Today, I accidentally called my boss and left a voicemail as I was yelling to my kid, "I NEED TOILET PAPER TO WIPE MY BUTT! WHERE IS ALL THE TOILET PAPER?!" Followed by me yelling something like, "STOP WATCHING ME WIPE MY BUTT!" immediately after my kid walked in with baby wipes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML
Today, the phone rang while I was on the toilet. I asked my 3-year-old daughter to answer it, only for her to loudly say, "Mommy's on the toilet pooping." FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML
Today, I was on a Zoom call with my boss and a client, discussing a new project. My toddler burst into the room and screamed, “Mommy, I shitted in the bathtub!” The camera was on, and I just froze, while my boss tried to hold in his laughter. FML
Today, I took a phone call in the bathroom, since the rest of the house was too noisy. I sat down on the toilet and waited while they put me on hold. After a while, I must have forgotten the lid was down and my pants were still on, because I started peeing myself. FML
Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML
Today, I thought I could stay on the phone and go to the bathroom without him noticing. My mom knocks on the door and without even thinking, I yelled "I'M ON THE TOILET!" He said "ew.." FML
Today, I took out my phone and realized I butt dialed my girlfriend and left her a 4 minute voicemail of me farting in an echoing toilet bowl. FML
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
The best-case scenario is that he fires you, so you never have to look at each other again. What's more likely is that he replays your message on a loop while masturbating. Cheers!
Yudith 28
Or that OP receives toilet paper for Christmas from her boss.
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Comments (3)
RichardPencil 32
The best-case scenario is that he fires you, so you never have to look at each other again. What's more likely is that he replays your message on a loop while masturbating. Cheers!
Yudith 28
Or that OP receives toilet paper for Christmas from her boss.
RichardPencil 32
Unused, I hope.
cuz803 46
Hope an explanation fixes everything. Were you rushing quickly to wipe your butt? Why?
Nico97 3
why did you call from the toilet? YDI
historygrad74 19
That's what I was wondering. Who does that?