momlife
Ajax, Canada
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
birdisnottheword
Edmonton, Canada
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Mandi
DELETE! DELETE!
Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
her mom raised her
Mexico
Today, I had to call a plumber out, because my idiot daughter clogged the pipes while trying to flush a hamburger down the toilet. FML
Anonymous
Fort Lauderdale, United States
Thanks dad…
Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML
June
Canada
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
sleepy
United States
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
lyle
Oh, hai Mark!
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Lauren Davies
This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff
Paper-thin walls
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
shootme
Canada
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Been there. My son is one, I assume your daughter is around the same age. If she's 10, then FYL indeed.
aimbug 42
Aren't kids fun?
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Comments (44)
Fartful_Dodger 8
It beats rock or scissors. ...
Estelle101_fml 13
I guess she's testing the waters...
ZulAman 4
YDI for having a kid in the first place
bigdfootball97 24
Could've just said, "I gotta go"
rlalowski 3
Been there! Toilet paper, dirty diapers, anything this tiny little hands get a hold of :)
boultzboi 20
the joys of parenting :)
coolvictori 22
I hope it was clean.
COSaikou 7
Children do the darndest things!
thisguy22 33
I think the level of my reaction to this depends entirely on if it was clean, new toilet paper... Or freshly used toilet paper. I require a follow up please.
sarcasmwins 24
My sister used to happily sit in the garden and eat spoonfuls of dirt, each time mum lifted her out and turned her back she would go straight back to her usual spot in the dirt and eat spoon after spoon. One day mum couldn't take it anymore so she let her be, a muddy kid and a stomach ache later and she never went back again.