Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML
Today, I was talking to myself in the shower, pretending I was Oprah. After I got out, my little brother asked if I was singing in the bathroom. I almost said no, but admitting to singing seemed a lot less embarrassing. FML
Today, I was home alone, blasting music, dancing in my underwear, singing into a wooden spoon. I turned around mid-performance to see my landlord standing in the kitchen. I’d forgotten about the maintenance appointment I'd scheduled. FML
Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML
Today, I thought I was home alone, so I started singing to my cat. After a half hour of this, I finally stopped. Then I heard applauding. I turned around to find my parents standing in my doorway. FML
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Today, as I sat on the toilet, I heard a noise outside. I peered through the window and found myself staring directly at my neighbor. FML
Today, I ended up taking a massive dump after being constipated for a while. I thought I was alone, so I pretended I was giving birth to my turd, and let out all kinds of sound effects. Next thing I know, I hear a knock at the door and my mom asking, "Should I call 911?" FML
Today, I used the restroom at a mall. I thought I was alone, so I started singing. When I got out of the stall, there were men staring at me. Not only did I embarrass myself with my own singing, I'd accidentally used the men's restroom too. FML
Today, my boyfriend surprised me by coming home early. He walked in on me sitting on the toilet, singing full volume to my cat as I took a crap. FML
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Top comments
strokesie 23
At least they were entertained, right?
KillSwitch96 18
You must have been singing pretty loud to have not heard them grunting and straining!
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Comments (61)
morzu 8
Sounds like shit hit the fan.. Oh wait... (yes I'll leave now I'm sorry)
PrincessCastiel 27
"LET IT GO! LET IT GOO-" "Er... so... was I on pitch?"
Venasaur1 9
OP probably made the constipation worse, lol.
foxwasalamb 24
that would be strange on both ends. i dont know anybody who likes to take a shit (or the absence of one) with ofhers
WeskersSexslave 15
At least you weren't m*sturbating at full volume. that could've been awkward.
64wilhil 8
Best way to scar a kid for life
DrHail 22
Hey, at least it's not you that's constipated!
davincidasecond 24
Stop.
biloxi_girl 22
I will probably get down voted for this, but I am just curious as to how the topic of him being constipated came up in the middle of all of this.
ItsJustMe1616 26
I feel like the edit to this should say "Today, thinking I had the house to myself..." Then again I could be making a pointless douche outta myself with this post...