Intimacy: Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out....

By PCJJacket - 05/05/2014 17:30 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 241

You deserved it 26 176

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Same thing different taste

Good boy

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 497

You deserved it 8 809

Busted by Detective Dog

By ash - 04/01/2011 21:09 - United States

Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 924

You deserved it 14 860

Gettin' some

By Username - 01/05/2011 08:20 - United States

Today, I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor beside the bed and got up to walk my boyfriend's dog. After several trips around the block, and plenty of strange looks, I got back upstairs and saw the used condom stuck to my sleeve from the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 515

You deserved it 46 435

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at my girlfriends house. After having sex, we went downstairs to where the rest of the family was. At this point I did not realise that I had a used condom stuck to my foot. The family did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 902

You deserved it 40 514

By Anonymous - 30/12/2018 06:00 - Australia - Carlton

Today, I found the remnants of a condom in my dog’s poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 400

By fetch boy.. - 05/08/2013 05:28 - United States - Bellmore

Today, my boyfriend's parents found out we had a sleepover while they were on vacation. His dog had retrieved the underwear I had unknowingly left and brought them to his mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 540

You deserved it 18 332

By Anonymous - 31/07/2012 03:36 - United States - Chicago

Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 459

You deserved it 42 600

Pet detective

By badluckdrew - 01/05/2009 14:28 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's mother called her in the bedroom for a serious talk. I overheard them arguing and yelling at each other. It turns out her mother found a condom next to her garbage. We got caught because her cat swallowed the condom and threw it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 667

You deserved it 20 703

Great start to the day

By Anonymous - 04/04/2021 20:00

Today, I went into my parents' room after spending pretty much all weekend in my their bed while they were out of town. I happened to look out the window, and on the windowsill was a puddle of cat vomit with a condom in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 783

By Arden - 03/02/2019 20:00

Today, my dog peed on my bed because my parents were presumably having sex and I was too scared to go downstairs and take her out because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 1 586

Welshite 39

Monday 5 May 2014 23:20

I'm sure he was bribed with dog-treats to snitch on you. I suggest you double whatever his current rate is.

Redoxx_fml 22

Monday 5 May 2014 23:20

I ******* love animals

Comments

mandyk5918 12

Tuesday 6 May 2014 18:11

That sucks.

rileyharrislm 6

Tuesday 6 May 2014 18:56

OMG if that was my parents they would have kicked me out of the house on the spot!! I'm like 10 billion percent serious!!

JayBunny 16

Friday 9 May 2014 15:41

You're 18, they can't really kick you out, you are a young adult.

The_Hula_Monster 10

Wednesday 7 May 2014 14:06

Or, you could just THROW THE DAMNED THING IN THE GARBAGE RATHER THAN LEAVING IT OUT FOR YOUR DOG!

lbguitarist 7

Wednesday 7 May 2014 20:01

were you doing her doggy style?

wrathofthefist 5

Wednesday 7 May 2014 21:38

At least your parents know you're being safe.

SaharaZinc 14

Thursday 8 May 2014 2:00

I just read an old one almost exactly like this one in the random section..

JayBunny 16

Friday 9 May 2014 15:39

If you're hiding condoms, then you shouldn't be having sex, you sound like you may be 15. You should have thrown it away properly. Common sense.

mattatom17 10

Friday 9 May 2014 22:03

I wouldn't let him lick your face...

CallMeBloo 31

Wednesday 14 May 2014 3:19

You deserve it. Freaking clean up after yourself. Gross.

Chibi_Kitten 24

Thursday 15 May 2014 1:39

Well atleast you don't have to worry about the dog getting pregnant or getting another dog pregnant.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my English teacher kicked me out of class for being "rude and disruptive." In actuality, I had called her out for having blatantly used Google Translate for several example sentences, all of which sounded as if a semi-literate foreigner had constructed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 510

You deserved it 3 943

Today, I was in a grocery store when a little boy ran up out of nowhere, hugged my leg, then said, “Mommy!” I looked down and said, “Hey there, kiddo!” Right then, his actual mom walked up and gave me a look that seemed like it could set me on fire. The kid then looked up at me and said, “You’re prettier than my real mom.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 78

Today, I was woken by the news that my car had been found, but was completely destroyed due to a fire. I didn't even know my car was missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 193

You deserved it 2 922

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 569

You deserved it 11 545

Today, my 13 year-old autistic step-son has been having a meltdown all afternoon and has attacked me three times. Why? He discovered me and his mother are having sex, you know, almost as if we were a married couple. He’s getting worse; no matter what we do, he is definitely getting worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 142

Today, some people in my class here in New Zealand found out that I'm from Canada, then spent the rest of the period asking if I had a pet moose and whether or not I lived in an igloo. They were completely genuine questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 785

You deserved it 1 492