Intimacy: Pet detective

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 609

You deserved it 20 661

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Same thing different taste

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 465

You deserved it 8 797

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 218

You deserved it 26 156

Get back here!

By frenchie12 - 24/03/2019 02:00

Today, I hooked up with a girl. The condom fell off when I pulled out. When the girl left, I couldn't find it. I saw my roommate cat's with it, so I chased him and he escaped. My roommate now wants to kill me. She found the condom on her bed and doesn't believe me. I might have to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 472

You deserved it 581

Great start to the day

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 20:00

Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 771

Rushed

By Anonymous - 31/05/2012 20:53 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 661

You deserved it 44 720

By ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, was my boyfriends last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then ran up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught on her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 907

You deserved it 14 852

Why would you stick that there?

By Co-B - 03/09/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 886

You deserved it 61 114

Keep the peace

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 18:02 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my girlfriend accidentally put rubbish in the neighbour's bin. Then the old lady took all the rubbish out and threw it on the floor. I came out and tried to calm the situation, but then my girlfriend ran downstairs and tipped her cat food and cat milk bowls over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 171

Missing

By Anon - 04/08/2013 05:36 - Australia - Perth

Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 660

You deserved it 20 289

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 898

You deserved it 40 483

ProfoundNonsense 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:03

How did your cat get a hold of it? I guess stop leaving them around like that. *shrugs*

poison29 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:05

ew, poor cat

Comments

Fredzter 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:00

Gotta love cats, eh? :D

jimmychunk 0

Saturday 6 March 2010 6:45

Condoms r not meant to be inside tht kinda pussy!

morgann4826 0

Monday 8 November 2010 16:24

106 that made my day

rukusrazor 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:03

Right, cats aren't that dumb. Should probably cut back on your salt intake.

ladidadi 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:03

the same thing happened to me but with the guy's dog! ohhhh, pets....

ProfoundNonsense 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:03

How did your cat get a hold of it? I guess stop leaving them around like that. *shrugs*

poison29 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:05

ew, poor cat

cristy91 33

Friday 1 May 2009 20:05

oof, that is one nasty cat. FYL.

LeftHanded_fml 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:07

#4, probably got it out of the trash can and thats why it was laying right by it when it threw it up.

fredrikleijon 4

Tuesday 6 December 2011 0:41

^+1

airandfingers 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:09

This is why you wrap the condom up very well when you're throwing it away, especially if you're hiding it.

eff_mi_lyfe 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:09

next time flush it! but that does kinda suck.

Demon_Squirtle 0

Friday 1 May 2009 20:09

This is an unfortunate story. FHerL, really. Yours too, but you have a head start to bolt the hell out of there

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I pulled my Christmas tree out of my mother-in-law's garage, only to find out rats had ruined all the lights. The tree cost $2600. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 527

Today, I saw some servicemen sitting outside a café, and I went over to thank them for their service. They waited till after I was done shaking their hands before they told me that they were just actors on their lunch break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 999

You deserved it 7 513

The Top

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend in the hallway of our school, and once we got to his class, I leaned in for a kiss. Surprising me, he leaned away, and I asked what was wrong. He told me he's glad we're going out, but just doesn't want anyone to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 716

You deserved it 5 113

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 775

You deserved it 20 098

Today, a little girl looked at me and yelled "Mommy look, there's a real leprechaun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 883

You deserved it 2 885

Today, I went to a job interview wearing what I consider to be my lucky shirt. On my way to the interview, a bird dropped a load of bird poop on my shirt, and I didn't have time to change. During the interview, the interviewer kept staring at the poop stain on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 143

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 004

You deserved it 4 218

Today, I got up in the middle of the night to get a glass of water. I felt something get caught in my throat so I coughed and spluttered a bit. When I turned on the lights I discovered I'd coughed up a cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 4 787

Pet detective

Same thing different taste

Get back here!

Great start to the day

Rushed

Why would you stick that there?

Keep the peace

Missing

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