Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML
Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML
Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML
Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML
Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I'm sure he was bribed with dog-treats to snitch on you. I suggest you double whatever his current rate is.
Redoxx_fml 22
I ******* love animals
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Comments (130)
firebird07 13
I'm sorry, I don't have sympathy for having sex in your parent's home and then getting busted for it. Don't want to get busted for having sex in your parent's house? Don't have sex there. YDI.
katertott 44
Is it just me, or has someone else written an fml like this? lol Note to self, keep secure lids on trash cans when owning dogs. They make your business, everyone's business.
chrismrwilson 4
flush it next time
bigbob92 6
Flush it next time.
Smoothiemuch 8
If cats are known for catching your tongue, dogs are known for condoms.
WeskersSexslave 15
Heard of a trashcan? Or outdoor garbage? Use it.
brandoneyez1 25
This has happened to me a few times. Once my dog ate it and we didn't know until we got a present.
snippit 18
This is like the tenth story on here like this... People how are you disposing of your condoms???
jrn 14
Where did you discard it? Did your dog get it out of the trash? If the answer to that second question is "no", then ydi
EggsinaBasket 9
A similar situation just happened to me. I feel your pain op.