deserved it 11 089

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 14:01

Today, I bought my daughter a rape alarm after she had a near-miss with a creep following her to her part-time job. As soon as I handed it to her in the car park, she accidentally set it off and one of her coworker's put me in a rather painful headlock and threw me to the ground, breaking my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 109

By Maria39018 - 01/08/2009 18:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to be totally honest with each other. We even told some of our deepest, darkest secrets, in hopes of strengthening our relationship. He told me he had a diaper fetish, and would love to see me in one. There goes my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 284

You deserved it 13 628

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 174

You deserved it 888

By cantstoplaughing - 06/10/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I was working on my family genealogy. I found out that my best friend's great-grandfather murdered my great-grandfather. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 660

You deserved it 3 973

Narcissism in a nutshell

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 00:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend's family offered me the trip of a lifetime visiting their families overseas. My mother threw a tantrum, telling me that it was my fault that she was never able to travel, it was my fault that she got pregnant with me and had to marry my abusive father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 64

By IEatDammit - 30/01/2009 03:26 - Canada

Today, I had a stomach virus, so I didn't eat anything. My new roommate asked me if I was anorexic and to prove I wasn't, I ate a sandwich in front of her... Only to go into the bathroom and throw it up later. She heard and now thinks I'm bulimic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 353

You deserved it 6 175

By Anonymous - 12/04/2016 12:29 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend invited me to his boxing club for the first time. Since I'm somewhat short and scrawny-looking, he was worried that the workout would be too difficult for me. I waved him off and told him that I was tougher than I looked. Five minutes into class, I sprained my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 867

You deserved it 4 892

By guessthatsatrickthen - 31/10/2015 17:19 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I opened the door to what I thought would be a group of trick or treaters. It was actually a naked man. He wanted to come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 1 950

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 22:30 - United States - Phillipsburg

Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 033

You deserved it 36 054

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

By Bogrbon - 21/04/2020 14:00

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 203

You deserved it 276

By jauregz - 25/05/2017 00:00 - Australia - Lalor

Today, my neighbours had an extremely loud party, which began at midnight and didn't end until 6. I know this because I had a 15 minute sleep, seeing as I had to wake up at quarter past. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 884

You deserved it 342

By FunTimes - 19/08/2019 04:00 - Canada

Today, my mom got drunk and tried to push me off a ladder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 103

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Top comments

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Drake and Josh anyone? "Have a good day." "Don't tell me what to do."

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

I would have just laughed. People like that you have to feel sorry for. They live very angry lives.

Comments

Cynt3r 19

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Fucking hate people like this, that's why everyone should work with service at least once in their life, to know what it's like

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Wednesday 12 August 2015 18:09

i agree completely. if everyone were forced to work retail and or a server job once in their life, it would cut down on the amount of rude people.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:52

Drake and Josh anyone? "Have a good day." "Don't tell me what to do."

Lalala579121 27

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:57

What was your bucket doing on our door?

jadeleepenguin 29

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Sunday 9 August 2015 15:12

Why was your door under my bucket?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 17:45

"you callin me a liar?" I aint callin you a truther!"

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Sunday 9 August 2015 19:10

"Whoa, just chill out man"

lovelockdown23 23

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Sunday 9 August 2015 20:08

Lmfao this thread was LIFE!!

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Sunday 9 August 2015 21:42

I was just thinking that

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Wednesday 12 August 2015 7:06

COCK-A-DOODLE-DO THE COW SAYS MOO

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:55

Those are the guys you have to just kill with kindness

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Sunday 9 August 2015 20:34

I think a needle full of poison or a nice heavy baseball are just as efficient a way to go.

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Monday 10 August 2015 11:09

"a nice heavy baseball" lmaoo

igg125 30

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:57

I would not wish anybody a good day, who is clearly not.

shortswimmer17 28

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Sunday 9 August 2015 16:19

A lot of stores make their employees say it to customers no matter how the customer acts. Unless you had a lengthy conversation with them about their crappy day then you wish them a better tomorrow or something.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 16:29

Where I used to work saying "have a great day" and having (read: faking) a super happy chipper attitude was mandatory. A coworker I had got written up for not smiling enough. It was hellish.

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Monday 10 August 2015 5:44

#4, if my supervisor is in, I can get fired for not thanking a customer and wishing them a good day and smiling. I have a very neutral resting face, and aspergers. So it's really hard

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

I would have just laughed. People like that you have to feel sorry for. They live very angry lives.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 13:58

Awesome idea. Have a nice day, everyone?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:06

Thank you?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:59

You too?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 22:42

don't tell me what to do?

QueenOfSuppness 25

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Monday 10 August 2015 10:45

Your not the boss of me?

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:00

Welcome to being a bartender

dupreeeeeeeeeeee 13

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:09

He honestly just ends up sounding like a child.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 21:12

Like a toddler . Older children are taught to be polite with strangers and many of them are. This guy clearly didn't have his nap and "forgot" to use his inside voice. Poor OP. I woud have lost my shit!

Cads1 24

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:09

Welcome to today's world.

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Sunday 9 August 2015 14:12

You can make some of the people happy all of the time, and all of the people happy some of the time...no wait, some people are never happy. They just want to be angry. Not your fault OP, you couldn't have made them happy.

Nearly

Today, I realized that I wore ripped jeand AND ripped boxers to work. Both ripped at the same place, in between the legs. The result was my looking down and seeing my dick halfway out of my trousers. I can't get up from my seat the rest of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 18

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 677

You deserved it 148

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 412

You deserved it 102