Today, I had to leave my one-night stand in my flat because I was giving a guest lecture at the local university. Halfway through, I hear someone sneaking in so I jokingly asked if they had a 'wild night out.' It was the guy I slept with. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Today, I heard a knock on my door and, thinking it was my student adviser, opened it. I was greeted by a drunk girl, who pushed her way into my dorm room, informed me that she lived here last year, and then told me that she lost her virginity in my bed. FML
Today, I went to a party and crashed on the bedroom floor. I woke up to sex noises coming from the bed. I pretended to still be asleep. I sent a text to my boyfriend to tell him about it. I heard his phone beep from over in the bed. FML
Today, I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said good night to him… only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML
Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML
Today, I learned that what happens in Vegas doesn't always stay in Vegas. This includes my one night stand who turned up outside my front door with a suitcase in her hand. FML
Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML
Today, as I arrived at my house after a two week holiday, I opened the door and heard footsteps upstairs. I went up and found my boyfriend naked in bed. We had great sex. Afterwards I found my best friend naked in the wardrobe. Turns out they'd also had great sex. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
What the hell were you thinking leaving a stranger in your flat? While you were gone, he could have tripped over your cat, stolen your cake, and emptied your apartment! Dumbass.
ClickMyPicture 0
LOL! It must be fate ♥
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Comments (91)
valri3 0
I think it is some apartment building. Sad that most people can not stop being sarcastic in when people pose a question.
earwig_ 0
i am loving the fact that this mustve happened at my uni.
stronghand0331 17
I'm pretty sure either door would be sufficient.
meganasoarus 0
hahaha I can just imagine the look on your face.
zanguard 0
YDI you dirty, slutty ***** you <3
5upernova 3
Did anyone not noticed how she said that she left him alone in her flat? Sounds like luck to me that he did not steal and/or destroy her flat.
dudeitsdanny 10
Nawh. None of the previous posters who mentioned it noticed. I wasnt aware till I saw this. You.. You have a keen eye.
missbadluk 0
Yes. Half of the previous 37 people did. Stupid people are annoying. Just sayin.
jxmadison 0
this oddly sounds like a movie plot 0.o
mrjude 3
I am laughing at all of the idiots insulting you for having a one night stand. I mean, seriously, that is what makes you deserve it? LOL. Wow, people are pathetic. Really though, this isn't deserving of this site. I'd put this on My Life Is Average or something. It's much more suited to there. This is more of an awesome, weird moment than a bad one!
Aniblecoby 0
awkward...
FukYurLife_89 0
ydi... ha ha to bad he didn't run off with your valuables and burn ya flat up... lmao